How should a husband deal with this?

Menopause - how it impacts your health, your sexuality, and your life in general.
User avatar
James186282
Queen bed
Posts: 158
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:23 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 23rd, 1988
Gender: Male

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby James186282 » Mon Dec 20, 2010 11:25 am

Cancer worries are indeed a good reason to preclude HRT but too many doctors are saying no just because they heard a study about synthetics that make them want to avoid the issue. Or they hate suzane summers! :lol:

User avatar
beekeeper
California King
Posts: 859
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2005 7:34 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): December 12th, 1981
Gender: Male
Location: Forests of Maine
Contact:

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby beekeeper » Mon Dec 20, 2010 11:40 am

James186282 wrote:Cancer worries are indeed a good reason to preclude HRT but too many doctors are saying no just because they heard a study about synthetics that make them want to avoid the issue. Or they hate suzane summers! :lol:


From '3 is company'?

I am not aware of what connection there is between '3 is company' and synthetic HRT.

User avatar
Two Hearts
King bed
Posts: 396
Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 8:58 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): July 25th, 1986
Gender: Female

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby Two Hearts » Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:51 pm

beekeeper wrote:
James186282 wrote:Cancer worries are indeed a good reason to preclude HRT but too many doctors are saying no just because they heard a study about synthetics that make them want to avoid the issue. Or they hate suzane summers! :lol:


From '3 is company'?

I am not aware of what connection there is between '3 is company' and synthetic HRT.

Beekeeper,
Ms. Somers has been making the rounds on talk shows promoting the books she has written about her experience with bioidentical hormone replacement therapy.

Suzanne Somers' Book

User avatar
beekeeper
California King
Posts: 859
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2005 7:34 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): December 12th, 1981
Gender: Male
Location: Forests of Maine
Contact:

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby beekeeper » Mon Dec 20, 2010 5:08 pm

Two Hearts wrote: ... Beekeeper,
Ms. Somers has been making the rounds on talk shows promoting the books she has written about her experience with bioidentical hormone replacement therapy.

Suzanne Somers' Book


Thank you, I had no idea of this.

I think the last time I saw her on TV she was promoting a workout video [or it may have been a weight loss thing] it would have been mid-90s [or earlier].

CLA
Queen bed
Posts: 206
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2009 2:02 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 1st, 1978
Gender: Male

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby CLA » Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:20 pm

James186282 wrote:No HRT for her. Ok... Why? Ask the doctor for specifics. If he/she won't look for a doctor who does communicate and better yet look for an expert in hormone replacement. There is a lot of fear about HRT that I think is confusing.

Vaginal dryness is no fun for her. Being uninterested in sex? Not good for any marriage. HRT solved that and her being totally angry 24:7

My wife also lost her ability to get up and get things done when she went into menopause. I ended up seeking a good HRT doctor and driving her back and forth and doing lots of leg work. Thats what I think your job might be in this case as well!


The current fear of cancer for women who take HRT isn't our concern. She has a history of blood clots. I wasn't surprised at our doc's recent answer. We have heard the same thing before. She even had side effects prior to the blood clots when she tried taking birth control pills when we first got married.
If anyone knows of a doc anywhere in the country who thinks that a woman with a history of blood clots (deep vein thrombosis in our case) should take HRT for sexual problems let me know and I will make an appointment. Seriously.

JP-4

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby JP-4 » Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:18 pm

After my wife went through menopause,like in her late sixties, she began to complain about vagina pain and I was clueless. Her next visit to her Ob doctor he prescribed Premarin a (conjugated estrogens) a vaginal cream. We don't use it on a regular basis but it delt with the pain. My suggestion would check this out for a possible solution.

User avatar
James186282
Queen bed
Posts: 158
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:23 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 23rd, 1988
Gender: Male

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby James186282 » Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:45 am

I've heard many reasons not to do HRT (And many to do it as well) I know that being on Testosterone (me) raises my red blood cell count but?? I'm not expert enough to understand if thats what your talking about? I've been kind of uptight myself about the synthetic versus human identical hormone question. In short I think how can "human" hormones not be a better choice then synthetics? But I'm no expert. Just trying to use my "horse" sense (a joke)

I think its always good to ask a doctor who really does HRT to spell out the whys and why nots as well as the risks and what you can or can't do to avoid them. Not to sound like Miss Summers too much but I would read as much as I could (Including her book) and seek out a doctor who does Bio Identical hormones.

In our experience Vaginal bio identical creams are very useful in helping with lubrication and in delivery of the hormones. Without sounding like a shill I think its of great value to have some water based lubricant for getting intimate handy. Menopause or not its no fun for your DW to be dry.

And for what this is worth the mental health (like) aspects of HRT are at least AS important as any physical considerations. My wife went from being just 100% angry and really unhappy to being back to normal on HRT. She was finding it very hard to function at all without HRT and I ended up doing a lot of legwork, looking up things, reading about menopause and so forth. Mental clarity seems (In our case) to be tied to hormones.

There are many our there but the one that is the least mess and works well for us is this stuff.
http://davryan.com/

User avatar
Paul B
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Posts: 2067
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2004 5:10 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 27th, 1985
Gender: Male
Location: The Inland Empire - north of Spokane, south of Canada
Contact:

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby Paul B » Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:45 am

CLA wrote:I still have a strong desire for PIV IC for more than a minute or two.

How about the next best thing? How about Pseudocourse?

The man lies on his back, legs together. The woman is above as if they were going to have intercourse with her on top. His penis is pushed against his body pointing towards his chin, so that the underside is facing up. The woman lowers herself so that his penis comes into contact with her vulva, between her outer lips. She then either pushes against him (as if thrusting), or she can slide up and down (parallel to the bed) the length of his penis. (Greater movement is possible with some erection, but even without she can slide some.) Since this is basically her clitoris rubbing against the most sensitive part of his penis, it's very possible for both of them to reach climax this way. Changing the point of contact and the amount of movement will change the intensity of the stimulation for both of them, making it possible to find a method which brings them to orgasm at about the same time. If he climaxes before her, she should start farther down the shaft; if she climaxes first, she needs to be more on the glans. Apply lubricant to his and her bits as needed, and have fun!
Paul
Marriage and Sex Educator ~ My passion is better marriages and better married sex lives.

The Generous Husband
The XY Code - Attempting to explain men to women.
Follow me on Twitter @themarriagebed

CLA
Queen bed
Posts: 206
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2009 2:02 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 1st, 1978
Gender: Male

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby CLA » Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:58 am

Thanks, I will suggest that to her. We did try something similar except I was on top of her. Another earlier suggestion was that I simply remain still while in her and she uses her vibe. That has worked sometimes, although if she hasn't been hurting lately and I try that she starts to want me to move! I guess instinct takes over the brain at some point and she forgets how much it will hurt afterwards.

Also, on the prior post we have been told that any type of HRT is contraindicated for a woman with a history of blood clots.

User avatar
James186282
Queen bed
Posts: 158
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:23 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 23rd, 1988
Gender: Male

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby James186282 » Wed Jan 26, 2011 4:19 pm

Blood clots could be an issue but be sure your talking to a real expert in this. There are a wide variety of thought on even the use of HRT and there are doctors that say NO to it all the time and others who say yes almost as much. I would really study up and talk to some mainstream experts.

Another idea is to speak to a therapist. One who does sex therapy for couples might be of some value.

CLA
Queen bed
Posts: 206
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2009 2:02 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 1st, 1978
Gender: Male

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby CLA » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:45 am

Thought I would give an update.
A new gyno said that a more recent study showed that the low hormone dose inserted into the vagina directly is safe for a woman with a history of blood clots to take.

User avatar
Leah
Under the stars
Posts: 16261
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:42 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 3rd, 1979
Gender: Female
Location: The Volunteer State

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby Leah » Sat Feb 17, 2018 5:10 pm

It is obscenely expensive and does not work. Physical therapy for pelvic strength does work, and can be maintained at home once the intial round is done. Insurance pays and there are no side effects except pain-free intercourse and awesome climaxes.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


TMB Copyright and Fair Use

User avatar
seeking perspective
Under the stars
Posts: 5723
Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:01 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): April 27th, 1991
Gender: Female
Location: between the Northwoods and the Great Plains and the Great Lakes
Contact:

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby seeking perspective » Sat Feb 17, 2018 5:23 pm

Is your wife seeing someone who specializes in sexual health or vulvar-vaginal issues? I recently wrote about some non-hormonal ways of dealing with atrophy, and much of what you'll see in the post helps with pain issues as well.

Seeing the right specialist can help her develop the most effective treatment plant that draws from a variety of approaches.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
The Forgiven Wife
and Sex Chat for Christian Wives

User avatar
Leah
Under the stars
Posts: 16261
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:42 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 3rd, 1979
Gender: Female
Location: The Volunteer State

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby Leah » Sat Feb 17, 2018 5:31 pm

Indeed. I had pain even when I wasn't having sex, and the physical therapy was a huge game changer.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


TMB Copyright and Fair Use

ledgemoor
Under the stars
Posts: 3168
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 7:31 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 3rd, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Feb 18, 2018 8:28 am

CLA wrote:A new gyno said that a more recent study showed that the low hormone dose inserted into the vagina directly is safe for a woman with a history of blood clots to take.
I remember this thread from years ago. Glad you haven't given up!

Vaginal estrogen will definitely help. My wife used it. See my comments on Estrace in my first post to this thread. However, the estrogen ideally should go in her blood stream. There is now evidence that proper dosages of bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy, applied transdermally -- NOT orally -- does not increase the odds of blood clots.
https://imcwc.com/html5-blank/hormone-r ... ood-clots/
In fact, there are no studies showing that NORMAL hormone levels increase blood clots that I am aware of.

In addition to estrogen, she also needs progesterone and testosterone. The testosterone besides the obvious benefits to libido and weigh loss, also affects lubrication during sex. And it would be rare that a good bHRT doctor would ever prescribe estrogen without progesterone.

You mentioned in your earlier post that you would be willing to travel to a place that would consider prescribing bHRT to your wife. The clinic that wrote that article looks like it would be worth checking out. Also, go to a4m.com and click on Directory. Also, go to a compounding pharmacy and ask for physician referrals.

I am happy to report that we are both still on bHRT, and now practically in our 60s are enjoying the best sex of our lives. I have virtually no ED difficulties, and DW's libido is good. We rarely use any artificial lube. And, she has become multiorgasmic! Still cancer-free.
Last edited by ledgemoor on Sun Feb 18, 2018 8:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

ledgemoor
Under the stars
Posts: 3168
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 7:31 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 3rd, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Feb 18, 2018 8:33 am

Leah wrote:It is obscenely expensive and does not work. Physical therapy for pelvic strength does work, and can be maintained at home once the intial round is done. Insurance pays and there are no side effects except pain-free intercourse and awesome climaxes.
Estrace and the like which applies estrogen directly to the vagina DOES work. It isn't the ideal solution, and it is insanely expensive. But if you can't put it in the bloodstream where it belongs, Estrace is a lot better than nothing.

But pelvic floor issues and hormone issues are different problems. Improving pelvic strength is always a good thing, and there is no risk involved. Everyone should at least do Kegel exercises. It will make sex better for both of you.

But some people do have hormone issues unfortunately, and physical therapy will not fix them. (And hormones will not fix pelvic floor issues).
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

User avatar
Leah
Under the stars
Posts: 16261
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:42 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 3rd, 1979
Gender: Female
Location: The Volunteer State

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby Leah » Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:59 am

I have been through menopause for years. My hormones are low. Hormones were not helpful. They were also very expensive.

My doctor recommended physical therapy. If pain is the issue, then I would start there before ever taking a drug.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


TMB Copyright and Fair Use

CLA
Queen bed
Posts: 206
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2009 2:02 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 1st, 1978
Gender: Male

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby CLA » Sun Feb 18, 2018 3:04 pm

Thanks everyone! It has been a long time, but after almost a decade I have some reason for hope.
We still have several doctor visits to go before she starts to take anything. At The First visit with the gyno he took some measurements and told her that she also needed to do Kegels daily. The next visit tomorrow is with another dr to determine if she needs to be on any blood thinners if she going to take any hormones, It looks like the hormone that they are going to recommend is something called Prevarin. I think it will cost about $166 a month. Pricey, but cheaper than a divorce!
He also said he would have to refer her to someone else if she was wants to take Testosterone as he said it was tricky to monitor and she would be better off with someone who has a practice more devoted to that sort of thing.
I don’t know much about the bioidentical option but I will mention it to her.

User avatar
poetess
Under the stars
Posts: 3398
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2012 8:47 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): October 8th, 2011
Gender: Female

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby poetess » Sun Feb 18, 2018 3:40 pm

CLA, I found this line shocking:

Pricey, but cheaper than a divorce!


Divorce isn't a joking matter, and if I were your wife and reading this thread, I would feel so disrespected.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

User avatar
Leah
Under the stars
Posts: 16261
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:42 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 3rd, 1979
Gender: Female
Location: The Volunteer State

Re: How should a husband deal with this?

Postby Leah » Sun Feb 18, 2018 3:47 pm

CLA wrote:At The First visit with the gyno he took some measurements and told her that she also needed to do Kegels daily.


That's the first clue that physical therapy is indicated. Besides pelvic strength, they help with stretching. They gave me a lot of good information and encouragement. I had good kegel strength, but I had to add pelvic brace and gluteal strength as well.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


TMB Copyright and Fair Use


Return to “Menopause”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users