Currently Pregnant and past miscarriages

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
Made4N
Double
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 2:39 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): April 22nd, 2007
Gender: Male
Location: Colorado

Currently Pregnant and past miscarriages

Postby Made4N » Tue Feb 23, 2016 4:23 pm

The back story: We have a daughter that just turned three last week. The pregnancy went well last time with no complications and we got pregnant on the first try. About a year ago we decided to try again so the two kids would be three to three and a half years apart. I'm sure our expectations were a little high since the first time went well. First try and she is pregnant again in March 2015. At about 10 weeks or so she has a miscarriage and we were devastated. We were also in the process of selling the house because we only had 2 bedrooms. In May we sold the house and moved to a really nice larger house is a better area. After the move we decided to try again and she had another miscarriage at about 6-7 weeks. All of this has put a lot of strain on things.

We decided to try again and this time is going well. We are now at almost 15 weeks and everything is looking great. We are so thankful for being so lucky. While we're celebrating our new child my brother is going through a really messy divorce. I've had to put a ton of time into my brother mainly because he has a 3.5 year old. Basically brother comes home one day and wife says "I don't love you I'm leaving", wife is already on boyfriend number two, wife's boyfriend is abusive, on top of all that my brother has problems with depression and pot use. We have talked about fighting for full custody of my niece. It has now hit a point that we can work on our own little family.

Question: Even though my wife is now having a great pregnancy now she still has a lot of fear. I do know it is understandable with everything we have been through. What can I do to help her with the fear? Are there any good resources to help with miscarriage and pregnancy after miscarriage?

I hadn't even figured out what the tension in our relationship was until last weekend. We had a fight Saturday night and I decided to sleep on the couch. I ended up staying up all night thinking. Then it hit me (divine intervention), we really haven't gotten over the miscarriage even though we thought we had. We talked on Sunday and my wife realized that she did still have fear because of the miscarriage. I do know that I also have some fear but it is a little more manageable.

User avatar
beautyfromashes
Under the stars
Posts: 3537
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:21 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): December 20th, 2004
Gender: Female

Re: Currently Pregnant and past miscarriages

Postby beautyfromashes » Tue Feb 23, 2016 7:12 pm

I've had 2 miscarriages, one at 7 weeks and one at 11 weeks (with four healthy children between). Sometimes it surprises me how long the grieving goes on. And yes, I had a lot of fear going into that second pregnancy. With all of them, really. If you've been really busy, it may be that she just hasn't had space to really grieve, and it may be a while yet for her to do that.

If she feels like she can handle it, the book I Will Carry You by Angie Smith was very helpful. I couldn't have read it right after my miscarriage, but I found it about a year after, and it was very helpful and cathartic. I haven't found a ton of Christian books about dealing with miscarriage, but I've found that general books about grief and suffering are helpful.
Deep intimacy always requires work, acceptance, and forgiveness. Lots of it. ~~ Linda Dillow

User avatar
BHF
King bed
Posts: 319
Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 3:04 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): October 22nd, 2011
Gender: Female

Re: Currently Pregnant and past miscarriages

Postby BHF » Tue Feb 23, 2016 10:02 pm

http://www.hannah.org/

Praying for healing and peace and a joyous pregnancy.
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy ...And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight" Phil 1:3,4,9

User avatar
Vanna
King bed
Posts: 746
Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2016 4:40 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 20th, 1994
Gender: Female
Location: Texas

Re: Currently Pregnant and past miscarriages

Postby Vanna » Thu Feb 25, 2016 1:04 am

Something helpful for me was naming my babies. I didn't know their gender, but I prayed about it, and I had peace that they were girls and gave them each a name so they would know how much they meant to me while waiting for me in heaven. It really made a difference and gave me a new level of connection to them.

It's been over twenty years for the first, and ten years for the second. You never forget, but peace will come gradually and healing comes in layers. She may appreciate a small ceremony where she writes a mommy letter to each and buries them somewhere special. Each mom is different in what helps.

As to the fear-personally, I would dedicate the pregnancy and baby to The Lord and pray with her for a special blessing and grace to be on her in this pregnancy and birth. Thank Him for the fruit of the womb, because it is His reward. Jehovah Shalom rest in your home and hearts. Amen.
After 28 years and six kids, through the good and bad, by the grace of God, things keep getting better and better. ::wed

Made4N
Double
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 2:39 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): April 22nd, 2007
Gender: Male
Location: Colorado

Re: Currently Pregnant and past miscarriages

Postby Made4N » Mon Feb 29, 2016 9:14 am

Thanks to everyone for the help, advice and the prayers.

Made4N
Double
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 2:39 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): April 22nd, 2007
Gender: Male
Location: Colorado

Re: Currently Pregnant and past miscarriages

Postby Made4N » Mon Mar 07, 2016 10:31 am

beautyfromashes wrote:I've had 2 miscarriages, one at 7 weeks and one at 11 weeks (with four healthy children between). Sometimes it surprises me how long the grieving goes on. And yes, I had a lot of fear going into that second pregnancy. With all of them, really. If you've been really busy, it may be that she just hasn't had space to really grieve, and it may be a while yet for her to do that.

If she feels like she can handle it, the book I Will Carry You by Angie Smith was very helpful. I couldn't have read it right after my miscarriage, but I found it about a year after, and it was very helpful and cathartic. I haven't found a ton of Christian books about dealing with miscarriage, but I've found that general books about grief and suffering are helpful.

I did end up buying her that book. She couldn't make it through the description on the back cover but she said she would read it after the baby is born. I said no worries.

madcar16
Twin size
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed May 14, 2014 7:14 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 1st, 2006
Gender: Female

Re: Currently Pregnant and past miscarriages

Postby madcar16 » Thu Oct 27, 2016 4:59 pm

I agree with what Vanna said. I've had 4 miscarriages- 10wks, 6wks, 10wks & 5wks. We name each one. I love that our other children know them, by name, and talk about them from time to time. I also have a small stuffed animal for each baby and they all sit on a shelf somewhere (it's been a different location in each home) This also gives me or the kids opportunity to talk about them. It comforts me to know they are not forgotten and they're still a part of our family.

As for the fear, I can't say as I'm the best to help with that. After I had the last two miscarriages- two in a row- I really struggle with fear. I find myself nervous every time I go to the bathroom until about 30wks. I try to just take a deep breath and give it to the Lord but it's almost an unconscious thing now (to expect blood when I wipe...sorry if thats TMI). I need to work on giving it over to Him more & trusting more. I had a friend that told me once after a miscarriage her motto for her pregnancy was "faith not fear". I try to remember that but sometimes I have to take it one day at a time, and sometimes even one hour at a time.

Made4N
Double
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 2:39 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): April 22nd, 2007
Gender: Male
Location: Colorado

Re: Currently Pregnant and past miscarriages

Postby Made4N » Fri Oct 28, 2016 7:38 am

Thanks Madcar16.

I should probably post an update. On August 19 we had a healthy baby girl. We call her our miracle baby. My wife still has not read the book but plans to as soon as things start to settle down. This is her first attempt at being a stay at home mom.

We have not forgotten the miscarriages and never will. We do need to name them, we feel that will help.


Return to “Pregnancy and Postpartum”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users