We tried but failed

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
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George B.
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby George B. » Thu Apr 07, 2016 6:50 am

okay. Thanks for letting us know. We'll be praying!
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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The Twit
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Fri Apr 08, 2016 10:18 am

DW's meeting with the neurologist was to be the Tuesday we get back from my Grandmother's funeral . So this is being pushed back a week. Hopefully something is there to explain her head issues. Still nothing going on in the bed room. We will see how this weekend goes.


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The Twit
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Mon Apr 18, 2016 9:39 pm

DW will be seeing the neurosurgeon after we get back from my grandmother's funeral. However she did call her doctor to,see if they had any word on the MRI she just had. No change. Still a small growth on her pituitary gland and an abnormal signal in the one side of her head. It is recommended that she have another scan in 6 months and then a year after that if still no change. We do want to hear what the surgeon has to say. Pray for our trip to the west coast for the funeral.


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George B.
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby George B. » Mon Apr 18, 2016 9:51 pm

Thank you for sharing this! We'll be praying!
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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The Twit
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Thu May 05, 2016 2:33 pm

I am going to take a slight turn on this. As a continuing conversation to my blowing up a few weeks ago and a few other on going conversations I have with my wife along with what I have read on this site, a couple of books, and a few on line tests I think I might have low T due to lack of sleep, lack of exercise, a slightly bad diet, etc. This Low T does affect several aspects of my life and become a cyclic problem. As a part of this I am not as aggressive or dominate in the home as I should be. I mentioned some of my concerns to my wife. I mentioned several of the issues but nothing about sex. I mentioned that I feel like my drive in life has gotten up and gone and that I need a pick me up. I thought I needed to have my T level checked and maybe do something about it. I mentioned that I do not need to take any meds but simply changing a few things in my life would help.

That went over like a lead balloon. Mrs. Twit said that she thinks all of this T therapy, HGH therapy and other similar therapies are a waste of money and time and are not needed. She also questioned the long term affects. She did not believe that I needed a boost in my T level, my problems are all mental and that I am fat and lazy. Not exactly in those words but close enough because she has made comments similar in the past.

Right now she is on a diet to lose weight she has gained over the past few years and she wants me to lose weight with her. Yes I want to also but the kicker is she will only let me go on the same diet and exercise program as she is on. I said that I think as a man I will need a slightly different program and that yes some of it over laps but there is enough difference. I also am looking at a diet and exercise program that will help me gain some of my lost T which does not fit in with the program she is trying which is more geared towards women her age, I am not a menopausal woman in the late 40s to early 50s.

I am not sure what to say or do next but to go ahead do what I think is right for me and just not tell her the complete story which I think is bad for communications in our lives.



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The Twit
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Thu May 05, 2016 3:24 pm

By the way she stated yesterday evening as we were stepping out for the night that she was starting to get UTI issues yesterday - Code: no sex for a few days or maybe the weekend. Which means we have done nothing since I started this the end of February. She did ask me again when I would come back to the bed and as I told her in an email response - not until we get our relationship improved and consistent and I get back into the swing of the CPAP. I mentioned something to her after she asked about an inscription in a book from my grandfather to my grandmother about they had some similar issues we had and that in the last 18 years of their marriage the focus changed from self to each other along with some other changes in the bed room. She has yet to respond.


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Re: We tried but failed

Postby poetess » Thu May 05, 2016 6:46 pm

she will only let me go on the same diet and exercise program as she is on


Um, no. Wives don't "let" or "not let" their husbands do anything. This is a time when a husband leads and says, "For the sake of my health, I need to do this, and this is what I need from you to help me."
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: We tried but failed

Postby HisLadybug » Thu May 05, 2016 6:59 pm

It's your body and your call what to do for your health. The end.
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby Vanna » Thu May 05, 2016 9:57 pm

The book The Hardness Factor has some good info and suggestions on lifestyle changes to raise testosterone and male health. Easy read, very informative.

As for your diet- I echo the sentiment "your body, your call". You simply say- I'm doing x, y, z. Period. She needs to come down a notch or two in the control department.
After 28 years and six kids, through the good and bad, by the grace of God, things keep getting better and better. ::wed

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Re: We tried but failed

Postby Learning1 » Thu May 05, 2016 10:28 pm

The Twit wrote: As a part of this I am not as aggressive or dominant in the home as I should be.


I do not think aggressive or dominant is the answer. Perhaps you need to be assertive. My DH is not aggressive or dominant in the home, but he is assertive and so am I.

The Twit wrote:Right now she is on a diet to lose weight she has gained over the past few years and she wants me to lose weight with her. Yes I want to also but the kicker is she will only let me go on the same diet and exercise program as she is on.


Go on the diet and exercise program you want to go on. Why is it a debate ? Be assertive.
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” C.S. Lewis

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Re: We tried but failed

Postby facetoface » Fri May 06, 2016 8:26 pm

So she gets to decide what diet you go on? Why don't you get to decide what diet she goes on?
This is nuts. You get to choose what plan will be best for you. And then you need to follow through and do it. And if it doesn't work, you get to choose another diet/exercise plan. One spouse does not get to micromanage the other unless the other spouse consents. Do you want to consent to being micromanaged? I would think less of my husband if he allowed me to micromanage him in that way.

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Serious question

Postby Job29Man » Sat May 07, 2016 7:51 am

The Twit,

Suppose the daily interaction between you and Mrs Twit were recorded in print in such a way as to mask who was actually whom.

And suppose the transcript was analyzed by a team of anthropologists.

Whom would they identify as the "head of the Twit household?"
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

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Re: We tried but failed

Postby MyWifesMan » Sun May 08, 2016 2:14 pm

A man can't lead wherever or whenever he's not allowed to. And there are times when one must lovingly make the best decision possible, despite the objections of the opposition to necessary decisions. There are situations where one can no longer await the other to be led - or at least to come along side them. It would appear that Twit's DW if far more focused on on being controlling and her own selfish needs, and not upon what is best for either him or THEM. She fails to see that she is damaging the relationship - appearing to continue to attempt manipulating her husband into giving in to her demands. I would imagine that true respect will only follow FAR greater assertiveness. Men place enormous importance upon being respected. Deliberate and ongoing disrespect aimed at even the most easy-going person, will eventually result in a building anger. And often, when the manipulator/controller fails to get their way using the usual successful tactics, they'll switch off to playing the victim and creating unwarranted guilt, as if areas they are finally being pressed on are not the least bit reasonable. And that, no doubt, will work if one continues to play their game - whatever tactics they might employ. She must be continuously pressed to take responsibility for her damaging words and attitude. And she needs Christian accountability from a proper third party.

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The Twit
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Fri May 20, 2016 12:59 pm

Something came up the other night during our planned time of making out and more. While making out I made a comment about we need to do this more and this had been missing from our relationship. FW responded with the same old cliche - how can we have sex when there are other issues that need to be resolved. Which I followed up with but we may not have had other issues if we would have had more physical intimacy. She thought about it and we continued doing what we were.

I know she is thinking more about what I said a few weeks ago when the whole issue of her not even thinking of my needs or wants ahead of others (go to my post on "Am I being selfish" where I got upset with her about not putting peas in a pot pie). She also has been making an effort in the past few moths since I challenged her on getting her body healthy of trying to meet my needs and some of my wants. In addition I do know that a side discussion we had on what were some of the causes of issues in my grandparents marriage has had an affect on her.

Since we got back from my grandmother's funeral we have had 3 make out sessions ending with a happy ending for me and plenty of passionate kissing which has been missing for a few years. I know that there will be more of that because of some of what she is saying and is doing for me. She is working with her doctor to get her urinary and vaginal area working better and not be so prone to infections. Something she was hesitant on working on but now she is making a push to get it resolved soon.


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The Twit
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Thu Jun 09, 2016 10:36 am

I would like to make one final statement here and let a few of you make a final parting shot before I ask JobMan to close this out.

I have been seeing a great improvement in our physical relationship for various reasons. First we are making out more. We had started more and more increasing our PDA, yes a nice peck on the lips and some hand holding and this is not the simple just put your hand in mine but serious hand holding. When I come home my wife makes it a point to give me a passionate kiss. After the kids go to bed she is more willing to curl up in my arms while we both read a book or on Saturday evening watch an old romance comedy movie made prior to 1965 usually on he local movie channel. They call it Saturday Night Love. After a bit we make out like we used to when we were dating. And about 1 to 2 times a week she will give me a hand job. Each time a slight difference but I can tell she is really trying to meet my needs and allowing us to be very intimate. I have asked if we could do more but at this time with her issues she does not want to risk anything so she is happy to do me. I would love to do her but at this time I will live with her pleasing me. I do know that after her next Doctor follow up she may be more willing to go further.

Am I seeing a change in my wife? Yes. Is it slow? Yes, my change in some attitudes took a year or two but we both have been changing. She is understanding that in order for me to come back to the bedroom she has to open up physically. Yes I still need to get back to using my CPAP every night. But she knows that I need the physical. Once every 4 days works for me at this time along with the passion from her the other days.


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Re: We tried but failed

Postby Nvr2Late » Sat Jun 11, 2016 11:08 am

I'm encouraged to hear there is progress!
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The Twit
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Follow up with doctor

Postby The Twit » Thu Jun 30, 2016 8:58 am

Please pray for my wife today. She is meeting with her personal physician and going over the results from recent tests the past few months. Also she will talk to him about other issues. Praying that she will ask about sex issues and concerns I have asked her to talk to him about.


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The Twit
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Re: Follow up with doctor

Postby The Twit » Thu Jun 30, 2016 11:26 am

She called and told me most of what was talked about. Some will be shared later due to the fact the kids were around her and I was in my office area. Her lack of sleep is due to the menopause, she is having a complete work up on her hormones, she is to take Claritin or similar for some issues, and she may need to use meletnonin (sp?). Other than that she is in premenopausal stage. Will share more later.


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Re: Follow up with doctor

Postby Leah » Thu Jun 30, 2016 12:23 pm

I would suppose the fear of pregnancy moves off the table, then. Some women have "change of life" babies, but most do not.
Leah

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Re: Follow up with doctor

Postby Romantic Husband » Thu Jun 30, 2016 12:27 pm

Praying for you and your wife.
Matthew 19:26 - With God all things are possible.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.


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