Issues

Painfull intercourse, pain with sexual activity, and pain that prevents sex or makes sex difficult.
Logan
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Issues

Postby Logan » Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:52 am

Hi everyone I'm new to the forum but thought I would go through some of the current issues me and my wife are facing. Some background my wife had an Imperforate hymen which we discovered right after we got married and also is believed to have endometriosis. It makes sex in most all positions painful for her and her ob/gyn doesn't really have any suggestions. So although my wife never rejects me my willingness to have sex has gone down as I hate hurting her at the very least making her bleed afterwards. She says she still enjoys it but piv sex just doesn't work the way I feel like it should. At the moment rear entry is our only tolerable position I'm guessing cause it keeps me from going as deep. If anyone has suggestions or has experienced similar problems let me know.

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SeekingChange
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Re: Issues

Postby SeekingChange » Sat Mar 25, 2017 6:56 am

I have no direct advice to the immediate situation at hand. But, connecting sexually can still happen outside of PIV. Maybe have your main focus be enjoying each others bodies, outside of penetration, do massages, play with different sensations on different parts, use oral sex, kiss, etc. You can connect emotionally and physically that way, and your wife can connect pleasure to her sexuality, and then you can complete things through your rear entry so that you can have that "one flesh", but that's not the main focus and therefore failure and pain isn't the prevailing mood over you two coming together. It will be more work and you both will have to be more intentional, but it's very doable to get you through this season.

Has the doctor mentioned anything about if having children might help?
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George B.
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Re: Issues

Postby George B. » Sun Mar 26, 2017 8:27 pm

I totally understand. We had similar (but not the same, exactly) physical issues when we were first married. I hate to say this because it's not an immediate fix--but for my wife, having a baby really helped a lot.

I must say, I'm surprised that the OB/GYN has no suggestions. Usually, they'll be willing to at least take a look and make suggestions, as well as even mention performing a hymenectomy to remove the hymen completely if needed. As for endometriosis, she should have a diagnosis on that, one way or the other, as it could affect her ability to have children.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

Logan
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Re: Issues

Postby Logan » Tue Mar 28, 2017 8:25 pm

Thanks for the replies both of you. Maybe I didn't clarify but she has had her hymen removed by the ob/gyn. The issues we are still having are post surgery. I have heard having children could help but me and especially my wife aren't really at the point where we are ready to have kids yet from financial and other standpoints. We also aren't entirely sure how we feel about being parents although that is a separate issue. We want to look into foster care and see how we do with that to adjust ourselves to having kids. The other part of that is my wife is not really into exploring other options than piv. Oral sex for her is disgusting and off the table so I have dropped the issue. There are some childhood sexual abuse issues that I wonder if they have a part to play that involved another female. She has dealt with a lot of those issues already but I wonder if that still affects what's acceptable or not. Thanks for all the replies though. I am trying to be thankful for what I do have but honestly sex is so much more work than I imagined prior to marriage.

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Re: Issues

Postby Paul B » Wed Mar 29, 2017 1:54 pm

You said she bleeds after intercourse - that is no normal. Need to find out why and deal with it.

If oral is out, what about manual?
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Logan
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Re: Issues

Postby Logan » Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:20 pm

Thanks for the reply Paul. She doesn't bleed all the time but it is an issue that she is going to bring up to the ob/gyn. Manual isn't something we have done a whole lot of but we may considering trying. I definitely have some trouble showing my wife's how to stimulate me properly but practice may help with that. We both have our issues both physical and emotional. It took me a really long time after getting married to relax doing anything sexual together. thanks for the suggestions

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George B.
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Re: Issues

Postby George B. » Sat Apr 01, 2017 10:03 am

So, the hymen is out--that's helpful to know.

The endometriosis is definitely concerning and that definitely could be causing most if not all of her painful sex and general pelvic pain. Her OB/GYN would be the best person to speak to this, but has she tried taking OTC painkillers before sex? If she's experienced abuse, this could also be a factor. If she is okay with drinking, a glass of wine beforehand and a warm bath may help with relaxation as well as just putting her in the right frame of mind. Make sure you're using a good lubricant--our favorite is coconut oil. It feels amazing. We wish we'd known about it when we were first married.

For us, our painful sex issues have always been entirely physical, but not endometriosis or hymen-related, which is why having the baby helped. Please don't misunderstand me--I don't advocate for people becoming parents before they're ready (although on the other hand, you're never entirely ready, anyway). :wink:

Praying for you!
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis


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