Leah, Unfulfilled's last post stepped on my toes a bit, but I think it needs to be said, especially in light of the 2nd paragraph of the original post. I don't know what it is about low testosterone, but one of the symptoms is not caring enough to do anything about it. Having been there and looking back, I still don't fully understand it. We don't like having to get our manhood out of a bottle is part of it. But thinking rationally, it is better getting it from a bottle than not getting it.
I understand the cost factor. Really, I do. Insurance rarely covers bHRT. We have had to do without a lot of things to get it. But if you needed $2000 to save your life, you could come up with it, probably without going homeless, carless, or losing any weight. I doubt it will bankrupt anyone. As medical care goes, bHRT is a bargain. Consider this in your cost-benefit analysis: bHRT isn't just about having more and better orgasms. It is about better -- much better -- overall health. If all it does is delay a heart attack by a few years, what comparatively little the bHRT cost will be more than recouped.
It will take several visits. But in our experience, it is totally worth it.
Our bodies are the temple of God. We are obligated to take care of them.
I want to be clear about this. Old age nees not mean an end to your sex life. I burst out laughing when some young poster asks if people in their 50's still have sex. Yes we do dear, the best ever. My parents are in their mid-80s, and apparently doing well in bed. I was discussing testosterone with my dad, whose natural levels are higher than mine BTW. Mom chimed in "oh, he doesn't need that. He's more than OK in that department".
Poetess, I read or reread this entire thread. To address some questions you raised:
I would treat him before you. Men are simpler and cheaper to treat, and given his symptoms, there is little doubt that he needs testosterone and that it would "fix" him. You, there is a possiblity that things could improve for you on their own. Testosterone to Estrogen ratios improve after menopause. While it is unlikely that you would get no benefit from it, there is no guarantee that it will help you orgasm.
He married a woman who has never been married before. Perhaps a good bit younger than him. He has an obligation to do anything reasonable to be a husband -- a sexual husband -- for you. That said, DON'T wait for him to get the blood tests, make the appts, etc. YOU do it for him. That's what DW had to do for me, and I love her to death for doing that.
In addition to low testosterone, there is a matter of lack of generosity. He should not only be willing to cuddle naked anytime you want, but initiate that. And low testosterone does not prevent his fingers and mouth from working.
Oral sex is great when the man has erectile issues (and other times as well
). The man can give and receive, no problem. We find it to be VERY intimate emotionally. When I was having issues, I still needed to relieve myself, and the only way I could do that most of the time was to give her oral sex while masturbating myself. Her pheromones apparently helped push me over the edge.
poetess wrote:I don’t count his touching my breasts as sexual touch, since that’s for him and it does nothing for me, but really he has hardly done that.
Let me share something about that which may help you. When DW lost her ovaries, she started needing nipple stimulation to O. According to our doctor, nipple stimulation produces the hormone oxytocin. It helps mothers love their babies, and also plays a role in orgasm. From when we were first married, I sucked her nipples a lot. I told her before we got married it was something I wanted to do, and it was even better than I imagined. She was accomodating, but didn't start enjoying it until after childbirth and nursing. I don't know if pregnancy triggered something hormone-wise, or if it is something that was learned from the baby sucking them so much. FWIW.
Finally, because he was married before, I think you both assume he knows more about how to please a women -- namely you
-- than he really does. I don't mean this disrespectfully. I would have assumed the same if I were in his situation. But after reading here on TMB for 10 years now, I am still amazed at how different wives are as to what works for them sexually. Every couple's experience is precious and unique. He should forget everything he thinks he knows, and start exploring you with no assumptions.