UPDATE: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby mamame » Thu Sep 12, 2013 10:53 am

Also read about vaginismus. Does it sound like that might apply?

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:01 am

I have a terribly personal question John143 so please forgive me. Does your entire penis go in your wife or just part? If just part is this still pleasurable for you or is this the frustration you refer to?

Others, is there a limit to how much of a penis can enter a woman's vagina? I assume all woman are different, maybe I'm at my limit?

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby mamame » Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:06 am

I doubt you are at your limit. The vagina changes shape and size with arousal.

How did your last pelvic exam go at the doctor? Did they use a speculum?

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby John143 » Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:14 am

Gillian wrote:I have a terribly personal question so please forgive me.


Don't hesitate to ask any question here. We're here to help and won't judge you at all. I found this website because I had questions just like you. I found answers and now I'm passing their generosity forward by help people like you.

Gillian wrote:Does your entire penis go in your wife or just part?


The whole thing.

Gillian wrote:If just part is this still pleasurable for you or is this the frustration you refer to?


My frustration is not being able to thrust really hard and deep in certain positions. My wife likes it hard at times but not when were are in the doggy position. The doggy position make very deep penetration really easy and causes me to hit the end of her vagina.

Gillian wrote:Others, is there a limit to how much of a penis can enter a woman's vagina? I assume all woman are different, maybe I'm at my limit?


Each woman is different, but it's definitely deeper than 3.5 inches when aroused. When you're fully aroused I think he shouldn't have a problem fully entering you, but since you are so petite, that might not be true.
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:16 am

Blovesme wrote:When he is stimulating you are you able to get aroused? Are you able to achieve orgasm? Your arousal level could be contributing to the problem.

I think I am, it feels quite good.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Ilovemaritalsex » Thu Sep 12, 2013 5:55 pm

Gillian, welcome to TMB. No the entire penis doesn't need to go in to be pleasurable, especially if guys can do mini thrusts and accommodate for their wives when penetrating with their entire lengths would be painful/uncomfortable for her. I think someone else mentioned this, but when a man is releasing his sperm, he has the urge to go deeper, because it feels better and it's nature's way of getting the sperm closer to where they need to be to make conception more of a possibility. But yes, he can still get his pleasure generally even if he's not fully penetrating.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby beautyfromashes » Thu Sep 12, 2013 6:35 pm

I also think you should find another doctor. Sex shouldn't be painful, definitely not after the first couple times.

I also wanted to add that I'm pretty sure that the physical stature = vaginal size/tightness idea is a myth. Without going completely into TMI, I'm 5'2" and losing my virginity was only slightly uncomfortable. My husband isn't tiny either. Vagina size and penis size are pretty much irrelevant to height.
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Fri Sep 13, 2013 10:01 am

After much reading on this site and a couple of private message conversations I’m starting to wonder if part of my problem isn’t as much physical as it is mental. Growing-up in my home sex was a taboo subject, I think my parents only had sex to procreate. I was taught it was dirty, sleezy of the devil. I do not have any of these feelings with my husband but I wonder if subconsciously they’re sabotaging me.

Clearly its not. There are godly people on this site who enjoy sex, have fun with it, experiment and enjoy each others bodies.

Even though I’m older and married now I wonder if having these thoughts drilled into my head over the years affects me now.

What do others think?

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby seeker12 » Fri Sep 13, 2013 10:22 am

Yes, it is very possible your background is affecting your present situation. I would recommend seeing a Christian counselor to help you sort through these issues.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby dr_parsley » Fri Sep 13, 2013 10:58 am

My penis is not always able to go in entirely - sometimes only 3 or 4 inches can go in. For years it was like a notable occasion when it did go in entirely, but these days it's getting more frequent. What I find useful is if my wife grabs the base of the shaft and squeezes (alternating with fondling the "boys") then it gives some of the same feeling of being entirely inside. Then I can be more free to thrust, knowing that her hand is there to protect it going too deep and hurting her. The only way it really affects us is that we can't do the "from behind" style very much, because it goes much deeper and hurts her, although I greatly enjoy it from behind, so it's a bit of a pity for me.

If it hurts you, you can develop vaginismus which makes it much worse, so do research that. I think a lot of it can be a matter of loosening up mentally as much as physically, and if a big torpedo is regularly causing you pain it makes the mental side worse and it's a problematic spiral.
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby SeemsLikeYesterday » Fri Sep 13, 2013 11:25 am

dr_parsley wrote:

If it hurts you, you can develop vaginismus which makes it much worse, so do research that. I think a lot of it can be a matter of loosening up mentally as much as physically, and if a big torpedo is regularly causing you pain it makes the mental side worse and it's a problematic spiral.


Nice input. And do not forget the research to boot. Besides the big torpedo I feel for some the not being loose mentally and physically plays a part and the thing about it is at times we do not even realize we are locked to some level in a non relaxed situation and it plays on because it has been constant. The problematic spiral was a topic of mine on another OP I have posted to and thought when I did about this one. s

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Fri Sep 13, 2013 3:23 pm

I feel so blessed to have found this site. The input that I've received here, all the posts to read and the private messages of support and advice are overwhelming.

My husband is coming back in town tonight from being on a business trip; I'm making him a nice dinner and after dinner I'm going to try some of the things I've read about and been things that have been suggested to me. Should catch him off guard and I hope to take his mind off full vaginal penetration and leave him breathless from other things.

I'm going to do somethings that in a million years never thought I'd do and a couple I never thought of (if my mother knew she'd die on the spot LOL). I hit Victoria's Secret while I was out running errands and picked-up a very cute teddy that If I can say so looks pretty sexy.

I hope to take his breath away, wish me luck!

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby John143 » Fri Sep 13, 2013 3:53 pm

I hope everything works out as planned. Saying a prayer for you guys.
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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Prayerful » Fri Sep 13, 2013 4:08 pm

That's the attitude, Gillian!

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Clean Sheets » Fri Sep 13, 2013 7:00 pm

I agree. You have demonstrated an amazing attitude, a willingness to learn and adjust, and courage to not stay discouraged but to press through.

A couple of suggestions:

1. During sex, try a position where you can control the depth you're comfortable with (Woman on top may be a good one for starters)... And added bonus would be if you could reach down with your hand (covered in lube) and hold the part of his shaft that is exposed and twist and turn your hand as you go up and down. This will take some practice and if body weight or sizes complicate, may not be possible at all. But if it IS possible, it will help him feel as though his whole penis is entering you while you have control over depth... A winning combo as you start your sexual lives together.
2. Oral or manual stimulation: I'm not sure if you are personally comfortable with either of these considering your background, but given your current circumstance these may prove to really help your husband feel satisfied (and you satisfied that you satisfied him). Obviously, if he has an above average member like it sounds, the goal is certainly NOT to get the whole penis in your mouth. Even with a relaxed gag reflex, this may not be possible. But you can stimulate a few inches of his member by being in your mouth while using your two hands - one at the base, the other closer to your mouth - to twist or stroke the shaft at the same time. This way his entire penis will be stimulated by you. You would want to make sure if you a are making a twisting motion that you have him lubricated - perhaps by your own saliva, or a flavored lube. Many here swear by coconut oil as a lube, believe it or not...

If you choose to do manual stimulation instead, there are several techniques that may be helpful. Lube your hands real good, and hold his member at the top and start sliding it down, while immediately following it do the same with your left hand. Repeat. Repeat. Change it up with stroking and turning of your hand in a clockwise or counter clockwise motion. Whatever feels good to him. With practice, you will be able to know how to stimulate his whole member in a way he enjoys.

One final note: I remember when my wife and I were on our honeymoon (both virgins), my wife experienced pain when I went too deep. I was hitting her cervix. At first, this was extremely painful. However, we found in time as she got used to the feeling, she actually grew to enjoy it. Weird, huh? In fact, I've found in our case she prefers the deeper thrusting these days (I am above average in size and she is also petite). All of these things take time. But what a blessing God has given us married people to discover our spouses together. :-)

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Exuberance » Sat Sep 14, 2013 10:36 am

A position my husband and I use to help me control the depth (and therefore the pain of him going too deep) is one leg lifted and folded in between the couple, male on top. The wife can then use her bent leg to keep the husband at pain-free distance during thrusting. The wife can also reach down and grab the base of her husband's penis to give it more stimulation if only the head can penetrate. Hopefully that makes sense.

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Sat Sep 14, 2013 1:08 pm

:) :) :) :) :)

I'll write an update later when I have more time, great progress last night AND this morning (blush)!

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Prayerful » Sat Sep 14, 2013 3:10 pm

Awesome! That's so exciting!

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Re: Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby Gillian » Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:14 am

Exuberance wrote:The wife can also reach down and grab the base of her husband's penis to give it more stimulation if only the head can penetrate. Hopefully that makes sense.

Made perfect sense, in-fact many people also suggested this and let’s just say I think I did it well and it really surprised him.

Oh my god, night was amazing! Best intimacy since we’ve been married. I feel so close to my husband now, I don’t want to say I love him more but I feel closer to him if that makes sense. I was completely out of my comfort zone in a good way though. I’ll try and keep this update as clean as possible.

Someone asked if I was comfortable with oral sex (I can’t believe I’m writing that lol); I had no issues doing oral sex to him but I didn’t want him doing it to me. He’s tried in the past and I said no. I was uncomfortable with it and I guess you could say embarrassed. At the suggestion of people on this site I let him know I was interested in trying it, WOW (blush) is all I can say. I’ve never felt anything like that with him before, wow. I’m going to try and write this next part and hopefully not offend anyone, after I was done he didn’t say anything to me he just penetrated me. There was no time for me to think about it or anything because I was I guess you would say I was still recovering? Anyway not as much pain, there was actually pleasure, very different than anytime before and after a few minutes he told me he was able to put about another TWO inches in!! There was still pain and un-comfortableness later on but not as much. I really hope I didn’t offend anyone writing that.

So I have a question, does the vagina open up more after orgasm? And what was that feeling I had when he entered me after my orgasm? We didn’t even have to use lubrication either, that’s never happened. It was strange, we didn’t even think about it. Actually now that I reflect, we didn’t really think about anything like we usually do, or maybe I do. It just happened.

I feel so good about that night, I truly feel like I pleased my husband and left him breathless. Then I woke him up early the next morning by jumping in bed with him (I’d gotten-up early for a run and shower) telling him I wanted to do it again!! It wasn’t as fun, hurt a bit more than the night before but I think some of it is that I’m sore down there but I know he enjoyed himself.

One last thing that I haven’t told anyone on this site and I’m going to start crying while I write this; Friday night was the first time since my husband and I have been married that he orgasmed inside of me (hope that’s not TMI). This is one of the reasons I have felt like a failure at sex and like I couldn’t please my husband. This wouldn’t have happened without the awesome input and information on this site, thank you all so much, you have no idea how much that meant to me and how much it’s helped my self-esteem and confidence. I felt like a complete failure before Friday night. That probably sounds dumb but that was important to me.

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Sex is painful, haven't been able to fully have sex

Postby John143 » Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:48 am

I am SO happy for you guys. You'll notice that the more y'all ML the easier and more enjoyable it will become for the both of you.
Last edited by John143 on Sun Sep 15, 2013 10:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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