UPDATE: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
Gillian
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UPDATE: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:04 pm

I'm sorry but I didn't know where to post this post. If there is a more appropriate location please let me know or a mod feel free to move. Sorry.

I posted this on another site and received some very rude and vulgar comments. I’m glad I found this site as it appears to be aligned with my values.

Earlier this year I married my fiancée, let’s call him Bill. We dated for a year, were engaged six months prior to getting married. I was a virgin when we married he was not. The fact that he wasn’t a virgin isn’t my main issue, however it does contribute to our issue.

The main issue is intercourse with Bill is quite painful for me. I know of no other way to put it other than Bill has a large penis and I am a petite girl (4’11”). The majority of my late teens and adulthood I dreamed of saving myself for my husband and how wonderful our sex life would be. It has been anything but.

Our wedding night was horrible. I knew it would be painful, however I had no idea it would be that painful. Come to find out it wasn’t just that I was a virgin, it was Bill’s size. We chalked it up to my being a virgin and wedding night jitters. Since however it hasn’t gotten any better. We use lube, he does a lot of foreplay to me, the tries to take it slow with me but nothing seems to work.

He has now become frustrated with me and angry. He tells me “other women were able to do it.” This is very hurtful to me and pushes me away even more. A couple of weeks ago he became frustrated and I felt as if he was pinning me down and forcing entry. I started crying telling him he was hurting me but he wouldn’t stop.

I discussed this with my mother who was no help other than making me feel badly about myself.
I love my husband very much, I’m deeply in-love with this man and want to spend the rest of my life with him in a complete marriage. But I fear I cannot please him as others have he will not have a fulfilling sex life with me and will look elsewhere for sexual fulfillment.

Can anyone offer any suggestions; I feel I have half a marriage I read where others have a fulfilling sex life with their husbands and I cry that I too cannot have this.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby seeker12 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:17 pm

Welcome to TMB! I am sorry for the reason that brought you here. I do have one concern though before I will address the issue of pain...

He has now become frustrated with me and angry. He tells me “other women were able to do it.” This is very hurtful to me and pushes me away even more. A couple of weeks ago he became frustrated and I felt as if he was pinning me down and forcing entry. I started crying telling him he was hurting me but he wouldn’t stop.


This concerns me. If you say stop and he does not, this is marital rape. Can you please elaborate what happen here? Sorry for being intrusive but this really concerns me.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:27 pm

I don't know how to do the quote the last person did on this post so I'll just answer.

Typically when he is attempting to enter me I end-up scooting away due to the pain. This time I felt he positioned his arm tightly over my shoulder so I could not scoot upwards and away. I understand what you are saying and appreciate the concern, it wasn't marital rape. I think he is just becoming increasingly frustrated, I know I am.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby SeemsLikeYesterday » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:32 pm

I have a question sort of simple and to the point.

Has it gotten any better in the last few months or easier or less painful?

If some percent better seems like you are on a good path.

If not it seems folks here will have better input on what to do like a medical visit.

But as a husband I would slowly start dilation starting small and working up.

If a bad idea someone jump in on this idea and correct.

s

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby John143 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:37 pm

How often do you and your DH ML?
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:43 pm

SeemsLikeYesterday wrote:Has it gotten any better in the last few months or easier or less painful?

No it hasn't gotten any better. I've been reading other similar posts. It's very refreshing knowing I'm not the only person with this issue. I called my OBGYN and was told everything was fine with me. I'm thinking maybe I should go see another Dr.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:44 pm

John143 wrote:How often do you and your DH ML?

I'm sorry I don't understand the question, DH ML?

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby SeemsLikeYesterday » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:50 pm

Gillian wrote: It's very refreshing knowing I'm not the only person with this issue.

No not alone I am sure. And for the record I have caused more than my share of pain and it can be frustrating. I suspect some good advice will come along here from others. Bye the way ML is make love and DH is dear husband. s

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby mamame » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:55 pm

Yes see another dr.

And tell your DH that better be the last time he compares you to another woman sexually. That's WAY over the line. I'll give him some grace in being frustrated but there's no reason for it to ever happen again.

Ditto for forceful entry. Not ok.

Now some questions for you.

Is sex ok once penetration has occurred?
Are you able to wear a tampon?

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby John143 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 5:03 pm

How often do y'all have sex (full penetration)?
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Wed Sep 11, 2013 5:39 pm

mamame wrote:And tell your DH that better be the last time he compares you to another woman sexually.

The comparisons are very hurtful; I understand he wasn't a virgin when we married and I was OK with that, but I don't want to have to hear about it or how other women succeed where I am a failure.

No, the sex isn't OK once penetration is achieved. Also, I don't know if I'd call it penetration as if I had to guess he's only been able to insert a couple inches of his penis.

I have not used tampons.

Someone asked about how often (thank you to the person who explained that), since the last very painful forced episode we have not attempted sex.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby John143 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 5:57 pm

I would get checked out by a doctor and get guidance from him/her.
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby librarian DFC » Wed Sep 11, 2013 6:55 pm

Gillian wrote:No, the sex isn't OK once penetration is achieved. Also, I don't know if I'd call it penetration as if I had to guess he's only been able to insert a couple inches of his penis.


This is not a clue to your dr. that something is not right? Just two inches?
How about your ob/gyn visits? I'm totally in the dark, but has your dr. tried to figure out why a two inch insertion would be so agonizing?
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby SeemsLikeYesterday » Wed Sep 11, 2013 7:29 pm

librarian wrote:
Gillian wrote:No, the sex isn't OK once penetration is achieved. Also, I don't know if I'd call it penetration as if I had to guess he's only been able to insert a couple inches of his penis.


This is not a clue to your dr. that something is not right? Just two inches?
How about your ob/gyn visits? I'm totally in the dark, but has your dr. tried to figure out why a two inch insertion would be so agonizing?


I know the two inch situation does exist but I do not know the solution or cause so hoping Gillian finds out and soars high and shares here with us. s

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby HisWarrior » Thu Sep 12, 2013 3:06 am

Sex was painful for me, at first and I could not wear tampons. We engaged in sinfulness before marriage and one time hubby inserted his finger and I cried out in pain. For our wedding night, I just gritted my teeth and told him to keep penetrating. For me, it was like jumping into a cold pool....just go through the shock, get it done, and get my body used to it faster. I did not know about dialation for small, tight vaginas, or even hymenectomies...a simple surgery to break or remove a tough hymen. I suggest you get a second opinion from another gynecologist.

Also, please stand up to your hubby now. He needs to care for you sexually. I know he is frustrated, nut the comparison and the forcing are dangerous grounds of setting you both up for disappointing, selfish sex life. His attitude is a bigger issue than your physical inability to have penetration. Both issues need to be remedied. Please speak up and calmly, but firmly tell him that comparisons and forcing are absolute no's.

You are not a failure and sex should not be fraught with fear. He needs to man up and proactively care for his bride. Right now, I give him grace that he is just clueless and frustrated. He should probably go to the gynecologist with you.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Thu Sep 12, 2013 8:25 am

After reading several posts on this topic and others last night I asked my husband if we can try sex again. He agreed and promised to stop when I asked him to. I asked if he would measure how much of his penis is inserted too and told him I wanted this information for a new OBGYN. After foreplay and lube he was able to insert 3.25 inches. I was surprised by this I thought it was less.

I have an embarrassing question for men. Is 3.25 inches not pleasurable? Does the entire penis need to go in to be pleasurable? I also know that my constant pushing his pelvis away is distracting for him and not pleasurable for him. I asked him about this and he said no 3.25 inches wasn’t pleasurable. This hurt me because I was trying really hard, for the most part I handled the pain and even did a couple of things I read on this site to bring him more pleasure. At least he didn’t bring up other women.

Someone wrote that I need to standup to my husband. This is very difficult for me, I was not raised that way.

I want to make amazing love to my husband. I read many of the articles on this website and the connection women are able to make love and how they are able to please each other in marriage and I cry that I cannot. I saved myself for this?

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby John143 » Thu Sep 12, 2013 8:40 am

It depends on the length of his penis. You said it's large, so I'm assuming 3.25 inches is not even half way. When a man is thrusting, long deep strokes are more satisfying, for me at least. When a man is about to O he has an urge to go deeper that can be very hard to resist at times. I guess that is built in to us to make sure our semen reaches their destination.
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Thu Sep 12, 2013 8:58 am

Thank you John, that was an embarrassing question to ask. The amount he is able to insert is about 1/3 of his penis. I have noticed that when I have stimulated him with my hands he does enjoy the entire thing to be stimulated not just the top.

I just read another post about a married woman who had to have surgery to remove her hymen. Could I still have my hymen in-tact, is there a way for me to check without going to the Dr?

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby John143 » Thu Sep 12, 2013 10:24 am

I also have a large penis, but my DW is not petite like you, so my size doesn't affect our sex life as much.

If we haven't made love in a while I take it slow to make sure my wife enjoys it and doesn't feel any unnecessary discomfort. I have to be careful is certain positions that enable deep penetration, like doggy style, not to go too deep. If I do, she pulls away just like you do.

I never force myself in her or keep going when my wife tells me to stop because I'm hurting her. Sometimes I get frustrated just like your husband when things are getting rough and wild and I can't do the things I want to do because of my size, but I would never, ever disregard my wife and hurt her because of my wants.
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Blovesme » Thu Sep 12, 2013 10:50 am

DH = Dear Husband
ML = Make Love

I was a virgin when I married and my first husband was not. It took me 6 months before I could enjoy sex without pain. The position that seemed to work the best was him sitting up in bed with his back against the headboard and me on top. If he laid flat, it was painful.

I agree with the others. New Doctor is in order.

When he is stimulating you are you able to get aroused? Are you able to achieve orgasm? Your arousal level could be contributing to the problem.


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