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Have you had the sex talk with your adult children getting married?

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Slipthegrasp
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Have you had the sex talk with your adult children getting married?

Post by Slipthegrasp »

Have you taken the opportunity to have that talk about sex in marriage with your adult children?  Would you consider doing it?  If you would, what would be the prime advice that you would impart to them as you are the seasoned veteran?

I am contemplating what it is that I would say.  According to Dave Ramsey, your kids think that you don't have sex or money.  They might be surprised at how much you have and know.

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Tsrose
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Re: Have you had the sex talk with your adult children getting married?

Post by Tsrose »

That it's a beautiful, acceptable, and encouraged part of marriage. My parents did not have a talk with me, but we also already had a baby girl. 🙄 backwards, but we've made a solid life of it. A big part for me was always lack of communication about anything related to sex. From my parents and the church, and it was rely hard to know where to fit, at first why wasn't it ok since I had been abused, than because I had made that choice because I hadn't thought it mattered. It's so weird to go from "it's bad" and almost dirty, to what you should be doing. And I will choose how I approach this with my girls because I don't want them to struggle and I don't want them to be ashamed. I think I would just start by asking if your child has any questions, maybe mention it a few times over a few weeks to let them know you are truly open and available. Especially if they abstained, they will have questions. Let them know it might not happen on the wedding night, that they may be too tired. Also that it will take time to figure it out and it may be awkward at first. They have a lifetime to figure it out, grow, and try everything they want to.
alexschulze
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Re: Have you had the sex talk with your adult children getting married?

Post by alexschulze »

Agree. It's a big part of marriage.  Want them to have a very active sex after marriage. Make sex a priority in marriage. Newly married couple should expect daily sex .

Not sure whether its good to go in details on sexual position etc

 
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SeekingChange
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Re: Have you had the sex talk with your adult children getting married?

Post by SeekingChange »

Yes, we have talked to our son before his marriage about sex. We have talked to all of our children, since they were young, about sex. That is when I believe it should start. A big reason for that belief is because of my own childhood lack of being talked to, and how I know it affected me. If a parent does not talk about the body and sex until their child is an adult, they have already found their teachers. At best, the probably got a skewed teaching, at worst, it can be a flat-out wrong and anti Biblical teaching, from places like, their friends, TV and media, magazines, internet, porn, locker-room talk, Etc.  The age and time in life does depend on the depth and the content, but it should not keep us from talking about this subject with them. On the eve of the wedding, my son was up in our room, and the topic came up and we actually talked about sex toys. That was the appropriate time for that conversation.

I also had a talk with my soon-to-be daughter-in-law. I came more from my own past experience and not wanting her to make the same mistake. This was while  we were on a shopping trip, as a gift to her (and my son😉), to buy her some undergarments and lingerie for the honeymoon and after.

I think the biggest message I try to get across is just to think about the other first, and basically show love. My husband has had his own talks with our son as well.  We have had, and still have, sex talks with my son and daughter-in-law. Maybe, that's because they're comfortable enough because of how we handled the topic with them before they were married.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
Slipthegrasp
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Re: Have you had the sex talk with your adult children getting married?

Post by Slipthegrasp »

Wow, you went on a premarital lingerie shopping trip!  That's communication.
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SeekingChange
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Re: Have you had the sex talk with your adult children getting married?

Post by SeekingChange »

All very intentional, even though I knew it would be a little uncomfortable.  The  end goal is worth the sacrifice of comfort now.  When she shares about it with her friends and family, they are all pretty surprised.

God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Have you had the sex talk with your adult children getting married?

Post by PaulB »

Well given what we do my son had no doubt we have sex!

Yeah, I talked with him a bit. I'd been doing that for years about sex, so it was normal, and much of what I wanted him to know had already been covered. I made sure they had a solid plan for birth control, and mentioned lubricants. I also knew friends of ours were sending the couple an order of sex toys, so there was that!
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mushels
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Re: Have you had the sex talk with your adult children getting married?

Post by mushels »

My parents never talked with me other then the basic "this is how you have sex" biology lesson as I hit puberty. I was thankful an elderly friend of the family handed my husband a bottle of lube the day before our wedding and said, "You're going to need to use lot so this. Sex can hurt the first few times you have it. Take it slow". Neither of us even knew we would need lube. I was too embarrassed to ask and no one told me much. I also didn't grow up with internet and all of my friends were just as "protected" as I was. I also did not even know my body could orgasm till we had been married for nine years and neither did my husband. Finally I had seen someone mention orgasming and got curious and looked it up online. Now I'm raising four young kids of my own and trying to figure out what to say when so that they can grow up feeling comfortable with talking about sex with us. Unfortunatly although I'm comfortable talking about it with my husband now it's still hard for me to talk about it with anyone else.
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