DH climax leads to DW pain

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
User avatar
Job29Man
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Posts: 8418
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2006 3:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 2nd, 1980
Gender: Male
Location: Hobby Farm, USA

DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby Job29Man » Mon Jun 15, 2015 6:29 am

Didn't know where to put this; here or in the Menopause section.

So DW's last period was about two years ago. Sex has often painful for her. We are working on that with diet, exercise, food supplements. In the past 3 months it has been sometimes less painful for her, but here's a twist that we cannot figure out.

We use Astroglide lube. I always make sure she is well aroused, good natural lubrication internally, and generous with the AstroGlide externally. I make sure she Os before I enter. We have sex and shes' getting to where it's almost enjoyable again, and we do OK, and she's getting into it. Then when I O, instantly it becomes painful for her. By instantly I mean even as my O is still going on. She says that with the first pulse of ejaculation it changes the chemistry of her vagina, changes the lubrication inside her, and any thrusting then causes her pain.

So after my O I want to stay inside her awhile, just remaining still, no thrusting. But even that is painful, even when I"m perfectly still. Obviously this is all a bummer. :(

It's the weirdest thing and has us both stumped. Any help anyone can give will be appreciated.

Background: Sarah is in good health, takes no drugs, and has excellent nutrition.
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

User avatar
Leah
Under the stars
Posts: 16176
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:42 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 3rd, 1979
Gender: Female
Location: The Volunteer State

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby Leah » Mon Jun 15, 2015 6:42 am

It may be something different. I know you all are not huge on traditional medicine, but a GYN visit is in order.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


TMB Copyright and Fair Use

User avatar
seeking perspective
Under the stars
Posts: 5689
Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:01 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): April 27th, 1991
Gender: Female
Location: between the Northwoods and the Great Plains and the Great Lakes
Contact:

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby seeking perspective » Mon Jun 15, 2015 7:02 am

Job, has she talked with a doctor about this? I know you prefer to avoid medical intervention, but a big change like this is usually worth getting checked out, just so you know what it is you're dealing with.

Hormonal shifts may be changing her internal chemistry, and even though the amount of lubrication is still good, perhaps the consistency of it is different and it's time to try another lube and/or more of it. Her changes in diet and food supplements might have have an effect as well, and it is worth being checked for an infection. One way to find out if it's an interaction between her vaginal chemistry and your semen would be to use a condom. I know it isn't the same, but it would be worth a try to find out if it's a chemistry problem.

One other possibility that comes to mind is whether she has a fibroid that your final thrusting is pressing against. I had a fibroid that didn't cause me much trouble except for during my period and during the deeper thrusting that happened at the end of PIV--and then it continued hurting for about half an hour. Every pulse from my husband hurt. His pulling out and removing that pressure hurt. Emptying my bladder hurt.

Job29Man wrote:Obviously this is all a bummer. :(


Yeah, big time. I'm sorry.

Have her see a doctor and find out what's going on.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
The Forgiven Wife
and Sex Chat for Christian Wives

User avatar
facetoface
California King
Posts: 789
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2004 9:23 pm

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby facetoface » Mon Jun 15, 2015 5:54 pm

I"ll add to the chorus of 'go see a doctor' but I'd also suggest trying a condom first to rule out some weird sudden 'allergy' to your semen. I put allergy in quotes as it may not be an actual allergy but some other kind of allergy-like problem. While I know that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, our bodies can be pretty weird sometimes.

User avatar
MyWifesMan
Hammock
Posts: 1155
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 11:02 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 25th, 1989
Gender: Male

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby MyWifesMan » Tue Jun 16, 2015 11:01 am

Wow, Job, this reminds me of our sudden issue with DW's stinging pain (apparently from) the silicone lube we'd long used. DW is about exactly the same amount of time down her menopause road, which has definitely changed her sexually. I'm beginning to see that that menopause affects in so many unexpected ways. With us, I'm betting that while the lube is partially responsible, it the post-menopause / lube combo that is causing this. Coconut oil until we get a new lube (haven't decided on one yet). Yep, this is an issue that needs quick attention!

User avatar
Leah
Under the stars
Posts: 16176
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:42 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 3rd, 1979
Gender: Female
Location: The Volunteer State

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby Leah » Tue Jun 16, 2015 11:22 am

There are several things that might cause this. One would be a simple drop in sex hormones, causing the tissues to thin out. There is another condition called lichen sclerosus that is diagnosable and treatable. A doctor will be able to determine what is going on.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


TMB Copyright and Fair Use

User avatar
robin
Under the stars
Posts: 2917
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 1:22 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): December 31st, 1989
Gender: Female
Location: Peering through my hatehole

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby robin » Tue Jun 16, 2015 11:28 pm

We have the same thing happen but it's only in one position and it's only every couple weeks. Seriously, things go from awesome, to uncomfortable to "why did you switch yourself out with a broken bottle exactly?" in a matter of minutes and it's a serious buzzkill that shuts down my usual "now that you are done I will have some more thanks" which I dislike more than DH does!

What we have figured out is that a. my estrogen levels plummeted due to weight loss + age and b. the closer DH gets to the big finish the deeper the thrust and he is hitting an adhesion that is leftover from having my ovaries removed that has shifted due to the estrogen loss which the doctor confirmed.

What we did about it is we switched lubes. Previously we favored astroglide or happy penis but the change in estrogen caused them to break down far earlier than they used to. Now we are using a brand called Pink Water (designed specifically for women with some interesting natural ingredients) that we originally ordered online but then discovered that both Walgreens and Rite Aid carried it locally. Also, DH is helping with some good old fashioned gentle stretching to get things pushed out of the way. Our problem is we should be doing the stretching consistently and we will forget about it when we haven't had any issues for awhile and then out of the blue it will happen again.

I have no idea if that is what could be going on with Sarah but I thought I would throw it out there.
Biting is excellent! It's like kissing only there's a winner! - Idris

User avatar
kupplekansas
Queen bed
Posts: 141
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:36 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): January 1st, 2005
Gender: Couple
Location: Lawrence

a simple test

Postby kupplekansas » Wed Jun 17, 2015 3:21 am

suggestion - your wife could masturbate only with a dildo and vibe (no help from you) and see what happens, i.e. if pain develops. It if does, then that could rule out you as a factor.
Her

User avatar
Nvr2Late
On the floor
Posts: 1522
Joined: Mon Nov 09, 2009 8:23 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 9th, 2013
Gender: Female
Location: Midwest

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby Nvr2Late » Wed Jun 17, 2015 8:04 am

By instantly I mean even as my O is still going on. She says that with the first pulse of ejaculation it changes the chemistry of her vagina, changes the lubrication inside her, and any thrusting then causes her pain.


With my vaginal issues, I seem to experience "micro-tears" during PIV. When DH ejaculates, I experience a burning/stinging sensation. Is that the pain Sarah is having?
___________________________________________________________________________
How we handle our spouse's shortcomings reveals more about our own character than theirs. * I’ve already told you more than I know.

User avatar
Leah
Under the stars
Posts: 16176
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:42 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 3rd, 1979
Gender: Female
Location: The Volunteer State

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby Leah » Wed Jun 17, 2015 9:22 am

This is exactly what happens as estrogen levels begin to drop. The skin of the vulva and vagina become more friable. As those levels continue to drop, the problem is more pronounced. A doctor will be able to do bloodwork or biopsy the tissue and give a firm diagnosis. If a healthy sex life is the goal, then it's not really a good idea to guess and self-treat. There might be good treatments out there that do not involve synthetic estrogens, but it's kind of pointless without a diagnosis.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


TMB Copyright and Fair Use

User avatar
Job29Man
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Posts: 8418
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2006 3:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 2nd, 1980
Gender: Male
Location: Hobby Farm, USA

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby Job29Man » Fri Jun 19, 2015 5:54 am

Thanks everyone! Sarah and I will go over these responses and discuss it further. The estrogen drop > vaginal wall friability > micro-abrasions thing sounds very feasible.
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

ledgemoor
Under the stars
Posts: 3138
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 7:31 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 3rd, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: DH climax leads to DW pain

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Jun 21, 2015 3:29 am

Go to a bioidentical HRT specialist. They will treat her in the most natural way possible, using only "natural" hormones. They are actually considered synthetic because they are made in a lab, since there is no natural plant or animal source, but they will be 100% like what her body makes.

http://www.a4m.com
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)


Return to “Pain during or preventing sex”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users