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Painful Intercourse

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:39 am
by DeeDee
I just joined this site and do not know if I'm on the correct thread. I have been having a problem with vaginismus for a couple years now but did not know the name for it or cause (menopause) until my gynecologist told me. She highly recommended dilators and a particular site. On there you can order a "Complete Vaginismus Treatment Kit" which comes with books on tape and a program to follow for almost $100. or you can just order the dilators for half that amount. There are plenty of testimonials for both. I was going to just buy the dilators but wanted to find out if anyone here has tried using them with or without the "program"? ::tnx

Re: Painful Intercourse

Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2015 9:49 am
by greenduck
I think what makes the difference in whether you need the full kit or not is the reason behind the vaginismus. I personally got just the dilators first and then got the full kit later to see if it would make even more of a difference. The books I got (10 Steps to Curing Vaginismus) seemed to deal more with healing possible emotional/mental causes for vaginismus. My issue was more physical, so on the whole, for me, I don't think it was worth the money. I had definitely started to develop an emotional reaction to the pain and it helped me process that, so it wasn't a total waste. Also as a sidenote, what finally made the difference for me was going to a physical therapist a couple of times. I learned some exercises I could do at home with the hubby and then things started to actually get better. I'm sure everyone's experience is different, but yeah, for what it's worth, that's mine. :)

Re: Painful Intercourse

Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:14 am
by DeeDee
Thank you for your feedback! My vaginismus is a result of menopause, totally unexpected. Also a matter of "If you don't use it, you lose it." We just totally stopped ML because of the pain and b/c it is not much of a priority for my DH, but it is to me! So, for a follow-up question, when you get only the dilators are there precise instructions on how to use them? Im not stupid, I know the general idea, :lol: but I've read messages from people talking about retraining certain muscles etc. and would like to know if they come with instructions that cover that subject? Also I was surprised to read that you were able to order the rest of the kit later. I don't really think I need it either but out of curiosity, just in case, how much were you charged for that? Thank you!!

Re: Painful Intercourse

Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2015 5:33 pm
by greenduck
Nope there weren't instructions with the dilators, which really is a shame. On the one hand they are pretty basic, so I just read around on the internet and figured it out, but on the other hand I was never quite sure I was getting it "right." Part of it for me was that I was a scared little newlywed, though, so I had no real idea of what "right" would feel like anyway. It would probably be a lot easier for someone who had a better starting basis to compare to?

The lack of knowing what was right led me to go back and order the books later, and I just ordered them off of Amazon for around $30. Even the books, though, didn't really have the kinds of instruction I was hoping for. They were largely focused on emotional healing and building up confidence, which is completely valid, but just didn't turn out to be what I needed.

I never did order the DVD, though, so I don't know if it would have had more information or just would have been a visual representation of what was in the books.

Re: Painful Intercourse

Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2015 7:02 pm
by DeeDee
Thank you for your reply. Do you happen to remember where on the Internet you found information about using the dilators? Incidentally, I read on their site that the CD was recorded back in the 80's "but the basic information is still up to date." :roll:

Re: Painful Intercourse

Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 10:07 am
by Nvr2Late
I have some experience here - not with vaginismus but with needing dilators therapeutically after my cancer treatment.

Here are the instructions I followed (from the Mayo Clinic site):

Inserting a vaginal dilator is simple and should not cause any discomfort if you do it slowly and gradually. Start with the smallest size dilator in your set. You can increase the size over time, which will help you have vaginal sex without discomfort.

Apply lubricant to the dilator and the opening of your vagina. Use a water-based lubricant such as Astroglide® or K-Y®. Do not use Vaseline®.

Using gentle pressure, slowly insert the round end of the dilator into your vagina. Always insert it at a flat or slightly upward angle. Never insert it at a downward angle.

Continue to insert the dilator until you feel some slight discomfort or muscle tension and then stop. The dilator should feel snug but not painful when you insert it into your vagina. Never use force or cause pain.

Do a set of Kegel exercises, as instructed in the resource Pelvic Floor (Kegel Exercises) for Women to Improve Sexual Health. These exercises will help you relax your pelvic floor muscles and insert the dilator a little further. If it is still difficult to insert the dilator after doing Kegel exercises, take some deep breaths. Then, refocus on relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. Don’t worry if you can’t insert the dilator completely. With practice, you will be able to do this.

Leave the dilator in place for 5 to 10 minutes.

Before taking out the dilator, gently push it back and forth to stretch the length of your vagina.

Rotate the dilator gently in wide circles to stretch the width of your vagina. Repeat this at the back, middle, and opening of your vagina.
For more info, check here:

I did this 3 times per week for about a year. Once normal intercourse was no longer painful, using lots of lube did the trick. My doctor always told me the best treatment (besides the dilators) was PIV a minimum of 3 times per week.