sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Aging brings changes - some good, some not so much.
tassiedad
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Postby tassiedad » Mon Dec 22, 2014 4:39 pm

DW and I are late 50s and our physical intimacy has never been better. But GUG has noted something extremely important - it is the quality of your overall relational intimacy that will be the most significant governing factor.


Yes! This!
DW and I will be empty-nesters next month due to a move interstate. We are moving in order to make our 29 yr old move out (j/k). Seriously, though, I have landed my dream job, but it requires a move interstate. We will initially be living with my sister in a big house with a pool. She is an academic who is overseas half of the time.......

We can't wait. DW is 59 and I am 55. DW is a nurse, so is in a stressful and demanding job. We are really looking forwards to the lack of stress (on her part) and the increased amount of time together - my new job is 1/2 time!!! - (on my part) and we intend to really make the most of it.

But - and this is the important bit - this is only possible because our relationship now is probably better than it has ever been. We have been married for 33 years. Sure, in our 20's and 30's the orgasms may have been more intense, but they weren't the deep expression of love that they are now. It is truly mind-blowing. Schnarch is right - we are having the best sex of our lives, and that is ONLY because of the quality of our relationship.

SeemsLikeYesterday
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby SeemsLikeYesterday » Wed Dec 24, 2014 10:33 am

I find for most of these issues questions folks are trying to wrap them up in a nice package with a bow and calling it the way it is for us or others. Christmas presents are about the only thing one can do this with. The multitude of factors that enter into the responses for these questions is almost endless and the effect they will have on sex in the 40s and 50s and 60s. There are many aspects of sexuality that seem to be perpetuated as givens when in fact the situations are self-perpetuated by us and allowed and have little association with the aspects we are capable of maintaining. Happy Holidays to all. sly
Last edited by SeemsLikeYesterday on Mon Dec 29, 2014 7:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

marriedandlovingit
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby marriedandlovingit » Wed Dec 24, 2014 11:16 am

I've been married twice and both times to moderately LD wives. I've had to have SEVERAL discussions with both wives to get them to understand my needs, and to understand their needs. These conversations have ALWAYS been difficult to start and emotionally charged. I'll admit that its taken a delicate but truthful approach in both cases to reach mutually acceptable agreemens on what we would expect from one another. But in both cases it has proven to make happier marriages.

I know that every situation is different, and that what others experience may differ from my experiences, but my point is that unless someone determines that these conversations are going to take place, then they can expect nothing to change.

In both cases, before I finally decided it was too important to put off, I would rationalize all sorts of reasons to delay the conversationS (plural).

I usually would bring it up on long road trips where I had a "captive" audience.

My point is, I was HD in my youth, and I'm still fairly HD at 55. Both if my wives became higher drive after we started have more sex.

I am convinced that (at least in my experience) drive follows action. When we ML more, when we think about sex more, we eventually want to ML more.

I liken it to Worship in that when I don't really feel like it, I do it anyway because I OWE it to Him. He is due my Worship. Then after I start, I end up really wanting to pour myself out before Him.

My DW has confirmed to me that she sometimes feels the same way about ML. The same for me on those occasions when I may not be in the mood. But once she/I get started we get into it.

Like I said. The less you do it the less you want to. The more you do it, the more you want to. And sometimes you just have to "fake it till you make it". Lol

All I can say is sex at 55 is the best I've ever had but it took real effort and commitment to get here.

That's just been my experience. YMMV.

P.S. I didn't read the entire thread, so if I'm off topic, ... sorry.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: ... Hebrews 13:4 KJV

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby C_Brown » Sat Dec 27, 2014 3:59 pm

This is hard for me to answer, our sex life has been impacted both good and bad by more variables than just age. We are in our mid to late 40's now and are having sex more often than we ever did before but that is more due to the removal of some obstacles rather than an age-effect. I don't think my desire to have sex with DW is any less than when were married in our early 20's but sadly it is true that sometimes the body isn't as ready to perform as the heart would like it to be.
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing -- Yvaine (in the movie Stardust)

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby Bloke » Sun Dec 28, 2014 2:55 am

I hope this is encouraging (it is for us), I'm 48 and DW is 43. we have been married 23+ years, and we have more sex now than at anytime previous. Maybe because we're both fitter now, but mostly because the kids are growing up and we are intentionally spending lots of husband and wife time together on our own. We average now around 7-12 times per week, when we were younger maybe 3-5 times per week. I would also say my wife has increasingly become more comfortable with her body, and making a little more time for each other date nights, beach arvos, long weekends etc. has really fueled our sex life. That is not to say there ha snot been some difficult periods of time, there has, but we have always worked hard on communicating what we are thinking and/or feeling which has helped navigate those periods well, usually producing more fruit as a result.

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Sex after 50....

Postby CandC320 » Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:22 am


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Mr Adam
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Re: Sex after 50....

Postby Mr Adam » Sat Feb 28, 2015 2:24 pm

Good article, I can testify that it is true. :D

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby Mr Adam » Sat Feb 28, 2015 2:31 pm

We are moving into our mid 50's and are currently enjoying the best sex of our 30 plus year marriage. God continues to open new doors for us and brings us into a closer relationship with Him and each other. DW and I are meeting in the middle of our SD right now. my time to O has slowed down, her's has sped up. Feeling the most "in sync" that we've been.

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Re: Sex after 50....

Postby phxcp » Sat Feb 28, 2015 7:08 pm

I hope so but I'm skeptical. It certainly hasn't been that way for 44 out of the last 45 years, ever since our first child was born.

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Re: Sex after 50....

Postby facetoface » Mon Mar 02, 2015 1:03 pm

Unless Mr ED starts to visit the marraige bed....

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby soxfan1 » Tue Mar 03, 2015 7:49 am

Unfortunately due to infrequency, I suffer from excessive PE (even at 52). We usually ML once a week and I ejaculate within 30-60 seconds after insertion. Even in the rare occasion we ML more frequently, that time doesn't change much (1-2 minutes)

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby RonBurgundy36 » Tue Mar 03, 2015 12:12 pm

I'm 43 and DW is 42. We are together 2-3 times per week and find that each session is 15-30 minutes. Can honestly say we are having the best sex of our lives now.

We both know what we want and we give it to each other as much as possible.


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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby Romantic Husband » Tue Mar 03, 2015 2:32 pm

Your non-physical relationship is the key.

We are in our early 60's, married since 1978, and emotionally, especially in the last year, have never been closer. As a result, we are having: Best. Sex. Ever.
Matthew 19:26 - With God all things are possible.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby George B. » Wed Mar 04, 2015 12:16 am

we feel like things are getting better in some ways for us. However, she's had some physical problems (pelvic organ prolapse) which have made sex more difficult and painful. We're hoping to have that fixed. We're both in our early 40s, and all of our six kids are still in the house and things are very busy, so we're not quite as active in the bedroom (or elsewhere) as we would like. But we understand that this is a season like other seasons.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby IM_a_Farmwife » Sun Apr 26, 2015 6:31 am

We are both in our 50's. Sex was really good at the beginning, but now it's even better. I agree with the other posters, it's about your everyday relationship that determines the pleasure in the marriage bed. I know my DH so much better, and he knows me, through the years. I feel accepted no matter what. It's a good place to be. We have a standing order of sorts, every night is fine by both. DH started getting soft (still penetrable) so he now takes Arginine. He's back to rock hard. Problem solved. DH does not have ED or PE. If either one visits our marriage bed, we'll just adjust. God gave both of us a mouth and fingers. I have not hit menopause yet. I'm hoping it's no big deal, like my mom's experience.

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby StrawberryBlonde » Sun Apr 26, 2015 4:01 pm

IM_a_Farmwife wrote: I agree with the other posters, it's about your everyday relationship that determines the pleasure in the marriage bed. I know my DH so much better, and he knows me, through the years. I feel accepted no matter what. It's a good place to be. I have not hit menopause yet. I'm hoping it's no big deal, like my mom's experience.


I totally agree with ImaFW. We're in our 50's, and our marriage bed is better than ever, wonderful, even if sex is sometimes physically a bit complicated, difficult, or frustrating. Our day-to-day relationship has improved a hundredfold in the past six months, and we experience intimacy now that we never had, even in the beginning. A friend once told me that when we women reach forty (a long time ago now for me) we have to just let go of our baggage and get on with life and love. That was good advice. I am so much more comfortable in my skin, imperfect as it is, and DH is so in love with my new attitude. I love being married and sharing his bed more than I ever have before.

ImaFW, I was hoping, too, to follow my mom's menopausal history, as I did her pregnancy history. But it was not to be. :roll: I hope you have a better experience. ♥

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby OldBear » Sun May 24, 2015 3:06 pm

At age 65 (both of us) our quantity is down, yet the quality is the best ever. We also relish cuddling, sitting next to each other under a shared blanket while reading or watching a BBC series, and holding each other close in bed. Paul B. mentioned in an earlier post that for many older men the physical element of LMing diminishes and the emotional and relational connection increases (paraphrase). That's true for me. For Mrs. Oldbear the same is true. We both enjoy a high degree of success (reaching orgasm) but once in a while we'll (generally me) fizzle. In our (my) younger days a failure to O would not have been pleasant or fulfilling. If it happens in my golden years, we laugh, cuddle up and soak up the intimacy of being close.

For me, sex as a senior is less about matchless success (as good or better than the last time) and more about the significance of a deeper intimacy with my lifelong sole and soul mate.

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby Romantic Husband » Sun May 24, 2015 8:28 pm

OldBear wrote:For me, sex as a senior is less about matchless success (as good or better than the last time) and more about the significance of a deeper intimacy with my lifelong sole and soul mate.


This was very well put, and confirms our experience. These days sex is a lot more complicated as we both need a little pharmaceutical assistance to help us achieve PIV, but emotionally, it's never been as powerful and meaningful to us as it is today.
Matthew 19:26 - With God all things are possible.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby be64 » Sun Mar 06, 2016 4:56 pm

I am 51 and my wife is 49. We are having as much sex as ever, every other day or more often than that. It is better than ever as well. If a man's libido declines it is likely linked to low testosterone.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby Olorin » Sat Mar 12, 2016 4:30 am

DW and I have been married for almost 25 years; she is 51 and I am 55. After discussing our needs (I am definitely HD and she is more on the LD side), we decided to schedule sex twice a week (once on Wednesday evening or Thursday morning and once on a weekend day). The weekend sex is the best; we can take our time and to make it more enjoyable for her I start by giving her a 20 - 30 minute back massage using a Hitachi and coconut oil, while she uses a Hitachi on herself to help her warm up. As I mentioned in a previous post, this two-Hitachi/ back massage technique has been a real blessing for us; it has allowed her to get aroused in a way that has not happened in a while (arousal has been a problem for her since she went through menopause).

BTW, I can't recommend coconut oil too strongly. It is the best lubricant, massage oil EVER!!!!


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