Wife has burning feeling after sex

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
Pieter
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Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby Pieter » Tue Nov 10, 2015 12:14 pm

So as I said during my introduction, we have a challenge or two in the bedroom. My wife is sex positive, and supports me in trying to find a solution to our challenge. I have searched the forum, but has not found something that fully describes what we are experiencing. So I will try and explain as thoroughly as I can.

My wife hurts in the beginning and after sex. I am not sure if the two are related to each other. The hurt in the beginning I think is the common issue (being described a lot on the forum) of my wife maybe not being aroused enough, so if this happens we use lots of lube and I go real slow. This has however lead to a bit of clenching from my DW side, which is understandable. The body anticipates pain, and reacts by trying to block what is hurting it. This is something which we are addressing by trying to have more regular sex. I am on a antidepressant, which slowed my drive quite a bit. I am happy with once a week, and it would seem my DW as well. :-) But I do think that having more regular sex will help us to practice to be more relaxed and to beat the clenching for good. So this first bit is not the real issue, but maybe it might hold a clue to the next bit.

The challenge that we are more baffled about is the one where my wife hurts after sex. She describes it as a burning sensation that can last a few hours. And I must add that we use lots of lube. I have also recently bought the alternative lubes that I read about on the forum. Coconut oil and grapeseed oil. We have tried both and like them. If DW takes a bath afterwards, it does relieve the pain a bit. She also has an intense feeling of wanting to urinate. I have read that some women can be allergic to semen, but it is not very common. So I sincerely hope that this is not our case. :shock: The next day she is usually okey. Andit does not stop us from having sex the next day. When we were getting pregnant, we were having sex at least every other day, and many times every day. So it is not unbearable to her, but it is unpleasant afterwards. I think the next move to test this will be to have sex with a condom and lots of unflavoured lube. (I have stopped buying flavoured lube in order to minimise the possibility of the perfume in it irritating my DW inside). This might shed some light on whether her body has some sort of reaction to my sperm. However, I would prefer not to use condoms, as it does numb the feeling somewhat.

Has anybody experienced the same issues, and what did you do to solve it? We really want to have a good sex life, and as I said, my wife is determined to make it work. She also enjoys sex and we manage to get her to orgasm as well. (although I still need lots of learning in that department!) But I really want her to fully enjoy it without the fear of pain or discomfort. If I can have it, so should she be able to have it.

Any advice, ideas, further question will be greatly appreciated.

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SeekingChange
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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby SeekingChange » Tue Nov 10, 2015 1:58 pm

It sounds like she has the burning after every different kind of lube you have used, right? I guess that would eliminate an allergy. Has she dealt with UTI's at all? Have you guys talked to her doctor about this? If so, what did they say?
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MayDayGirl
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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby MayDayGirl » Tue Nov 10, 2015 3:17 pm

The burning could have many causes: infection, std, lack of estrogen causing a thinning of vaginal wall, friction from lack of lubrication. If you've ruled out each type of lube, then I think she needs to talk to an ob/gyn.

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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby Pieter » Thu Nov 12, 2015 9:10 am

UTI has been ruled out. Because she is pregnant, her urine gets tested every month, and is clean. STD also out of the question.

We'll try with a condom, probably only over the weekend, and see what the results are.

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George B.
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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby George B. » Mon Feb 01, 2016 1:54 pm

we had exactly this issue. We thought it had to do with the lube that we were using, but we ruled that out. We figured out it had to do with vaginal stretching and micro-tears that would hurt her afterwards. It was a physical issue that went away after she had her first baby (vaginally). It only recently resurfaced again after she had vaginal reconstructive surgery to correct a cystocele and rectocele.

The right lube (for us, coconut oil) certainly helps, but doesn't solve the issue 100% (assuming you guys have the situation my wife and I had). In our experience, this is something that can get solved. After she gave birth for the first time, sex became easy and pain free for many years. So hopefully that helps a bit. I'm not a doctor, though, so you definitely should see an OB/GYN about this and get it checked out.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

Pieter
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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby Pieter » Sun Feb 07, 2016 6:11 am

Hi George.

Thank you for your post. It is good to know there is hope, we really appreciate it. My DW has been booked for a full gynae checkup in a week or two. Will let you know what the outcome is.

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George B.
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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby George B. » Sun Feb 07, 2016 10:20 am

Pieter wrote:Hi George.

Thank you for your post. It is good to know there is hope, we really appreciate it. My DW has been booked for a full gynae checkup in a week or two. Will let you know what the outcome is.

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you're welcome! Glad to help! :wave:
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby Pieter » Wed Mar 30, 2016 11:32 pm

Hi everybody. Sorry for the long absence, this has been quite a rough few months. We did decide to talk to the gynae about the painful sex when something much worse happened. We have unfortunately lost our unborn baby. This was quite a blow. We did however decide to talk to the gynae at a follow up visit. He saw that there was piece of skin at the bottom side of vagina that was causing a lot of tension and discomfort. This would normally tear during childbirth, resulting in more comfortable sex after the first child is born. The gynae suggested a procedure called Fento plasty, where they make a small vertical incision through this piece of skin and stitch it back horizontally. During the procedure the doctor found that the hymen was also still quite prominent, and removed that as well. The stitches are out, my wife has fully recovered and the doctor gave us the go ahead to start playing again. We must start very slowly and with time work our way up to full penetration. We hope and pray that the procedure solved the issue.

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George B.
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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby George B. » Thu Mar 31, 2016 3:28 am

so sorry to hear about your loss! :(

glad to hear that you got some answers from your gyno.

Makes me wonder if my wife had a similar issue--we never went to the gyno for our painful sex during the first three years of our marriage, figuring it was caused by other issues. After she gave birth the first time, it was fixed, so we didn't worry about it again.

Be sure to keep in touch and let us know how it goes as you work back towards full penetration. Take it slow, especially after surgery!
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby Pieter » Wed Jul 13, 2016 12:01 pm

So, it has been 4 months after the surgery, and things are looking up. My wife definitely has some relief from the burning. Sex is much less painful for her, and she is slowly starting to build confidence again. So I can definitely recommend all ladies who struggle with painful sex to seek help. It is invasive and embarrassing, but the gynaes are very professional. Husbands, be very supportive and patient, you will reap the rewards!

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George B.
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Re: Wife has burning feeling after sex

Postby George B. » Wed Jul 13, 2016 12:12 pm

I agree! Things have been worlds better since my wife's surgery, too. Happy for you guys!
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis


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