Menopause killed my libido

Menopause - how it impacts your health, your sexuality, and your life in general.
mamame
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Menopause killed my libido

Postby mamame » Sun Sep 11, 2011 6:47 am

Have you read anything by Dr. Christianne Northrup? I might have her name spelled wrong - but she's got some good stuff to read.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby CLA » Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:04 pm

SW,
I admire that you are trying and that you care even though you have lost the feeling. I am sure that if your husband knew he would feel the same way.I remember thinking once that I would be happy if my wife just acted enthusiatically sometimes it would help.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:19 am

@mamame -- That book and my objections to it are covered in an earlier post in this thread, but basically it boils down to not wanting to wade through all the new-agey stuff in order to find helpful information.

@Exuberance and CLA -- Thanks so much for the prayers and kind encouragement. It means a lot.
SW, who is challenged by this statement: Your husband's sex life with you is the only legitimate one he has; what are YOU doing to make it the best it can be?

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby younggm » Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:44 am

I am new here - just read your post and am sad to say I can totally relate. I had the spike the same as you, lasted about a year. Also have and still am spending thousands of dollars out of pocket on bio-identical hormones with some results, but not what I want or was hoping for. Add in thousands of dollars on a sex therapist, tons of money wasted on female sensations enhancement products and all were no help.

It really sucks - this menopause nightmare!

The only way I can have an orgasm is with the use of the Hitachi vibrator. It's the only thing thing that will take me over the edge. I never even owned a vibrator until this menopause stuff started. Like you I get brain horny but the body does not respond well. it's quite frustrating. Oh and my doctors were also of the mindset that it is just a part of menopause for me so get use to it. (jerks!!!!)

The hormones helped some - I at least have some feeling now vs none, and can orgasm (with the Hitachi) some of the time. I also spend time in the bathroom in tears after sex sometimes.

I have no answers just empathy and unfortunately the ability to tell you that you are not alone! :(

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Tue Sep 27, 2011 7:31 am

younggm, welcome to TMB. I appreciate your commiseration. It's cold comfort indeed to know there are others suffering in the same way. I think our numbers are legion, and I think that works against us in the sense that doctors expect us to just take it in stride as the natural course of life. And maybe it is. ::bh

But if Viagra has come to the rescue for ageing men, can't researchers work on something for women? I could be wrong (and hope I am) but it seems like there is no sense of urgency or importance within the medical community about this issue. Google menopause and low libido and you can find plenty about how common the complaint is, but precious little on anything being done to address it. And even less on how to cope with it if it can't be changed.
SW, who is challenged by this statement: Your husband's sex life with you is the only legitimate one he has; what are YOU doing to make it the best it can be?

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby melinda » Tue Sep 27, 2011 7:41 am

Shulammite woman wrote:younggm, welcome to TMB. I appreciate your commiseration. It's cold comfort indeed to know there are others suffering in the same way. I think our numbers are legion, and I think that works against us in the sense that doctors expect us to just take it in stride as the natural course of life. And maybe it is. ::bh

But if Viagra has come to the rescue for ageing men, can't researchers work on something for women? I could be wrong (and hope I am) but it seems like there is no sense of urgency or importance within the medical community about this issue. Google menopause and low libido and you can find plenty about how common the complaint is, but precious little on anything being done to address it. And even less on how to cope with it if it can't be changed.


Actually, pharmaceutical companies are working very hard to find the female version of viagra. However, researchers are finding that female sexual response is far more nuanced than the male's. So, there is difficulty in pinpointing one compound or a group of compounds that will work in women. And viagra was discovered by complete accident, the drug was originally designed as a treatment for heart conditions and the increased arousal and erection rate was a side effect.

Eventually they will find something that will work in a similar fashion for women.

*edited to correct a factual error.
Last edited by melinda on Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:09 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby plytome » Tue Sep 27, 2011 9:25 am

Seem to be having some of this going on at our house too.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby ledgemoor » Tue Sep 27, 2011 1:03 pm

Younggm, sorry to hear about the difficulties.

Have they tried increasing your testosterone? Or another possibility is that they were giving you too much to begin with. The excess gets converted to estrogen.

Besides lack of libido and difficulty Oing, do you have other symptoms of low T? well-known symptoms are lack of lubrication when you do get arosed, and pubic hair falling out. In our experience, she should be plenty wet to have sex without artificial lube if you don't rush it, and there should be a nice wet spot on the sheets after it's all over.

We also noticed that she had none of that pleasant smell when she was horney and no taste when giving her OS. I was having testosterone issues at the time, so it may have been me not able to smell/taste her.

DW had menopause then a hysterectomy, and it took about a year of screwing with dosages to get it right. She probably changed prescriptions a half-dozen times. It may need to be changed again as she ages. So don't give up. Keep good records and compare to your symptom chart. Your doctor can prescribe separate Testosterone, biEst, and Progesterone so you can expierment with dosages.


DW went thru a spell where everyting was OK except that she had weak orgasms. The problem went away on its own. But we told the doctor, and he said if it happens again, we could try oxytocin suppliments. Also, he said that sucking her nipples helps by producing oxytocin. Turns out that DW has a very hard time Oing without me sucking her nipples. It's something we've always done since day one of our marriage, so I don't know if it's a learned thing or if it is hormonal. Anyway, something to try!

BTW, I can't remember where I heard this, but some women find that Viagra helps them. I did find this
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/ ... ra-for-her
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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby younggm » Sun Oct 02, 2011 3:02 pm

Younggm, sorry to hear about the difficulties.

Have they tried increasing your testosterone? Or another possibility is that they were giving you too much to begin with. The excess gets converted to estrogen.

Besides lack of libido and difficulty Oing, do you have other symptoms of low T? well-known symptoms are lack of lubrication when you do get arosed, and pubic hair falling out. In our experience, she should be plenty wet to have sex without artificial lube if you don't rush it, and there should be a nice wet spot on the sheets after it's all over.


I don't have lack of desire. For the most part, along with other issues, menopause has caused me to have clitoral desensitization. What that means is that I have lost a lot of the feeling in my clitoral area, which affects my ability to get aroused, feel pleasure, and have orgasms during sex. I have been trying for over 2 1/2 years to get my hormones balanced with the bio-identical hormones, including testosterone to try to get the sensation back to where it was before menopause. I have had experience with too much testosterone and also too little, neither were much fun. Although, I found when my testosterone levels were too high - I thought about sex ALL THE TIME. I think I now have kind of an ideal what men go through. lol

Several times it felt like I had my hormones balanced and the sexual responses were working better but it did not last more than a couple of months. My body for some reason seems to feel a need to keep throwing itself out of whack. It has been and still is very frustrating. I am better off with the hormones than I was without. I at least have some feeling now vs no feeling, but like I said it is not where I want to be. The feelings I have in the clitoral area is still quite diminished compared to the way it was before menopause hit.

I find it very frustrating when I can get somewhat aroused and sex feels good but It gets to a certain level and stays there and i can't quite tip over the edge, or I lose the good feelings as they fizzle out to nothing. I also have times where I can't feel anything, although I am very brain horny, my sexual parts just feel numb when touched. I can ONLY have orgasms by using the Hitachi wand on my clitoris (it is extremely powerful), and occasionally the orgasms are pretty good, but more often they are very weak and unsatisfactory. It really upsets me that I can not reach orgasms any other way like i used to be able to. But I am grateful I can at least still have orgasms some of the time. My natural lubrication is way better than it was before, but I always still have to use artificial lube. I am never wet enough to not use lubes. I am still working with the hormones, I also do kegals regularly, and i do a vaginal renewal process (which this site won't let me post the link for). You can google "Vaginal Renewal TM - A Woman's Touch"

I am trying to stay positive and focus on feeling pleasure instead of focusing on orgasms. This is the advice our sex therapist gave us. My husband and I have a frequent and varied sex life (2- 3 times a week, sometimes more). I usually can reach orgasms at least one of those times (once a week), which is an improvement from not being able to have any before the hormones after menopause struck. I enjoy the physical closeness having sex brings to our relationship and I enjoy giving my husband pleasure. But I also feel very frustrated at times with my body and its sporadic responses or lack of responses.

I have tried everything I can think of trying. I am finally resigned to this is how I am now and am trying to adjust my attitude. Oh and I also tried one of my husbands pills one time. It seemed to increase the blood flow to the clitoral area but did not make much difference in the feeling level or the ability to orgasm.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby purple heather » Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:10 am

Thanks to all af you who have been sharing about this problem. I feel like my SD has been going down for a while and I don`t like it at all! (I`m 52 and it seems I´ve completely reached menopause now.)

I´m asking myself how good or ok it is to help getting aroused by reading erotic stories etc. Once in a while I tried and it does help but I never know if it`s really ok for me as a Christian.
I feel that it`s good since it helps in our marital relationship and makes my husband happy if I´m more interested in sex. (I must say that we have sex frequently despite of my lower drive, to me it`s very important that my husband is happy and saisfied.)

But on the other side I`m not really sure if phantasising through stories of other people´s sex life or sex ideas isn`t sin.

I´d like to get some wisdom from you about this question that`s in my mind for a long time now. Thanks.

Should maybe I post this in another section?

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby beekeeper » Sat Nov 12, 2011 2:09 pm

Shulammite woman wrote:... This, as it turned out, was the beginning of perimenopause. The libido spike lasted for about 6-9 months, then dropped off back to my old normal briefly, then plummeted to absolutely nothing. Besides never being horny, arousal doesn’t always happen during foreplay, when it does it’s very muted. And O is much more difficult to come by, about half the time when I used to O about 95%.


That sounds pretty normal to me.

When my Dw hit perimenopause it all stopped.

We are now nearly 30 years later, she has never convinced any doctor to give her testosterone supplements. I wish we could find a doctor who would.

I also have high hopes for bioidentical HRT, but her regular doctor will not prescribe it.



... my gyn tells me the death of my libido is the expected result. She says virtually all of her patients experience this at menopause, including herself. How can this be? Why isn’t there more talk about this? Is anyone trying to come up with the female version of Viagra?

I don’t know how to navigate this landscape.


Good luck.

You are on the same landscape as we are on.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby GuitarPlayer » Sat Nov 12, 2011 2:33 pm

Some of it can be menopause, my apologies, everyone is different. However, other factors may be hindering things. Do you exercise? How often, are you overweight, body composition? What is your diet like, do you take any supplements, are you eating soy? A healthy diet and active lifestyle usually coincides with a healthy sex drive. Exercise alone has proven in studies to boost libido, something about blood flow...... :D Best wishes.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Sat Nov 12, 2011 9:21 pm

beekeeper, I'm familiar with your story. I can only imagine what it would have been like if I had experienced this in my 20s, as your DW did. And of course, her personal medical history leaves her with much fewer options. I'm thankful I had a longer history of a good sex life with my DH. I'm operating out of that foundation to try to maintain a good experience for him. I'm so sorry it's a far bleaker picture for you.

GuitarPlayer, none of those things, in my case, are responsible for the death of my libido. I have never been overweight, my diet is healthy and balanced, I take vitamins & supplements (the exact combination of which has been adjusted to meet the stage of life I am now in), I am as active as I've ever been. My personal scenario more fits the picture of someone going along swimmingly, peaking even, then having the rug abruptly pulled out from under. For me (and countless other women), it's menopause, plain & simple.

And I'm sick of it. ::bh
SW, who is challenged by this statement: Your husband's sex life with you is the only legitimate one he has; what are YOU doing to make it the best it can be?

younggm

Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby younggm » Sun Nov 13, 2011 8:32 pm

Guitar player - while you are right on in some cases, in my case it is totally menopause related. I am 5'3", 112 lbs. Perfect BMI, flat stomach (as flat as it can be after 6 pregnancies!) I walk/run 3 to 4 miles a day, 5 days a week, followed by stretching and toning exercises for another 45 minutes. I also take supplements and eat a very healthy diet of high quality protein, natural carbs, lots of vegetables, and healthy fats. I drink lots of water. Do kegals regularly! As far as I can tell - and my doctors concur, there is no other reason than hormonal imbalance brought on by menopause. As you said, women are all different. Not all women have this issue - some become more orgasmic and even multi orgasmic. Not me!!! And it sucks!!!

Purple Heather - I find erotica sometimes helps and sometimes does not. I also have the same concerns, but don't have any answers for you. You are not alone though if that helps any.

Beekeeper - no your regular doctor probably will not prescribe the bio-identicals. But more and more doctors are on board with them. Keep trying! I had to go outside of our insurance and pay out of pocket to get them. It has been worth it and in spite of not having a total cure, I am still very happy that I am on them.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Thu Mar 01, 2012 8:23 am

Just need to vent a little. I HATE MENOPAUSE!!

I'm feeling especially ::bh :( ::bh today. Feeling very disconnected, unsexy, blah. I am probably no longer exuding any pheromones. I HATE MENOPAUSE!!

Besides the toll menopause has taken on me sexually, I also have menopause to blame for the 15# weight gain that simply will not be lost. I'm sick of not being able to fit into most of my pants. I have an adversarial relationship with food now. Much of the enjoyment of food is gone when I have to monitor every bite, trying to stay well inside of 1000 calories just to keep from adding more to the 15# over that I already am. I HATE MENOPAUSE!! :evil:

Menopause has robbed me of two of life's big enjoyments - sex and food. But I am far more bothered by the impact to my sexual self. It would be a lot easier to cope with being hungry for food I can't have if I could also feel a hunger for sex, which I CAN have.

Did I say that I hate menopause?
SW, who is challenged by this statement: Your husband's sex life with you is the only legitimate one he has; what are YOU doing to make it the best it can be?

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Menopause killed my libido

Postby Dgenerous » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:05 am

Your calorie goal is under 1000 calories? Do you know how many calories you're burning?

Unless you are essentially sedentary, 1000 calories is too low. Have you thought of getting a calorie tracking device like the BodyMedia Fit armband or the Body Bugg?


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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby TilWeHaveFaces » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:09 am

Dgenerous wrote:Your calorie goal is under 1000 calories? Do you know how many calories you're burning?

Unless you are essentially sedentary, 1000 calories is too low. Have you thought of getting a calorie tracking device like the BodyMedia Fit armband or the Body Bugg?


+1 to BodyMedia. My DW is probably going to be buying one of those soon. (She said it was either that or a tattoo after her first half marathon, so I'm, uh, in support of her choice.)

And hey, how do you feel about exercise? For me it's a bit of an "eat whatever you want" card. At the very least, a little bit of activity and you can bump that calorie number up a bit.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby blushingwife » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:11 am

Yes, 1000 calories sounds way too low. Besides, your body will eventually think you are going trough srarvation and stop shedding pounds anyway.

The best way to lose weight is to eat well (healthy but never starve yourself) and exercise. It is slow, but it works. I can highly recommend Weight Watchers, and many WW apps for smart phones are free.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby convicted » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:30 am

Shulammite woman wrote:Just need to vent a little. I HATE MENOPAUSE!!


Did I say that I hate menopause?

Sorry beloved, I hate it right along with you. simply cause it's [ticking] you off.


I hear it does end though & when it does I'll go back and kick it a few more times while you're off onto the next chapter of your life.
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And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:12 am

My doctor (gyn) has calculated -- based on my body type, level of activity, etc. -- that I should eat no more than 1200 calories to maintain current weight. This is just the reality of post-menopause metabolism and the body's insistance on belly fat to store estrogen. But I find that 1000-1200 sees the scale moving upwards. I've been losing and gaining the same 3 to 4 pounds for about a year now. It comes off s--o--o--o--o sl--o--o--o--o--w--ly, yet goes back on so fast.


convicted wrote:I hear it does end though & when it does I'll go back and kick it a few more times while you're off onto the next chapter of your life.

What chapter do you mean? What comes after post-menopause?
SW, who is challenged by this statement: Your husband's sex life with you is the only legitimate one he has; what are YOU doing to make it the best it can be?


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