Pain After 2 Years

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
little_sparrow
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Pain After 2 Years

Postby little_sparrow » Mon Mar 02, 2015 11:29 pm

Hello, all!

My DH and I have been married for over two years now, but I'm still having pain during IC.

For some background, we were both virgins before we we married and both really looked forward to the physical side of marriage. I have no history of sexual abuse, and I was brought up with a good view of sex within marriage. I have never had a problem achieving orgasm.

On our honeymoon my DH and I were not able to achieve IC until maybe about five days in. My DH was really good about it, and he never once made me feel bad about it. When we finally were able to achieve IC, he could only enter a little bit and it still hurt. Fast forward to today, and it's still the same story. The unique thing is that it doesn't affect my drive at all. I have definitely always been the higher drive spouse, and it has never once crossed my mind to not want sex due to pain. However, the fact remains that it still hurts badly every time, and my DH can barely enter me. I feel bad about that, and I would love for him to be able to enter all of the way!

I didn't start using tampons until last summer, and even now I rarely do because they hurt and sometimes make me feel sick. I've only been to the gynecologist once, and it was a few months ago. I talked the situation over with her, and she just suggested a lot of different things that we had already tried multiple times.

As far as BC, I started out taking pills, but I eventually quit for several reasons (I had really bad insurance so the particular pill I was on cost $90 per month, I didn't like messing with the hormones in my body, the pill was messing with my ability to wear contacts, and I couldn't justify paying so much per month when we really didn't have sex that often.) After my prescription ran out, we switched to using condoms, and that is what we still use. (I am really interested in methods regarding tracking fertility, but my husband is against the idea because he views it as unreliable, but that is a whole other story.)

Anyway, I am hoping that those of you who have been or are going through the same thing can offer suggestions or advice. Thank you in advance! :D

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beekeeper
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Re: Pain After 2 Years

Postby beekeeper » Tue Mar 03, 2015 6:40 am

I do not know how to help you to heal, other than to pray for you. I am certain you will get a lot of support here.

May God bless and heal you, amen.

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George B.
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Re: Pain After 2 Years

Postby George B. » Tue Mar 03, 2015 8:12 am

We had pretty much the same situation. We were both virgins when we married, and it took us six weeks to achieve penetration for the first time. After that, even though we used lots of lube and took things slowly, it still hurt every time. After she gave birth the first time (vaginally), things got a lot easier and they're normal now, though we do have to be careful about speed of penetration, making sure she's very aroused and there's a lot of lube. She's also very high drive, and had no fear about sex at all. She saw an ob/gyn before we got married, who warned her that she was "very small." Since I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum, we think that the issue may have been one of physical extremes, so to speak. Do you think that might be the case for you guys? If so, there is hope...
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

ledgemoor
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Re: Pain After 2 Years

Postby ledgemoor » Tue Mar 03, 2015 10:36 am

Same for us -- childbirth is what ultimately fixed it. However, it wasn't as bad for us as it is for you Sparrow. We achieved penetration on the second try. The main problem was that she would easily get sore. Not always, but too often.

I think something else is going on other than just being small. DW is small too, but she used tampons from the get-go without problems. Also, your husband being unable to go all the way in does not correspond with our experience at all. It is tightest at the entrance, just past the inner labia and vestibule, and quickly expands past there. Once in, I never had problems going all the way in.

I would start by getting a different doctor. My guess is that your average gyn has little experience in dealing with painful intercourse other then the occasional hymen or dryness in older women. Ask for a referral to a doctor who can diagnose vaginismus and vulvodynia.

Have you or your husband explored inside your vagina with your fingers? It would be worthwhile to get comfortable with a mirror, and see what you can see and feel. Compare with an anatomical diagram. It could be that he is hitting your cervix. When unaroused, it isn't too far in, you should be able to feel it with no problem. When aroused, it moves up and back out of the way (reference lying down on your back). But even when not aroused his penis should slide under it no problem. We have found the proper angle is important.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

little_sparrow
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Re: Pain After 2 Years

Postby little_sparrow » Tue Mar 31, 2015 12:07 pm

I just wanted to give a quick update on this.

Somehow, after over 2 years of painful IC, as of last week the pain is gone! There hasn't really been a problem anymore!

That said, there were a few things that went on that brought on some changes to our marriage bed.

First of all, my DH and I got rid of some deep, long-lasting emotional barriors between us. We sat down and had a really good conversation to talk through some issues, and a lot of misunderstanding, hurt, and sins were talked through and forgiven.

Next, we not only removed the emotional barriers between us; we also ditched the condoms and removed the physical barrier between us. Without going into more detail, it made a HUGE difference in our marriage bed. Not only was there no pain for me, but IC actually felt really nice for the first time.

Lastly, we found that if I wait to O until after he has, it helped things a little as well. It isn't absolutely necessary for there to be no pain, but it does help slightly.

Thank you again for the responses and prayer. :)

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George B.
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Re: Pain After 2 Years

Postby George B. » Tue Mar 31, 2015 12:10 pm

That's great to hear! Thanks for the update!
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis


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