Touching required?

Aging brings changes - some good, some not so much.
manygoodyears
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Touching required?

Postby manygoodyears » Sat Nov 09, 2013 1:47 pm

Wondering how many guys over 50 require some amount of physical contact to get hard. When I was young, erections were easily achieved, with or without being touched, whether wanted or not! For the past 10 or so years, getting hard usually requires being touched, or some kind of pressure or vibration.

This doesn't bother me. For one thing, I *like* being touched and attended to.

However, in recent months, DW has been taking it personally, saying I must not be aroused by her. Typically I first help her reach O (though now she always finishes with a vibe--ignore the irony). At that point I'm usually still flaccid since both of us have been focusing on her. I do find it mentally/emotionally arousing, but it doesn't get me ready for PIV. So she thinks there's something wrong with me other than normal aging-related changes (mid-50s). She thinks it must be prostate problems. But I don't typically have problems finishing once I'm ready, nor do I have trouble getting ready if she gives me some attention (or if I do it myself). I don't have low T, and am generally healthy & active.

So I think I'm more or less normal for my age. She thinks there's something wrong with me, or her, or both. I should mention that DW is having anxiety & insecurity problems right now, so she worries about me and others having all kinds of health problems.

Thoughts?

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jokerman
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Re: Touching required?

Postby jokerman » Sat Nov 09, 2013 2:03 pm

I have the same responses, and I assumed it was natural aging.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby floridarv » Sat Nov 09, 2013 3:51 pm

Explain to her that it is a natural aging process, the same way I bet she takes longer or requires lub. You should point that out to her and explain that you don't take it like she is not turned on by you, same thing.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby sweethomeboy » Sat Nov 09, 2013 4:01 pm

jokerman wrote:I have the same responses, and I assumed it was natural aging.


Same age, same responses.

Also, sometimes my wife is not really into it, but wants to do it for me. Which I appreciate, since she's only really into it very occasionally. When she's not into it, and she expresses that, it becomes harder for me to respond with an erection. She may try to get me ready by touching, but when I can tell that that touching is out of frustration because she thinks I really ought to already be hard, I'm less likely to be able to "perform" not more. I guess when I was younger, if she let me touch her breasts and if she put her hands on me, I could pretty much go ahead. Now there needs to be more reciprocity. I think the way she looks at it is that when she "gives in" I ought to be "grateful" enough to go ahead; at one time that may have been doable, not so much anymore.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby Maneo » Sat Nov 09, 2013 4:31 pm

Natural aging process. The exact effects vary from person to person.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby azpeach » Sat Nov 09, 2013 5:24 pm

Unfortunately I have begun to experience this and I am 35yrs old. It is very frustrating.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby mywifeslover » Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:26 pm

I am also of the same age and have the same response most of the time. I sometimes get an erection when we are kissing, but when I am taking my time pleasing my wife with my fingers or a vibe, I need her to maintain some touch in order to be hard enough to ML after she O's. When she does O, most of the time she stops the touching to focus on the O, which I understand. However, if she allows me to keep the O going for awhile or go for more multiples (I really enjoy doing that :mrgreen:), there is the unfortunate possibility that I will not be "ready" when she is done. If is frustrating, but it is what it is.
Solomon was right!

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love. Proverbs 5:18-19 ESV

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Re: Touching required?

Postby seeker12 » Sat Nov 09, 2013 8:42 pm

I am in my mid 50s and just thinking about sex with my DW makes me hard...In 33 years, she has never touch me there while I am soft. I wish that I could one time be soft and she would caress me to hardness. :shock:

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Re: Touching required?

Postby manygoodyears » Sat Nov 09, 2013 8:54 pm

Thanks for all the replies. She's not really in a state of mind (mental health) where I can explain much of anything and have it be constructive. I will try telling her a few more times (especially when she brings it up right in the middle of LM, which is counter-productive) that it is a natural result of aging, and that I like being touched, i.e., there's more to foreplay for me than giving her an O.

At this point, with everything we're dealing with, I'm just glad that she is still willing and interested, at least in the idea of intimacy if not too engaged in the practice of it.

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Hiswifeagain
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Re: Touching required?

Postby Hiswifeagain » Sat Nov 09, 2013 9:09 pm

manygoodyears wrote:She's not really in a state of mind (mental health) where I can explain much of anything and have it be constructive.

Why not just show her this thread. It would be hard to argue this many other people saying the same thing.
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3

manygoodyears
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Re: Touching required?

Postby manygoodyears » Sat Nov 09, 2013 9:18 pm

Oh how I wish it could be that simple. It isn't, for us. Long story, more appropriate for a PM or other group.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby Graypoet » Mon Nov 11, 2013 4:01 am

In my case, early 60's, high blood pressure, 10 year post prostate removal, a loving caress by my Loving wife helps.
Proverbs 5:18-19 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby igor » Sun Nov 17, 2013 3:06 pm

At 73 I need more stimulus than I used to to get "ready for action." Unfortunately I don't get that kind of stimulation from her.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby belovedalways » Sun Nov 17, 2013 4:01 pm

mywifeslover wrote: I need her to maintain some touch in order to be hard enough to ML after she O's.


We're in this age group too and on nights when this^^^^^^ is needed, I just use my toes on him. Gently rubbing or even just the pressure of pushing on him kind of regularly helps while he's dealing with me.
A kiss is the upper persuasion for a lower invasion.

manygoodyears
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Re: Touching required?

Postby manygoodyears » Sun Nov 17, 2013 9:50 pm

I like that solution!. Maybe someday I will be able to suggest it.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby Mr Adam » Sat Feb 28, 2015 2:40 pm

54 here and yes, touch is usually needed by myself and/or her to maintain. If i am playing with her, I will often simply put her hand on me. I am then usually able to maintain and focus on her for a longer time.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby Legolas » Sat Apr 23, 2016 7:25 am

Hey all,
Yes, same ages and responses here; lack of response on my part started to happen about 5yrs ago...I would be working on her, and by the time she was finished with her first go-round, I would still be completely un-useable for PIV, and waiting for either one of us to take the time to get me ready really took the mood out of it for us...she is not the hi-drive, proactive one in our marriage; so we changed our "logistical arrangement" to where we can both work on each other at the same time...to a much better effect and result for both of us... :D :lol:
"A limit on what you will do puts a limit on what you can do". John Maxwell

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Re: Touching required?

Postby bigloop » Mon Apr 25, 2016 7:53 pm

Maneo wrote:Natural aging process. The exact effects vary from person to person.

Man....you guys are really bringing me down....you mean to say it doesn't get better after 45? Crud!

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Elevation
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Re: Touching required?

Postby Elevation » Tue Apr 26, 2016 6:45 am

bigloop wrote:
Maneo wrote:Natural aging process. The exact effects vary from person to person.

Man....you guys are really bringing me down....you mean to say it doesn't get better after 45? Crud!


It does actually...by God's grace, I'm 44 and I have better EQ now and control without any drugs. I use to have the same troubles as the OP.

I think the issues of ED happens and the ways to overcome them vary from person to person.

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Re: Touching required?

Postby Redsman » Tue Apr 26, 2016 7:10 am

Im 37, and touching is required and/or needed about half the time. While she physically and sexually still turns me on, we have a 3 mo old that still wakes up at least once a night. As a result, even though I am physically and sexually turned on by her, there are times lately where, due to more tiredness, physical touch is needed to encourage things a lot a bit more (kind like starter fluid on a cold motorcycle in the winter time...it could get cranked up on it's own, but the starter fluid helps it get started faster).


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