Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Any sexual problems or difficulties not listed in a specific section.
User avatar
reillyj
Queen bed
Posts: 147
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 5:53 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 7th, 1981
Gender: Female

Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby reillyj » Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:02 pm

I've always kind of hurried sex along because of the difference of length of time it takes me to O (nowadays, anyway, argggh). He has assured me that he doesn't mind the time but i have the mind of a woman :roll: and just cannot HELP but start to tense up and want to rush things, i feel so odd laying there while my H is pleasuring me. Being a woman, i have to sometimes stop everything to concentrate really hard--maybe that's what a lot of men interpret as lack of enthusiasm or disinterest but not so... i've tried to take deep breaths and just relax but it doesn't seem like i can overcome this hurdle.

Also another one to overcome..i bought a small vibrator (finger held) as because of hormones and age, i am needing more clitoral stimulation and he has asked several times to use it on me (kind of shocking because he took it personally when i first bought it, i told him he needs viagra, well..i need something, also) and i am finding it hard to say yes to that. Good grief, what the mind does to sex...

Anyway, do you husbands find yourself getting a bit irritated inside on how long it takes your wife to O? I have to find some way to mentally overcome this and relax my body. I've overcome A LOT in that i was badly abused as a child (sexually) and i was able to O with my husband 99% of the time and easily, when i was younger. i told myself i'm not being robbed of the pleasure of sex with my husband but it hasn't translated into the length of time it takes now and the way i have to just lay there (when he's specifically pleasuring me, i certainly pleasure him in all ways) and concentrate.

marriedandlovingit
Queen bed
Posts: 151
Joined: Sat Mar 23, 2013 12:34 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 29th, 2006
Gender: Male

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby marriedandlovingit » Sun Feb 04, 2018 8:53 pm

Short answer, No. I don't mind when my wife takes a long time (which is often).

If it does take very long time, I find I can begin to feel fatigue on my hand or mouth. I just buck up and finish the job. I do NOT want her to get tense or worried about me. What I WANT is to help her enjoy herself. I have told her several times that if she is having a hard time, it's okay. She should feel free to relax and enjoy herself. When she finally gets there, I feel pleased with myself. 8) Hey, even I take a long time sometimes. I figure what comes around goes around. :D
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: ... Hebrews 13:4 KJV

ledgemoor
Under the stars
Posts: 3096
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 7:31 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 3rd, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:09 pm

I don't mind at all. I enjoy the whole process--playing with her girl parts and looking at them, and experience the changes her body goes thru as she gets more and more aroused. Up to a point, the longer she takes the better her orgasm(s) is/are.

She gets frustrated sometimes, but is learning to relax and enjoy the journey. If an orgasm doesn't happen for her, I don't want her to feel that it was a waste of effort for either of us. Orgasms last a minute or so. As wonderful as they are, they shouldn't prevent us from enjoying the rest of what might be an hour or more. Plus I need sex more often than she does, so that evens things out.

We'll take a pee break or two, and that gives my finger and mouth a chance to rest :-).
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

User avatar
reillyj
Queen bed
Posts: 147
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 5:53 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 7th, 1981
Gender: Female

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby reillyj » Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:25 pm

Thank you both for weighing in, that's good to know.

I agree with enjoying the journey and the process, my desire and libido were off the charts this Summer/Fall as i've written before, well now (despite pleading with God) it's back to normal but i've taken lessons from it (and from my H's ED) and that is exactly that, to just enjoy sex and everything that it is and to have YES as a default. So many lessons learned but boy do i wish i could take a pill and have all that back. HRT just about killed me in every way but the libido part. I'm on BHRT now and so much better for my mind but not so much for the libido. (Estrogen tested pretty darn high but certainly didn't hurt the sex drive. Testosterone is very good. Progesterone is ok) I'm on just progesterone cream now. I'll TRY VERY HARD to relax, maybe i'll just have to give in to the vibrator :D

doug-h
Fell out of ...
Posts: 1424
Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2015 5:11 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 20th, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby doug-h » Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:46 pm

I really dont mind if my wife takes awhile. It does tend to be frustrating if I am not getting any guidance if things are taking awhile.

I would have to say that if time is an issue for you, then by all means, start experimenting with the vibe. Maybe solo at first to figure out what works best.

User avatar
Drob
King bed
Posts: 269
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2015 4:49 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): March 30th, 1991
Gender: Male
Location: Florida

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby Drob » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:48 am

Absolutely not, it prolongs the loving and increases the anticipation.

Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk

User avatar
Job29Man
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain.
Posts: 8265
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2006 3:52 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 2nd, 1980
Gender: Male
Location: Hobby Farm, USA

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby Job29Man » Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:54 am

As Sarah matures, her body is not as responsive as it used to be. Things take longer. I don't mind. That's all part of the "in sickness and in health, for better or worse, till death us do part" thing.
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

alaska bob
King bed
Posts: 671
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 8:06 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 7th, 1990
Gender: Male

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby alaska bob » Mon Feb 05, 2018 8:43 am

if it takes 5 minutes or 50 minutes, it is the best 5 or 50 minutes of my day, week, month, etc. The time it takes is only a concern if you were doing while PIV, and that is really just a practical issue. I'd never make it 50 minutes.

User avatar
SquarePants
California King
Posts: 896
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2011 8:31 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): December 10th, 2005
Gender: Male

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby SquarePants » Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:25 am

What kind of guy would complain about that? Sign me up! Both of us tend to take longer these days. We don’t worry about trying to hurry with a massage, and it’s the same way with this. She has a Hitachi magic wand and and some other toys which we use in creative and fun ways.
Last edited by SquarePants on Mon Feb 05, 2018 1:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

marriedandlovingit
Queen bed
Posts: 151
Joined: Sat Mar 23, 2013 12:34 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 29th, 2006
Gender: Male

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby marriedandlovingit » Mon Feb 05, 2018 1:03 pm

alaska bob wrote:if it takes 5 minutes or 50 minutes, it is the best 5 or 50 minutes of my day, week, month, etc. The time it takes is only a concern if you were doing while PIV, and that is really just a practical issue. I'd never make it 50 minutes.


Amen, Brother. :roll:
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: ... Hebrews 13:4 KJV

User avatar
JEM0121
Queen bed
Posts: 136
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 11:40 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 18th, 1999
Gender: Female

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby JEM0121 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 5:36 pm

This is something I think about more and more lately. It almost feels like OVERNIGHT it became harder for me. :( My desire is WAY UP but the trade off is that it's harder to O nowadays. :(

I feel myself almost watching the clock in a sense, not because I want it to be over, but because I start to feel self conscious because of the time it's taking, When we have used help to get me there, it's usually pretty quick. But many many times I'd rather take the time and not need assistance. But I notice how long its been and worry I won't O and end up taking the "easy way out". I am with you on the mental hurdles. It is one that is very very hard for me to get over. It used to be sooo easy for me, I often worry that DH is getting bored, tired, or thinks that he's the reason it takes me so long. :(

ledgemoor
Under the stars
Posts: 3096
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 7:31 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 3rd, 1982
Gender: Male

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby ledgemoor » Tue Feb 06, 2018 1:32 pm

Is it harder, or just taking longer? How are the orgasms when you finally have them? If you still have great orgasms, but require twice as much pleasuring to get there, you could look at that as a plus :D.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

User avatar
reillyj
Queen bed
Posts: 147
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 5:53 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 7th, 1981
Gender: Female

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Postby reillyj » Tue Feb 06, 2018 3:05 pm

Mine was like that.... because of HRT.

Libido shot through the roof, LM'ing felt exquisite from the very second but the O wasn't the huge contraction like it used to be...just...wasn't. Nothing you can do about it.

Now that my libido is normal, sex went back to usual (probably normal for women) takes a while to feel really pleasurable and builds into usually a nice O. I think i'd rather prefer the former but like i said, ain't no magic fix for that.


Return to “Other Sexual Changes, Challenges & Difficulties”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users