Pain after 6 months

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
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Pain after 6 months

Postby Sarah1985 » Sat Jan 17, 2015 1:42 pm


I have been looking at the forums for a while now and its been encouraging. Thank

My husband and I got married six months ago. We were both virgins on our wedding night. So far PIV has always been painful for me. We tried and failed on our wedding night and finally managed PIV about 5 days later, with a lot of pain. Here in the UK gynea appointments just don't happen pre wedding so I hadn't had any kind of check up before the wedding but i have been to the Dr a couple of times since. They have examined me and said there is nothing physically wrong and suggeted its vaginisimus and that we just need to give it time. They have not really offered any other help.

Things have got slightly easier over time and now almost every time we try we can manage PIV (which wasnt the case initially) and DH can o easily but I am always in pain to one extent or another. I am positive about sex, there is no history of issues in my past and I am so keen to get this sorted and to know God's blessing in this area of our marriage.

We use plenty of CO and take time to make sure I am ready. We are intimate even when PIV is an issue and manage OS etc without problems although associating sexual activity with pain has lowered my desire a lot and any contact can often feel an effort now which is a situation I really want to reverse. I'm desperate to be desperate to be intimate with my husband!

I have been thinking of buying a set of dilators. Does anyone have experience of this helping? I want to give anything a go but at the same time it feels daunting and i am scared of it failing. Does anyone have any other practical suggestions for easing the pain? I've read plenty on the boards particularly the vaginisimus thread but as we are managing to have sex even though its difficult I'm looking for a bit more specific advice!

Thank you and bless you all!

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Re: Pain after 6 months

Postby Learning1 » Sun Jan 18, 2015 6:19 am

Hi Sarah1985,

Welcome to TMB :D .

I used pure romance brand dilators. The vagina is a muscle. The muscle needs to be stretched. With your dilator set practice relaxing and then contracting your vagina muscle around the dilator. So then when you are engaged in sex you learn how to relax your muscle vs tightening then up. I found relaxing breathing exercises helped with dilator use & PIV,

Be sure you are fully aroused for sex, even now after having sex for almost a year, we can have difficulty with initial penetration if I am not where I need to be or if we haven't have PIV in a number of days. Think of it as working out at the gym, if you stop for a week, then go back, your muscles will be sore. Be faithful with your dilator use.

Have you had an O ? I like to O first, as it better prepares me for PIV. (some women do not like to O first).

May want to consider a wedge or pillow under your bum, might help adjust the angle of PIV. Might want to consider different angles/positions to find one that works best.

Good for you for being a sex positive wife ! You will get through this and have a great sex life !
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” C.S. Lewis

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Re: Pain after 6 months

Postby greenduck » Mon Jan 19, 2015 1:12 am

I went through a similar situation and what finally worked for me was going to a physical therapist who specialized in pelvic floor dysfunction. My muscles were crazy locked up, but after just a few sessions of trigger point therapy things started to get better. The therapist taught us exercises that my husband could help me with at home, and then I also was able to start making substantial progress with the dilators I was using and things have spiraled upward from there.

Obviously this isn't medical advice coming from me, but as a jumping point to your research I can tell you about the exercises she had us do at home.
1. The main one was: using either a dilator or my husband's fingers, we basically just had to find spots that hurt and push on them for 30-60 seconds. At first it had to be with very light pressure, because by that time by body had grown to expect pain, but once we were able to "dig in" to the muscles we started seeing progress a lot more quickly.
2. The second major one was: again using the dilators or fingers, trace a "U" shape along the back of the opening of the vagina, stretching the area along the perineum.
3. Another thing I had to do a lot was take a rolling pin and run it along my inner thighs. Weird, I know, and it was shockingly painful at first, but it was apparently very useful. She said that those muscles often get really tight when women have pelvic muscle problems, and getting them to relax would help the other muscles to relax.
4. Finally, she also had me do a couple of stretches called "happy baby" and "reclined butterfly."

Hopefully at least something in there is helpful. And I guess the main thing I want to tell you is to keep your hope up. Before we finally started getting things figured out there a couple of false starts when we thought that things were improving, but then we'd encounter a set-back and it would be so disappointing we'd give up for weeks. The times that we made the most progress were the times when we were focused on being hopeful and overlooking the small failures. So press on really can make it.

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Re: Pain after 6 months

Postby Sarah1985 » Mon Jan 19, 2015 1:51 pm

Thanks for responding and the advice. It's so encouraging to hear from others who have been in a similar situation :D

In response to your questions yes I do normally o beforever we try. Have tried using a pillow some of the time but probably need to back to doing this more.

I have ordered a set of dilators from amazon now. Hopefully they might help!

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Re: Pain after 6 months

Postby George B. » Sun Mar 22, 2015 2:35 am

We had the same problem, pretty much. We didn't achieve penetration until six weeks after the wedding. We were also both virgins. Even after penetration and when we were able to have intercourse, it was still painful for her every time, until after she had her first baby (vaginally). I don't know if she had vaginismus or not, but whatever it was, it certainly wasn't mental or emotional. She was always aroused and wanted me in her, but I just couldn't enter easily. It was always very tight. After the first baby, things got much easier. Before we married, her ob/gyn examined her and warned her that she was "very narrow/small" down there. I'm on the other end of the spectrum, so to speak, which definitely made things more difficult. :roll:

All that is to, say, there is hope. If you have vaginismus, working with dilators, plus the other suggestions here (such as lube, a glass of wine, relaxing, having an o first, woman on top position, etc.), will help. If it's more akin to the situation my wife and I had, then just know that situation also got better, too.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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