Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Menopause - how it impacts your health, your sexuality, and your life in general.
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MyWifesMan
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Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby MyWifesMan » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:16 pm

I don't know about most of you, but I never anticipated how differently the approach to sex would be once menopause arrived. So strange to remember how lubricated my wife would (QUICKLY) get before menopause. And although we always used lube, truly, that was often unnecessary. Before, menopause, THE sign that she was ready for me to enter her was that she would get excessively lubricated - which was very exciting. But after menopause, forget it, as she gets far less lubricated, and even the present level of lubrication is a lot slower to build. Now I'd hurt both of us if we were to have PIV without lube, no matter after how much foreplay.

The one thing about lube is - especially if you use one like "Platinum Wet" - it's is so slippery that I can enter her before she's properly aroused. So, just because you can, doesn't mean you should. One thing we discovered is that by beginning PIV after foreplay and some initial oral on her, PIV stroking can better prep her for orally induced Os, than just the oral alone - as in pre-menopause days. Nowadays, beginning with oral on her, the stimulation is often initially too intense, and finding her magic spots can take a LOT longer. But some sustained thrusting seems to somehow "prime the pump." So, after withdrawing and beginning oral on her a second time - BINGO - it really works, as the Os will begin to flow. I must say that the changes in her sexual response after menopause caught me by surprise. Things are, well, they just work a bit differently with her. The Os take longer to "jumpstart," lube is far more important, and figuring out what works (for her) can sometimes be challenging. And what works a previous time or so is no guarantee that it's going to work for her the next session. But once figured out, she can typically O multiple times from oral. From PIV, the planet's have to all be perfectly lined up, etc.

The other thing is that it now hurts her when I first enter her - no matter how much foreplay or oral she's already received. And when I ejaculate, it typically stings. These changes have remained three years on. Anyone else have these experiences?

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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:52 pm

DW got thru menopause with not much more than a few hot flashes. Libido & lubrication actually improved.

Then she had a hysterectomy/oophrectomy, and libido and lubrication and vaginal moisture and elasticity got bad.

So she went on bioidentical hormone replacement therapy. Sex, libido, lubrication, and even her general health has never been better. So check it out for your wife. Go to a4m.com and click on Directory, or ask a compounding pharmacy for a physician referral sheet.
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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby Leah » Sun Jan 22, 2017 4:58 am

I never had pain of any kind until menopause. The tissue is much more fragile and friable. Not all treatments are effective, and they are expensive.
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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby OldBear » Sun Jan 22, 2017 6:28 am

Mrs. Youngbear had an oophrectomy in her mid-40s, so she broke through the time barrier of menopause in an instant. Interestingly, she continues to have some lubrication, nothing like before her surgery, even as she nears age 70. However, after her oophrectomy we talked about the best most comfortable and effective way to have digital foreplay for her and PIV for both of us. Mrs. Oldbear tells me when she is ready for additional lube (needs it :D ) during her ramp-up to reach her O. In addition, I've learned how to apply the right amount of lube - not too much and not too little. Too much does not enable her to feel me and too little can hurt. Too much doesn't give me enough stimulation and too little - well, at my age, it's a 'no go!'

My suggestion is to encourage her to let you know when she needs lube during foreplay and LMing and then experiment with the type of lube (we use KY Ultragel) and the amount of lube.

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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby Oklahoma » Sun Jan 22, 2017 7:17 am

Past not being so 'self lubricating', and things aren't as snug as before, all is the same!
She went through hot flashes for a while, and was double high drive for a year or so....but survived!

Lucky for us, no loss in libido, or pain!

:)

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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby Leah » Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:54 am

My libido has been about the same since I first knew what it was. Menopause has negatively affected the ease of sex in a pretty serious way.
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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby Job29Man » Sun Jan 22, 2017 4:32 pm

This is one area where I thank God sooooo much that we live with modern technology. DW is post menopausal, and sex got quite painful for her. She got on the ball with nutrition and that helped a LOT. The problems started as soon as she began to lose her periods. That's when I got on the ball and researched vibrators. I bought the Eroscillator, and I'm here to testify that it is foundational in our sex life. I'm pretty much totally unable to give her an O by any other means now, so our sex life would pretty much be toast without it.
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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby MyWifesMan » Sun Jan 22, 2017 4:45 pm

Job: DW is post menopausal, and sex got quite painful for her. She got on the ball with nutrition and that helped a LOT.


Job, how so - that is, what kind of nutritional adjustments did she make?

And, WOW - the Eroscillator isn't exactly cheap! Course, IF it does the job, you really can't put a value on that, eh?

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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby Job29Man » Sun Jan 22, 2017 5:24 pm

Dude! You are so right! I can't put a price on the happiness that has been preserved in our marriage bed due to the Eroscillator. Knowing what I know now, and looking back at how it has saved our sex life, I'd have gladly paid 2 or 3 times that amount! It used to be that she could have comfortable sex without having an O first. Now, pretty much the ONLY way she's going to have sex without pain is to O first. And menopause has put those Os pretty much out of reach by our previous means. Eroscillator to the rescue!

Nutrition -- I'm working with Sarah on putting this answer together for you. She'll get back to me more completely tomorrow on her response to me. I've already given general idea of it in other threads, but I'll get really specific soon.

Exercise -- This is one area Sarah has the most trouble in staying consistent. And my critique is that she does not get "vigorous" enough. She tends more to exercises you can do on the living room floor, and I contend she needs to get outside and push much harder until breathing hard and sweating for a good 20 minutes.
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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby Oklahoma » Mon Jan 23, 2017 10:46 am

So how does the Eroscillator compare to the Magic Wand?
The Magic Wand is by far Mrs. Okies favorite, but nothing wrong with an investment into a great cause! ;)

They are pricey! Would hate to find out it's just so-so.

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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby MyWifesMan » Mon Jan 23, 2017 3:44 pm

Oklahoma: They are pricey! Would hate to find out it's just so-so.


NO kidding - that is fairly pricey! And I'm guessing the return policies on such are not very liberal? "At least three orgasms guaranteed per use, or your money back!" :lol: Not a big market for "open box" sex toys - but really, how would you know a toy is used, anyway (no answers, please!)?

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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby Job29Man » Mon Jan 23, 2017 6:00 pm

I got the Eroscillator because it was the only sex toy ever promoted by Dr Ruth. She was quite emphatic about it, did a whole long interview on it.
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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby MyWifesMan » Tue Jan 24, 2017 8:40 am

Job, was there a big learning curve on how to use it effectively?

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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby Job29Man » Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:33 am

No bro. Piece of cake. It was a winner right out of the box. There are a few optional attachments. I didn't buy them, just got the basic package. After menopause my track record was like 10-20% of giving her the O by any means. But the Eroscillator's track record with her is like 98% success. And now her body actually *needs* an O to have sex without pain. I mean it is a clinical need like 80% of the time. So, I'm not too proud ... I'll take all the help I can get.

Plus: We still have kids in the house (older), and she really appreciates how silent it is; whisper quiet. It's corded, not batteries, but the cord is 12' long, plenty adequate for almost any bedroom or hotel room! Long-lived too, reliable. Ours is 7 years old now, used like crazy, and still going strong. So it works out to pennies per use.
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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby MyWifesMan » Tue Jan 24, 2017 11:27 am

Job: "After menopause my track record was like 10-20% ... Eroscillator's track record with her is like 98% success."


Now that IS quite an impressive change! Plus, there is nothing more frustrating when you have used up your usual bag of sexual tricks and spent considerable time trying to "make it happen" for her, yet without the desired result. Which kills the confidence of both. Which subsequently can lead almost to a self-fulfilling sense that when, in a new session, nothing seems to be working, once AGAIN, after a reasonable period, and so the stress of THAT probably further inhibits the possibility of an O. For us, our Os are kind of like our rewards after the joy of the buildup to them. But THAT requires that the buildup is doing what it takes. Seems so complex, sometimes, doesn't it?

So, what makes the Eroscillator so very different than the various other higher-end wands, rabbits, etc? It's "abilities" must not be otherwise replicatable. And does she use it/find it effective during PIV?

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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby Job29Man » Tue Jan 24, 2017 1:17 pm

It doesn't "vibrate" per se but instead "oscillates." It's a different action which doesn't wear out the clitoris. We've never used it during actual intercourse to any good effect. My DW gets too distracted by PIV to be able to use anything else. So we first do warm up including Eroscillator, and then go to PIV. This means that she has already O'd 98% of the time before I enter. That used to be "nice" before menopause, absolutely essential after menopause most of the time.
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Re: RE: Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby vimaster » Tue Jan 24, 2017 2:19 pm

I agree about the wonders of the Eroscilator. I bought one for my wife about 4 years ago. It is very quiet and never fails to bring the desired effect.

Job29Man wrote:It doesn't "vibrate" per se but instead "oscillates."


The Eroscilator looks like an electric toothbrush and moves in a similar manner.

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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby MyWifesMan » Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:50 pm

Hmmm :D IDEA! Perhaps a few homemade modifications to a cheap electric toothbrush and... (um, OK, I'm not THAT cheap! :lol: ).

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Eroscillator saved my marriage bed for $184

Postby Job29Man » Wed Jan 25, 2017 5:56 am

Ha ha! :lol: (not) :P

Seriously though, I figured I could go try toy after toy at $30 a pop, and fill up a drawer with all the broken and cast-off toys, or I could spend spend $184 at Amazon.com including shipping one time and do it right the first time. This thing has basically saved our marriage bed, and given my Sarah a chance at some kind of decent sex life through a difficult and very frustrating change of life. It's not even a tough decision. Hmmm Do I prefer years of approaching a wife for sex, and getting the "I really don't want to do this because of the pain, and I never get anything out of it" look? Or do I prefer spending a pittance (relative to value) and having a pretty good marriage bed, and knowing that I did the right thing for a good wife who gave me ten awesome children, and who deserves a good sex life? :?

No contest. :mrgreen:

When I approach her for sex now, it's understood that the Eroscillator is our go-to starting point. It gets her to the point that she's ready for me, and can actually enjoy the sex rather than bite her lip and bear up under pain. If I had it to do over again and knew what I know now about the Eroscillator, and if I was flat broke and couldn't afford it? I'd go out and get a side job to pay for it, or even sell one of my firearms to pay for it! :shock:
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Re: Challenges of Sex after Menopause

Postby SeekingChange » Wed Jan 25, 2017 7:47 am

So, how were you going to work that out on the back of that horse? :wink: you must have invested in a lot of extension cords. :lol: ::jk
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