White Knuckling Through It

Low or no sex drive?
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poetess
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Re: White Knuckling Through It

Postby poetess » Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:55 am

Linnea,

I asked about your children because it is common for mothers of several young children to be "touched out," and mothers who are nursing infants particularly to have a hard time with libido. I was thinking someone else would pick up that thread, and when no one did, then I did, thinking someone else would then follow up. See, I myself married late in life and I have stepchildren I see as my own, but I have never given birth. I cannot speak to this aspect from personal experience, but I suspect that is a big part of where you are--a life season. And are you on hormonal birth control or any other medication that might hurt libido?

It sounds like you do have a good libido around ovulation. Make use of that; plan for it, and make sure that you have time in your schedule to have extended time with your husband to revel in your love for each other. Other times of the month it may take more planning to make sure that you both enjoy it, and sometimes it may be a quickie for him--but don't let that be your norm. Can someone else watch the children while you have a bubble bath, or listen to your favorite music, or your husband gives you a long massage? Do you know what does help relax you and get you in the mood? Maybe it's lying in bed in your husband's arms with no expectation of sex that starts getting you aroused. Maybe it's seeing him loving the children well. Look for hints of when it is, and communicate with your husband your desire for him.

But know, too, that this is likely to be a season, one that you will pass through. Work on loving each other the best that you can, and know that many other couples have passed through the difficulty of this with a thriving, growing marriage.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Nvr2Late
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Re: White Knuckling Through It

Postby Nvr2Late » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:47 am

Nobody has yet asked the question, are you on hormonal birth control? That can dampen your desire to nearly nothing. It could be a piece of the puzzle.
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How we handle our spouse's shortcomings reveals more about our own character than theirs. * I’ve already told you more than I know.

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Job29Man
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Re: White Knuckling Through It

Postby Job29Man » Thu Dec 28, 2017 4:32 pm

We've had a lot of children (10), and so I've seen some of what changing hormones can do to a young mother's moods, attitudes, etc. We just always figured out ways to negotiate through it, work around it, accommodate it.

What "kind" of sex is problematic for you when your hormones are away from ovulation time?
Is it PIV sex? Sex that involves you being aroused, you being touched?
Or is it any kind of sex, even if it is just you touching him sexually and him NOT touching you sexually?

If you can touch him, but don't want him to touch you, then I could see a compromise schedule being negotiated. Maybe something like:

Week 1: Monday - HJ, Wednesday - BJ, Saturday - PIV (you said it was better for you if you had no sex for 5-7 days)
Week 2: The same
Week 3: Week around ovulation: Monday PIV, Wednesday PIV, Friday PIV, Weekend PIV
Week 4: Menstruation -- Maybe an HJ or something?

I mean, until you get past the childbearing season of life, and while you keep trying to figure things out for your enjoyment too, might that work?
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.


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