Haven't had sex yet!

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
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Haven't had sex yet!

Postby prettylights » Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:31 pm

Hello everyone. I'm so thankful to have this forum to gain advice from!

My husband and I have been married for almost two weeks. We're happy as can be but are having difficulties having sex. I think we broke my hymen, as there was some blood (not too much) on one night of our honeymoon, but it doesn't seem like he has gotten much further in me since then, which I thought would happen. Maybe the entire hymen wasn't broken? It sometimes feels like we can't even find the right hole, or that he's just hitting a wall. When he does find the right hole, it hurts and once again, I wonder if it's because the hymen isn't completely torn or if it's simply just the pain of sex. I'm not sure what to do, and am trying not to get discouraged because we both really want to do this, but things aren't going how we thought they would at all! He is super supportive and encouraging and patient though, and I am super blessed by his love in this way. It also seems that it is getting harder to keep him aroused as well, as if his subconscious is used to defeat and is stopping him from lasting longer so that we can continue trying. He has admitted to this.

Any advice for this newlywed would be so so appreciated :)

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Re: Haven't had sex yet!

Postby robin » Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:47 pm

Please see a doctor ASAP.
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Re: Haven't had sex yet!

Postby Kilarin » Fri Aug 30, 2013 4:50 am

prettylights wrote:It also seems that it is getting harder to keep him aroused as well

Your spouse grimacing in pain can make it very difficult to maintain an erection. That's perfectly normal.

A few questions:

1: Despite your difficulties having intercourse, are you still making love? Are you still finding other ways to please each other sexually such as touch or oral sex? Just because you are not having much success with intercourse does NOT mean you can't be making love.

2: Are you having a lot of foreplay or trying to jump right to intercourse? You need to be very worked up and aroused in order to increase your natural lubrication and get everything relaxed and ready for penetration.

3: Are you using lubricant? For a lot of couples lubricant is a mainstay used almost every time they have intercourse. For first timers, its a really big help.

4: Are you able to insert your own finger, or his, into your vagina? This can help with both locating the correct entrance :), and getting you ready for penetration by the penis. This should ALSO happen with a lot of foreplay to make certain you are aroused and probably with lube as well. When you can fit one finger without pain, work up to two, and when you can get two in, you are ready to try the penis instead.

5: Along with Robin's advice, have you had a gynecological exam? Did the Dr. have any particular difficulty or warn you about potential problems?

God bless, and I'll be praying for both you and your husband.

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Re: Haven't had sex yet!

Postby ophelia » Sat Aug 31, 2013 10:19 pm

It's possible that you have a remnant of hymen left but that's not what your problems sound like. It wouldn't feel like your husband is hitting a wall if it was just a hymen. I'm assuming that he made it all the way in at some point?

I'm seconding Robin's advice. I want to be an encouragement to you and not scare you but if you are having this much trouble, a trip to the OB/GYN is needed. It could be something simple but it could also be something that needs some work, in which case the sooner you know the better. Don't let this go on long enough to drive a wedge between you and your husband.
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Re: Haven't had sex yet!

Postby padsnd » Sun Sep 01, 2013 4:56 am

I wonder about the lubricant as well. If things are tight enough, it can feel like hitting a wall. It can even be incredibly painful for the male, not just the female--a concept many believe to never be a problem. From a lubricant standpoint, it sometimes can take what some might describe as both being "absolutely soaked in lubricant" to resolve this issue.

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Re: Haven't had sex yet!

Postby littleblackcloud » Sun Sep 01, 2013 1:46 pm

I second Robin's recommendation to see a doctor ASAP. That way you will have a clear and factual idea of what the problem might be and what you can do about it.

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Re: Haven't had sex yet!

Postby ledgemoor » Thu Sep 05, 2013 4:02 am

Another suggestion, both of you spend some time exploring you in detail. Have good lighting, plus a good flashlight, and a mirror so you can see. Don't either of you be afraid to move the labia, insert a finger, etc. Have some lube available -- it will make even touching you more comfortable.

And yes, by all means, please see a doctor.

Here is a thread from a couple who was in a similar situation:

She might be willing to help or offer moral support.

ETA: Did you go to a Gyn for a premaritial exam? If so, the doctor would have mentioned any potential problems with the hymen.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: Haven't had sex yet!

Postby IslandGirl2984 » Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:39 pm

I have been in your shoes. First marriage, couldn't have sex for a month I think..maybe longer?. Felt like a wall, hurt really bad. My older, wiser self would say: Use a lot of lube. Don't worry about intercourse yet. Have your husband use his fingers for now. Get comfortable with the way that feels and insert more. When that becomes comfortable then you could try PIV. We never tried this and I think it would have helped. It also wouldn't hurt to see a dr but if you're like me, it probably wouldn't be necessary. We just tried to rush things more than we should have.
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