Menopause killed my libido

Menopause - how it impacts your health, your sexuality, and your life in general.
blushingwife
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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby blushingwife » Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:25 am

Mmmm... well, I would consider adding exercise to the daily routine: aerobic exercise but weight training really speed up weight loss, more than cutting calories alone would

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Menopause killed my libido

Postby Dgenerous » Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:31 am

Shulammite woman wrote:
Dgenerous wrote:Have you thought of getting a calorie tracking device like the BodyMedia Fit armband or the Body Bugg?



Is that a device that tracks how many calories you burn?


Yes.

I'm sorry, I've worked with and helped take pounds off of lots of people from all walks of life, and I think you should see someone who does that for a living. Most doctors don't seem to know a lot about weight loss. You can do a LOT more to combat estrogen dominance than just control your calories, and this is not information that your GP is going to sit down and coach you through, even if he or she has the base of knowledge, which I doubt.

If you can get past the title, I like the book This Is Why You're Fat by Jackie Warner. If you combine her info on hormones with an armband that monitors your calories burned, I think you will be much less frustrated, and probably eating a few more calories.

I don't think you should ever go below 1000, and it sounds like your GP agrees with me. So either something besides menopause is happening (ie low thyroid), you are not accurately counting your calories, or you are literally sitting 18 hours a day. That last one comes with a lot of extra problems, so if that's the case I would make a change ASAP.

Weight loss, once we eliminate medical conditions, is simple. Not easy by any means, but certainly simple. It is to our culture's great detriment that people make so much money off of making it seem complicated.


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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:47 am

There's no underlying medical condition. I just had my annual checkup last month. Thyroid was checked, bloodwork was good. I'm definitely not sitting around all day. I'm most likely just being extra-sensitive about these changes because I've never had to worry about weight before. Some days I think I'm just being stubborn about accepting what changes come with this phase of life. You don't see many women over 50 with a flat stomach, I'm probably fighting a losing battle. And I hate the thought of having to replace a bunch of things in my wardrobe with a size bigger.

Honestly, the weight thing is more of a side thing. It would fade to the background if I could have my sex drive back.
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Dgenerous
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Menopause killed my libido

Postby Dgenerous » Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:55 am

I'm sorry. :(


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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:00 pm

I will check into that book you recommend, Dgenerous. Sounds like there could be some helpful insights.
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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby betsy1 » Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:53 am

I could have written your original post. I came here to see how many women were actually helped by bHRT. I'm considering forking out the big bucks to go through with it. Now I'm not sure I want to waste my money. Maybe the money is better spent on a Hitatchi Magic Wand. ha!

I'm only 43. I was forced into menopause from a complete hysterectomy. I NEVER expected this. There is so much going on in my life and the only thing I've had that was "normal" is my relationship with dh. Now that is NOT normal in the sense that I rarely O any more and I NEVER desire it. I go through the motions for dh but he is feeling a bit depressed that it no longer holds pleasure for me. I'm angry that the one thing I had to look forward to has no been taken away from me.

SO can anyone tell me bHRT helped them? It may be my last hope back to normalcy.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby OldMarriedLady » Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:15 pm

betsy1 wrote:SO can anyone tell me bHRT helped them?

:wave Yep, it helped me. It seems to help the majority of women, although there will always be exceptions to the rule such as Shulammite woman is experiencing. I've only been on it for about 5 months now but the change is startling, not just in my sex drive but in my general well-being and energy level too. I didn't even realize how bad of a brain fog I was in until I came out of it.

I am very lucky that I haven't had to fork out "big bucks" to get bHRT either. I found a doctor who was covered by my insurance plan so I just have to pay the standard office visit co-pay, and the compounded hormone creams aren't covered but only cost me $54 a month. My DH, on the other hand, sees an out-of-network doctor for his bHRT and we pay a ridiculous amount of money for that each year. (He doesn't want to switch to my doctor because the doctor he has now is very thorough about frequent blood testing, whereas my doctor just has me answer some questions about how I'm feeling every few months to gauge the efficacy of the treatment. I think it's less of a delicate balancing act for female hormones though.)

A good way to find a doctor who will prescribe bHRT is to contact a compounding pharmacy in your area and ask them for a list of doctors whose patients get their prescriptions there. I did this, and then checked to see if any of the doctors on the list were also in my insurance plan.

Oh, and I went through my (very abrupt) menopause at 36 after a tubal ligation. :shock:
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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby ledgemoor » Tue Jul 31, 2012 8:42 pm

Betsy1, if they got your ovaries, which I assume they did because you had a "complete" hysterectomy, then there is almost no doubt that bHRT will help.

So spend whatever it costs. It will improve not only your sex life, but your overall health as well -- you will feel more energetic, lose weight, improve your immune system.... The cost of bHRT actually isn't that expensive compared to other medical care. If you avoid a heart attack (or divorce!) because of bHRT, it's more than paid for itself!

The main difficulty is getting the dosages worked out. They will test your hormone levels (as well as other things such as thyroid and do general blood work) and guess at the initial dosages. Then you chart your results on a page-long list of symptoms, and they will adjust from there. So be patient. And I am afraid that bHRT will never be as good as original equipment. But on the other hand, even on your initial prescription you will most likely feel much better than you do now.

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby firefly » Mon Dec 10, 2012 2:34 pm

Read through the posts and I concur with utter frustration for my DW. She has had no libido for probably 8 years now. She started menepause at 45 and just lost any desire for me altogether. Fortunately, she O's from PIV sex most every time. I say most, because she has used a vibe of some sort to help her desire for me, though it is only during love making. The Erosilator was a great help for a couple of years, then I stumbled across the Hitachi. Now, any time she wants to be held or feels the need to have an O, because she knows it is good for her too, she grabs her vibe and we enjoy one another. She is so frustrated at her utter lack of desire and 0 libido. She politely told me the other day, (hurt my feelings at first, but I understand it is beyond her control) that she has no desire to kiss, be touched, fondled, or have sex. She said she grabs her vibrator just because she knows I need her to participate 2-3 times a week. Thank God for the vibrator. She says she feels so disconnected, so non sexual. She wants to be held, cuddled, babied, pampered, but don't get sexual on me, she retorts. She says, I want to want you, I just don't. Said all that to say, she is against HRT, believes it causes cancer and other health effects, she is an avid reader, except sexual things. If you ladies find something that is natural, like DHEA, etc., please share it with all of us. My wife is 53 and she is convinced that her only libido/desire builder is her Hitachi. She says she will use it faithfully with or without a libido. I do have a good wife that knows I have needs. Sorry you ladies have to tread through this.
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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby mom210 » Mon Dec 10, 2012 6:14 pm

firefly wrote:Read through the posts and I concur with utter frustration for my DW. She has had no libido for probably 8 years now. She started menepause at 45 and just lost any desire for me altogether. Fortunately, she O's from PIV sex most every time. I say most, because she has used a vibe of some sort to help her desire for me, though it is only during love making. The Erosilator was a great help for a couple of years, then I stumbled across the Hitachi. Now, any time she wants to be held or feels the need to have an O, because she knows it is good for her too, she grabs her vibe and we enjoy one another. She is so frustrated at her utter lack of desire and 0 libido. She politely told me the other day, (hurt my feelings at first, but I understand it is beyond her control) that she has no desire to kiss, be touched, fondled, or have sex. She said she grabs her vibrator just because she knows I need her to participate 2-3 times a week. Thank God for the vibrator. She says she feels so disconnected, so non sexual. She wants to be held, cuddled, babied, pampered, but don't get sexual on me, she retorts. She says, I want to want you, I just don't. Said all that to say, she is against HRT, believes it causes cancer and other health effects, she is an avid reader, except sexual things. If you ladies find something that is natural, like DHEA, etc., please share it with all of us. My wife is 53 and she is convinced that her only libido/desire builder is her Hitachi. She says she will use it faithfully with or without a libido. I do have a good wife that knows I have needs. Sorry you ladies have to tread through this.


If not used properly and correctly and monitored... hormone modulation CAN be a dangerous thing.. but when one is deplete in a hormone then supplementing with them can be a lifesaver..literally..
perhaps you can encourage your DW to do some research into the benefits of GOOD hormone modulation...

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby OldMarriedLady » Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:48 pm

firefly wrote:she is against HRT, believes it causes cancer and other health effects, she is an avid reader, except sexual things. If you ladies find something that is natural, like DHEA, etc., please share it with all of us.

Well, the compounded bioidentical testosterone cream I put on every day is made from yams - those are pretty natural. (Yams don't scare me, unless I'm being asked to eat them. ::)- ) My bioidentical estrogen is made from soybeans. This article from the Harvard Medical School explains the difference between synthetic hormones and bioidenticals. The Womens Health Initiative study that found links between HRT and cancer only studied synthetic (chemical) hormones, not bioidenticals.

I took Premarin (a synthetic estrogen) for 13 years before switching over to the bioidentical estriol and estradiol. I had no elevated cancer risks; all my mammograms and Pap smears came back totally clear. According to my doctors, there is only an elevated risk if you already have a family history of cancer(s), which thankfully I don't have.
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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby spiritfire777 » Sun Dec 16, 2012 2:43 pm

thankfully it was as easy for me as takeing a suppliment I found in a drug store.. you can find it in most stores as a store brand.. after a month or so of it, libido increased alot! I am a different wife because of it.. :)

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby purple heather » Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:18 am

spiritfire777 wrote:thankfully it was as easy for me as takeing a suppliment I found in a drug store.. you can find it in most stores as a store brand.. after a month or so of it, libido increased alot! I am a different wife because of it.. :)


spiritfire, could you tell me the exact name of the product you`re taking? Thanks!

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:27 am

spiritfire777 wrote:thankfully it was as easy for me as takeing a suppliment I found in a drug store.. you can find it in most stores as a store brand.. after a month or so of it, libido increased alot! I am a different wife because of it.. :)



spiritfire, are you post-menopausal or were you dealing with low libido issues not caused by menopause?
SW, who is challenged by this statement: Your husband's sex life with you is the only legitimate one he has; what are YOU doing to make it the best it can be?

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby seeker12 » Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:33 am

My DW has been taking bioidentical hormonal treatment for almost 10 years. Her Mother died from breast cancer. So far, no signs of cancer from her yearly exams. Even though her libido is not as strong as mine, she still has one!

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Tue Dec 18, 2012 12:38 pm

I spent a year and $2000 out-of-pocket doing bioidentical hormone replacement with a hormone specialist at Bodylogicmd. Unfortunately for me, it had no effect on my sex drive. I'm glad your wife is having some success with it.
SW, who is challenged by this statement: Your husband's sex life with you is the only legitimate one he has; what are YOU doing to make it the best it can be?

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby spiritfire777 » Wed Dec 19, 2012 3:03 am

Shulammite woman wrote:
spiritfire777 wrote:thankfully it was as easy for me as takeing a suppliment I found in a drug store.. you can find it in most stores as a store brand.. after a month or so of it, libido increased alot! I am a different wife because of it.. :)



spiritfire, are you post-menopausal or were you dealing with low libido issues not caused by menopause?



The answer to both questions above.. I am currently going through menopause, and had raging symptoms!!.. I was NOT a happy girl.. had hot flashes, low libido, big time grumpy ..and a bunch more! ... I take the store version of remifen.. and everything has changed... I am back to my old self again.. in fact libido has increased since before.. I have noticed that there are reports of this product increaseing libido.. although that is not why I take it.. I admit its a pleasant side effect...

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby Shulammite woman » Sat Dec 22, 2012 8:07 am

I am going to give the Remifemin a try. Picked up some from StuffMart today. I really hope this helps, though I admit I'm not very optimistic about it working for me.
SW, who is challenged by this statement: Your husband's sex life with you is the only legitimate one he has; what are YOU doing to make it the best it can be?

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby purple heather » Sat Dec 22, 2012 12:05 pm

Í
Shulammite woman wrote:I am going to give the Remifemin a try. Picked up some from StuffMart today. I really hope this helps, though I admit I'm not very optimistic about it working for me.


I´ll probably try it, too, will get some soon...... I guess it takes several weeks till it works, doesn`t it?

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Re: Menopause killed my libido

Postby 4mybride85 » Sat Dec 22, 2012 6:40 pm

My wife and I have read this thread completely and we are so sorry for what youn are going thru. We believe DW is pre menopause. She has been on a definate upswing lately from 1-2 times per week to almost every day, which is where I have been all 27 yrs of marriage. She is concerned that our story may eventually mirror yours to some degree. Generaly, on TMB there is much encouragement to openly communicate with one another. Surprisingly it seems to be lacking in this thread.

We don't know your husband, of course, but speaking for us we feel that open communication is always best. We have had many challenges and it is always best that we both know where we are. What it is is what it is. Your husband not knowing does not change what it is. As your husband God means him for your good. He needs to help you cary this burden. You are now one flesh. This is both your burden. His care and understanding could go a long way toward relieving your stress. As a husband I would want to know up front rather than find out ten years down the road what DW has endured to protect my feelings. This isn't just about you or him but about your marriage. We want to encourage you to communicate with and trust your husband to do what God has called him to do.
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