We tried but failed

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
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SeekingChange
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Re: Follow up with doctor

Postby SeekingChange » Thu Jun 30, 2016 12:28 pm

I was praying! Hope you have a good talk tonight!
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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The Twit
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Re: Follow up with doctor

Postby The Twit » Thu Jun 30, 2016 2:51 pm

Leah wrote:I would suppose the fear of pregnancy moves off the table, then. Some women have "change of life" babies, but most do not.

We will still use a condom until the the first full year of no periods since she got off the BC pill. Which will be this fall. We have had that discussion. The biggest hurdle to to over come the pain and that is something that we will discuss more tonight. The doctor did share some more of what other women experienced and that she is having normal reaction. Not every woman is the same but most of her symptoms are strong indicators of peremenapause and menapause.


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The Twit
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Thu Jun 30, 2016 3:07 pm

SeekingChange wrote:I was praying! Hope you have a good talk tonight!

Thank you. This will be the continuation of some talks we have had recently. PIV has been off the table until this appointment. Now we need to figure out a way for us to have PIV and she does not get an UTI. She has been generous with the HJs lately but there has been no attempt at PIV sines we tried - the start of this complete thread.

What was great is that in my morning email to her I asked her to call me as soon as she got back from the appointment. She had not read any emails until she got back and then she called me right away when she read my email. That is a great sign in my book.


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Leah
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby Leah » Thu Jun 30, 2016 4:05 pm

Twit, I am a good bit older than your wife and I have lichen sclerosus. It is a very painful condition occuring in menopausal women. It can be managed, but not very well. Conviction is the driver here. I am a woman who acts on the basis of conviction, and because I know it is the definitive behavior of marriage, I manage it as well as I can. I have two (expensive) prescription medications. I use them faithfully. I talk at length with my doctor (who has a very good understanding of the needs of aging women), and I follow her advice beyond what she says. I care about how I feel and I don't want to need a 3-day notice for sex. If your wife is not fully convinced that sex is important to your marriage, don't expect a visit to the doctor will help. If she is fully convinced, and she wants to have full on PIV, then support her treatment the best you can.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


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Job29Man
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby Job29Man » Fri Jul 01, 2016 5:16 am

Leah wrote:...Conviction is the driver here. I am a woman who acts on the basis of conviction, and because I know it is the definitive behavior of marriage, I manage it as well as I can...


Leah, you are a great example to women and men of dedication to the principles of "one-flesh" and servant's heart. I could picture you getting together with other people in like-situations and writing a book of encouragement called "I Will Not Give Up!"
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The Twit
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We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Wed Jul 06, 2016 8:59 am

Well we tried and succeeded. It was almost the same level of passion we had when we were first married. This is on top of the passion she has been giving me for hand jobs and outside of the bedroom. She felt no pain, she did not limit it to missionary, she was willing to use CO as the lube, and we took our time before I entered her. She also let me touch and kiss her breast, something not allowed for some time.

I do know that she is very relieved that some of the side health issues (not UTIs) are related to her going through menopause. It was confirmed in the lab results from her recent doctor's visit as a follow up to some head issues, which will take time to heal. The head issues are directly related to her fall in the bathroom last spring. Hearing she is in menopause is a great relief to her and makes her more relaxed. DW being more relaxed makes her more open for physical contact. This is good for us.

So the title of this is changed from "We tried but failed" to "We tried and had great success". Now we will see how things work out through the summer. We are scheduling sex for about every 4 days which I can live with because that makes the time we do very intense and helps me control my PE a bit more.


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Re: We tried but failed

Postby seeking perspective » Wed Jul 06, 2016 9:04 am

Woo-hoo!

May you experience continuing success as you move forward.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby Hiswifeagain » Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:56 am

Congrats!!!! So glad to hear


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Job29Man
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby Job29Man » Wed Jul 06, 2016 2:58 pm

The Twit wrote:Well we tried and succeeded.
Bravo TT! :D
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby Leah » Wed Jul 06, 2016 3:31 pm

That's really good news.

My drive went through the roof when I was starting menopause. Coming at this from my own experience, I would suggest that you all do your best to have very regular sex. I have a feeling that Jake's chronic refusal is part of the reason I have lichen schlerosus now. It is related to a depeletion of female hormones, and I have a suspicion that regular sexual activity would have helped maintain my hormone levels to keep my tissue healthy.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


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The Twit
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Wed Jul 06, 2016 8:45 pm

I looked your problem up and am sorry to hear about that. Pray that you will be able to see success in the treatment.

One good sign is the agreement to about 4 days between sessions. What is good is the passionate kisses and the allowing me to touch her in more areas when we are alone. So I do think the menopause is good. Now just a few more months of condoms until she has gone one year of no periods after getting off the HBC. I think that is also helping. She is not 100% sold on CO for lube but after last night she is more willing to try it more.

So thanks for all the prayers and help. I think we have turned some areas around.

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The Twit
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Re: We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Mon Aug 01, 2016 10:46 am

Just a follow up for those following the Twits. Things have been good for some time now. Almost 2 times a week we do something. We have not been able to have PIV nor have I been able to do anything for DW due to some issues - she did get a bad flare up of UTI this last week and i had to take her in to Urgent care twice this weekend. The antibiotic caused some issues. However she pleased me twice in two nights. The first night I asked and the next night after getting back from urgent care she asked if I wanted a HJ. I was surprised because the previous night was an intense HJ.
Pray that her UTI will be taken care of with the his new treatment of antibiotics and that all things will be in good order for our anniversary.

She is being more generous in the bedroom. We still are not doing everything we used to because we are trying to get back into shape for some of the stuff but things are getting back to prior the drought of 12 years.


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Re: We tried but failed

Postby seeking perspective » Mon Aug 01, 2016 10:58 am

Are you sleeping in the bedroom now, or are you still on the couch?
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
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The Twit
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We tried but failed

Postby The Twit » Mon Aug 01, 2016 11:11 am

Bed room almost every night. In fact since we first tried the middle of June to now I have been in the bed all but two or three nights due to heat, indigestion, and prepping for my colonoscopy. The only time for either one of us on the couch is if we get to hot or are having issues that would keep the other awake. DW has been waking up in the middle of the night due to menopause. So she will go out and read a bit then come back to bed and not try to bother me.

Most evening we snuggle together and we do make out a bit. Some mornings she will snuggle in and we will make out. Of course all of the making out leads to more which is now every 3-4 nights.


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Re: We tried but failed

Postby George B. » Mon Aug 01, 2016 11:41 am

Excellent! Way to persevere!
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis


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