DH perpetually chafed for 2.5 years

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
WifeyRJG
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DH perpetually chafed for 2.5 years

Postby WifeyRJG » Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:22 am

I'm hoping some of you can help me out bc. every time my husband googles this the answers assume multiple partners :( and he comes up with nothing helpful...
His penis is perpetually chaffed. Even if we don't have sex for over a week, it doesn't heal. The skin feels dry, and he says it feels tight, like his skin is too small. It doesn't bother him much unless he has an erection. We thought it was just typical chaffing and would go away if we used plenty of lube and/or gave it a rest sometimes and sometimes it seams like maybe it does, but then comes right back. He's tried doctoring it with cortisone, eucerin, coconut oil, almond oil, and even anti-fungal cream... We're beginning to think there has got to be more to this than just not using enough lube.
I asked him if I could post about it here and he was fine with it.

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby librarian DFC » Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:29 am

And his urologist says ......?

btw, I was able to catch one of DW's yeast infections, one time, so remedies for that might be....?
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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby txtwindad » Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:41 am

Just a guess, but ask his doctor about psoriasis. It typically gets scaly, but in an area like this that is rubbed regularly it can manifest like you describe.
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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby SquarePants » Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:44 am

Some of the lubes can be irritating for some people. I can get itchy and irritated if I come in contact with lotions that contain lanolin, and many personal (sex) lubricants (KY, Astroglide, etc...) contain glycerin, which many are sensitive to.

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby WifeyRJG » Mon Jul 14, 2014 7:23 pm

Thanks for all the responses!
No urologist though! haha! His primary care physician didn't think much of it last year, just said to put lotion on it... he may have recommended the cortisol too. The naturopath he's been to also didn't really seem to care, so we're not inclined to pay an expensive specialist to also not take us seriously :(
I don't think it's a yeast infection. We (both) got one of those shortly after we got married when he took an antibiotic. I haven't had one before or since.
I'll look into psoriasis.
We use coconut oil 2 out of every 4 weeks, and condoms and synthetic lubes the other two, so I think we would have noticed a pattern emerging if it were a sensitivity to either the coconut oil or the synthetic stuff, but I will pay closer attention just in case.
Thanks again guys!

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby Leah » Mon Jul 14, 2014 7:29 pm

Could it be a problem with latex?
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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby seeking perspective » Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:06 pm

WifeyRJG wrote:We use coconut oil 2 out of every 4 weeks, and condoms and synthetic lubes the other two, so I think we would have noticed a pattern emerging if it were a sensitivity to either the coconut oil or the synthetic stuff, but I will pay closer attention just in case.


Do you use refined or unrefined CO? My husband had a reaction to the unrefined CO that included very tight and dry skin.
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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby Bear » Tue Jul 15, 2014 5:56 am

2nd the latex question with condom use. Maybe see if you can get a skin reaction on his wrist with a glove...

WifeyRJG wrote:The skin feels dry, and he says it feels tight, like his skin is too small. It doesn't bother him much unless he has an erection


^ Is he circumcised? Perhaps it wasn't executed really well and is problematic when erect...
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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby VikingJ » Tue Jul 15, 2014 6:12 am

What is he using to was himself? Might be a reaction to soap as well.

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby ren » Thu Jul 17, 2014 5:29 pm

When I was having issues with my period and healing afterward, I used diaper cream to help the skin down there. It seems really odd as an adult and I was really self-conscious buying it but it worked better than anything else because it is formulated for the delicate skin in those areas. You wouldn't want to put it on before sex because you don't want to get it inside yourself, but if he put it on the day before or even the morning before that might help.

In terms of finding out the cause:

Did your husband have this problem before marriage? If I'm understanding your post correctly, it hurts him every time he gets an erection (not just when you're actually having sex). Even if he was a virgin when you got married, he should know if it was a problem before then. If it wasn't a problem pre-marriage, I suggest eliminating personal care and cleaning products you've started to use since marriage. Anything either of you uses to wash down there would be where I would start, followed by laundry detergent. My husband got a horrible rash down there from the laundry detergent I brought into our marriage. If none of those is the culprit, look at other things that could get on him down there -- has he switched shampoo or conditioner?

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby angellove » Thu Jul 17, 2014 6:21 pm

It can take a while for skin to heal, at least mine takes a while before it is completely healed. Are the synthetic lubes silicone based? Silicone is actually not very good for skin and has a tendency to dry it out. My list of possible issues: latex allergy/reaction (I actually have this myself -- mine seems a lot like a yeast infection, but it isn't), detergent or 'soap' reactions -- a lot of the stuff that we call soap is actually detergent that strips the skin of its natural oils, reaction to coconut oil.

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby ledgemoor » Thu Jul 17, 2014 7:16 pm

WifeyRJG wrote:... he says it feels tight, like his skin is too small.

Could the skin be too tight due to phimosis (tight foreskin) or as a result of circumcision?
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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby WifeyRJG » Sun Nov 16, 2014 9:57 pm

Hello again. Thanks for all the suggestions. We're still frustrated with this same problem, so I thought I'd return and answer some of the questions...
We use condoms and synthetic lube for 2 weeks (when I'm potentially fertile) then coconut oil for the next two, so I feel like it should be pretty obvious if any of those were the problem... we would see a monthly cycle of worsening and improving.
I started working at a small health-food store a little over a year into our marriage and by now we have switched all of our soaps, shampoos, lotions, laundry detergent, etc. at least once. I realize that people can have reactions to natural ingredients as well as synthetic but I'm not seeing any improvement or worsening correlated with any of those products.
It was not a problem before we got married, but this week we went for an unusually long time without sex and it got better... then worse! So it's not necessarily aggravated just by sex... I'm just that much more stumped.
He's circumcised, but the "tightness" is not where the glans meets the shaft or where the foreskin was cut. The ring of tight, dry, scaly skin is further down on the shaft where the shaft-specific skin meets the normal skin. It's right in the middle when he's erect. Does that make sense? It only happens in that one area. Today it was visibly constricted at that point and made me cringe to look at it.
I wish he would methodically try different things long enough to tell for sure what effect, if any, they had.
Maybe I will look for latex-free condoms just in case that's it. arg.

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby mamame » Mon Nov 17, 2014 3:37 am

Could it be psoriasis?

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby ledgemoor » Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:59 am

Hi Wifey:

He's circumcised, but the "tightness" is not where the glans meets the shaft or where the foreskin was cut. The ring of tight, dry, scaly skin is further down on the shaft where the shaft-specific skin meets the normal skin. It's right in the middle when he's erect.


Ok, I think I see what is going on here. I think you misunderstand where the cut was.

On an uncircumcised penis, the skin covering the shaft, as well as the skin on the outside of the foreskin, is regular old skin, no different than what is on his forehead. Where the skin is different is INSIDE the foreskin -- Inside when unerect with the foreskin not retracted but covering the glans. When the foreskin is retracted, then you can see the inner foreskin skin behind the glans and now covering the shaft. It is a slightly different color, and more tender and sensitive. There is a ring where the normal skin and inner foreskin interface.

On a circumcised penis, the scar is not immediately behind the glans, but back the shaft a ways. (I am uncircumcised, so had to research this :lol:). I looked at several photos, and while it was never halfway back, it did vary, and typically 1/3 of the way back. I'll PM you a link to one. So I am guessing the ring you are seeing is where the scar is.

this week we went for an unusually long time without sex and it got better... then worse! So it's not necessarily aggravated just by sex... I'm just that much more stumped.

If this is aggravated by a combination of sex and just plain being erect, this makes sense actually. It got a break after sex, but he started getting horny after a few days and was erect a lot. Are you sure he didn't masturbate? I suppose it's possible to have a night loss or stimulate it with his hand or against the mattress while asleep and not know it.

At any rate, it seems to me, bottom line, that he is too tight. There are options for this. I do know that circumcisions can be reversed and skin grafts can be used to loosen up the skin. Perhaps he can stretch -- human skin is amazing -- I'm thinking of people who put those huge grommets in their earlobes, and girls born with almost no vagina can stretch what they have into a normal vagina. Stretch not only where the problem is, but on either side of it maybe.

Do some research on your own, and by all means see one or more urologists. Take some photographs of the problem when he is erect and take them with you.

Blessings in your efforts to solve this.
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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby WifeyRJG » Tue Nov 18, 2014 8:33 pm

Thank you ledgemoor and mamame!
I doubt Psoriasis because a) it doesn't look like Psoriasis, b) he doesn't have Psoriasis anywhere else on his body c) I personally believe that Psoriasis and other autoimmune diseases are a result of the standard american diet... The way DH and I eat it would be highly unlikely.
I do feel like the circumcision scar theory is making a lot of sense now though! It looks like (due to scaring?) there is one fine line of skin that simply won't stretch like the rest. His erections have gotten bigger since we got married. I thought that was in my imagination until he said today that he had the same thought. It would make sense too because a) the foods I cook are better for cardio-vascular health (i.e. circulation) than his bachelor fare and b) he had some hormone imbalance issues when we got married that I think we are finally starting to resolve. That would explain why the scaring wasn't a problem before we got married (despite masturbation) and has gotten worse since and especially recently. I've done some research on scars and there is a supplement we may try (Nattokinase) that breaks down the material that keeps scar tissue from stretching (fibrin). He's also looking into what he could do to stretch. I'm confident he didn't masturbate or have a "night loss." Our relationship, personalities, and character are such that he would have told me.
He's also interested in seeing a doctor if we can find one to take us seriously. Are you sure it's a urologist that we would see and not a dermatologist? Would we need a referral from his primary care physician? Sorry to ask dumb questions. I don't understand the health care system very well since my family rarely needed it when I was growing up. Thank you so much for looking that up and for the tip about taking pics to the doc. At least now I feel like I know what to research and try!

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby ledgemoor » Wed Nov 19, 2014 8:13 am

Ok, good to hear you are figuring things out!

Are you sure it's a urologist that we would see and not a dermatologist?

Not really. I figured that since they do circumcisions, they would know how to fix the ones gone wrong. But a dermatologist makes more sense actually. A danger with a urologist is that he may want to do a "circumcision revision" and remove even more -- remove the scar ring. That would be fine if it solved the problem, but it sounds risky to me -- what's to keep it from scarring again?.

Look up "circumcision scar" on Wikipedia. It describes your DHs exact problem. There is a link to "foreskin restoration". Ya'll sound like you are into natural stuff, so that would be something to check out. Given that the ring is so far back, I bet they left a lot of his foreskin, which is good. He may still have all of his frenulum. Particularly interesting is "regeneration of foreskin" section of the Foreskin Restoration article. If he could get in touch with these guys....

I never thought about treating the scar itself. There is also an OTC topical scar removal cream you can get at Wal-Mart or anywhere.

My feeling is give DIY stuff a try for a couple months. If he hasn't made significant progress, start by calling dermatologists and urologists offices, describe the problem to the receptionists, and see what sort of responses he gets.

I don't think you legally need a referral. Some specialists require one, but a dermatologist or urologist, I don't think so.

PS
His erections have gotten bigger since we got married. I thought that was in my imagination until he said today that he had the same thought.
You don't know how happy I am to hear about this! I swear I got bigger on our honeymoon. But no one, including DW, believes me (she never saw it before the honeymoon).

Seriously, it makes sense. The level of arousal is higher and you are going at it longer. Masturbating is more about just getting the job done. It seems things would stretch a bit. It wasn't gradual for me though.

I see a new thread coming :lol:
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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby mamame » Wed Nov 19, 2014 8:46 am

I'm with you and I would think dermatologist would be the way to go - but maybe you won't need either!

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby WifeyRJG » Wed Aug 12, 2015 4:09 pm

I meant to let you guys know how this turned out! DH got a referral and saw an urologist, who confirmed that the problem was an over-zealous circumcision and resulting tight skin/scar. He Prescribed a steroid cream, which helped a lot. Needless to say, no son of ours will ever be circumcised! Thank you all for your help!

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Re: DH perpetually chaffed for 2.5 years

Postby George B. » Thu Aug 13, 2015 12:20 am

glad you figured this out. that was my first thought, to be honest, when you described the issue. I have a friend with the exact same problem. I have a "high and tight" circumcision myself, but fortunately, whoever did it, did it right and I've never had any issues with it. Our youngest two sons (out of five) are not circumcised simply because we realized there was no compelling need for it (another long discussion, I know).

ledgemoor wrote:I swear I got bigger on our honeymoon. But no one, including DW, believes me (she never saw it before the honeymoon).

Seriously, it makes sense. The level of arousal is higher and you are going at it longer. Masturbating is more about just getting the job done. It seems things would stretch a bit. It wasn't gradual for me though.

I see a new thread coming :lol:

Indeed. I can testify that this is true for me, too. I agree with your reasons for this, too, wifeyRJG and ledgemoor. Better nutrition, higher levels of arousal in general, etc. have resulted in better quality erections, which translates to being "bigger," at least for me. Sounds like an interesting thread, ledgemoor.
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