workerbee wrote:I hope I contribute positively to my DH self worth after 21 years of marriage. I know his affection or lack thereof effects my self worth. I would think it should as we chose each other to spend the rest of our lives together!
How can so much be expected of a spouse but when the word "desire" or "passion" are discussed so many here balk and make excuses?
What makes you qualified to judge what is an excuse and what isn't?
Doesn't scripture teach us that our worth comes from Him who created us? Getting self-worth from anyone but God will leave us less than we were created to be. Depending on a spouse for our self-worth makes them little more than a tool to prop up our sagging sense of self, IMO.
workerbee wrote:Somehow something happened and my body WOULD NOT BE DENIED and WOULD NOT BE DEPRIVED. Sex was REQUIRED & I Had to be satisfied. At that moment or at least that day. I was CRAZY. It was insane and very unlike me. And it was AMAZING!!!
I had my Dr check out and test every hormone level the day of the beginning of my cycle. I expected high this/low that. Notta. Which is VERY unfortunate. VERY VERY UNFORTUNATE. Because my intent was to attempt to duplicate that sensation on demand! That crazy sex starved woman because of a PHYSICAL CARNAL need lasted for only a few months. But it was a gift!
So you recognize it was a gift. A gift is something given by someone to someone else. A gift isn't demanded or commanded. You were given a gift, for whatever reason, that allowed you to experience feeling [physically desirous] all the time, you tried to duplicate it without success and yet you stand in judgment of others who haven't yet received this gift and demand they pursue this gift for themselves or they are being selfish.
workerbee wrote:So there is no real reason a LD spouse cannot desire to desire!
And you know this how?
workerbee wrote:I do.It's in the mind and the heart.
You have to want it and cultivate it.
Oh, I see. You've decided because you can so can everyone else. If it's not working it's because they just don't want it?
workerbee wrote:I wanted my DH to pursue me, desire me, be passionate about me as I am with him.
I told him I was grateful for what we have and that he always tried attending to my needs.
But I wanted the joy of passion and all that Song of Solomon stuff.
I mean no disrespect here, but that's an awful lot of "I"'s there. High desire for sex is not a trait for godliness anymore than low desire is. It seems that many low desire spouses think that having less desire is more spiritual and godly than having high desire. But I think that is also true for high desire spouses. Maybe that's "normal' hubris that makes us see ourselves as more noble than we are.
Workerbee, I know your intentions are good, so please don't take offense to the following. Having high idealistic expectations for your marriage is your choice, but I wish you would stop encouraging others to hold such high expectations of their spouses because it can really breed discontent. You were given a gift. Appreciate that gift and pray for others to also receive such a gift . Please refrain from maligning others by accusing them of making excuses.