sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Aging brings changes - some good, some not so much.

sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50's

Postby referendum » Fri Apr 10, 2009 5:24 pm

Greetings all and God bless. I'm a frequent lurker but thought I'd surface here on the forums. I believe DW and I have a good marriage. Sexually our general pattern is every other day (a sort of compromise that we have worked out). We've been like this for most of our 15 year marriage (I'm now 42 and she is 39). What I'm wondering is in general do men who have a solid marriage and a solid sexual relationship with their wives generally experience a slow down in desire and libido once they start getting into their 40's. I'd like to hear from men over 45 or so who are in this situation. Does a decline set in? How much? Does your wife lose interest as well?
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Postby Mr. Rkt » Fri Apr 10, 2009 5:31 pm

I'm 46 and my wife is 43 (Today! Today is Mrs. Rkt's birthday!)

I would say that we experienced a peak in sexual desire in our 40's. It reached a peak about 2 years ago, and has remained at that peak. I would say that today we average 5 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. When we recognized what was happening, we also got physically fit, which made it all much easier.
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Postby tractor » Fri Apr 10, 2009 5:44 pm

I am 51 and my wife is 50. I think my desire is probably almost as much as it was in my 40's. I maybe a little more accepting when she says no. I think hers is slowly increasing.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby Gemma » Fri Apr 10, 2009 6:04 pm

referendum wrote: ... do men who have a solid marriage and a solid sexual relationship with their wives generally experience a slow down in desire and libido once they start getting into their 40's. I'd like to hear from men over 45 or so who are in this situation. Does a decline set in?


No slow down here. Dh's almost 60. I'm in my early 50's. Both of us enjoy having sex daily, sometimes twice a day.
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Postby Luv2LuvHer » Fri Apr 10, 2009 6:15 pm

Before we got a few things made right in our relationship it was 1-2x a week and now it's 3-4x a week. TMB has been a great help for us. Oh we are both 53. Our 50's have been way more satisfying than our 30's and 40's.
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Postby lovinmyman » Fri Apr 10, 2009 7:00 pm

Dh is 45, I am 40. His libido has dramatically declined the last 4-5 years. Mine increased in my late 30's. I could easily have sex daily; Dh is content with 2-3 times a week.
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Postby Pablo » Fri Apr 10, 2009 10:35 pm

I don't know if TMB is a good place for a representative sample. It is composed of people interested enough in sex to read and post messages on the topic. So it is likely that higher sex drive people are here to share their experiences or to seek out help for encouraging a spouse with a lower sex drive to increase their sex drive. There are also people here who appreciate sex but have experienced a drop in sex drive.

So I don't know if the board is typical. That doesn't mean it isn't a good resource.
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Postby zookie » Fri Apr 10, 2009 11:21 pm

My sex life exploded once I turned 40 for a number of reasons.
My husband is closer to 50 than 40 and his drive has not decreased one iota from when I met him when he was 26 years old.
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Postby mamame » Sat Apr 11, 2009 3:47 am

My DH is in his 40's now and we are having the best sex of our lives. I sure hope it continues.
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Postby JOJO » Sat Apr 11, 2009 3:53 am

Iam 53 DW is 48. My drive has remained constant she still has little interest. Thus far no increase for her as others have experienced.
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Postby Shipguy » Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:13 am

50 each. Desire on both our parts is for just about every day. I'd be happy with every other day. Reality is a tad less.
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Postby thebigfish » Sat Apr 11, 2009 6:27 am

I'm almost 56, DW 53. Last year we were 3-4 times a week. However, DW's work schedule has increased with her job promotion and due to time constraints and tiredness we are down to 2 times a week. We would both desire more but it ain't happenin' at the present time. I'd probably be interested in twice a day if I could have it. We do that sometimes when we're on vacation.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby M&K1980 » Sat Apr 11, 2009 6:37 am

Gemma wrote:
referendum wrote: ... do men who have a solid marriage and a solid sexual relationship with their wives generally experience a slow down in desire and libido once they start getting into their 40's. I'd like to hear from men over 45 or so who are in this situation. Does a decline set in?


No slow down here. Dh's almost 60. I'm in my early 50's. Both of us enjoy having sex daily, sometimes twice a day.


Same here except we are both just under 50. Mine was high when we were first married (28yrs ago) but it dropped after about 8 years. Some of the drop was due to porn and work (60+ hrs a week for over 10 years) and that caused a great amount of stress in our marriage. Our marriage is stronger than every now and both of our libido is higher than ever.
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Postby GrantUsGrace » Sat Apr 11, 2009 8:42 am

DW and I are both in our early 50's.

I had a much more urgent, physical need for sex in my 20's, to be sure, but for the last couple of decades my desire has had much more to do with the quality of our relationship than with my age. I think DW would say the same for herself.

If you want your interest in sex to continue, you have to keep it interesting. ::duh That means that you and DW must open up. David Schnarch, in Passionate Marriage, points out that couples in their 40's, 50's and 60's have a much easier time opening up than younger folks, and as a result can have "some of the best sex of their lives." He puts it something like this (from the CD version of the book):

"It's true that males' sexual peak, physically speaking, is when they're about 17 years old, and females perhaps a decade later. If you're into pole-vaulting, you're not going to do better than a 17-year-old boy. But if you want intimacy, you want a man who's in his 40's, 50's, or beyond. A 17-year-old boy is not going to let you look him in the eye during sex because you might figure out who he is before he does. By the time a man is 50, he might even tolerate an equal in bed. He might let his wife hold him. And a 50-year-old woman no longer feels a need to apologize for her eroticism. She can admit to herself that she likes sex for sex's sake, as well as for love."

DW and I may not have sex as frequently as when we were first married, but we are having better sex, and I think that bodes well for the future.
Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. -- Jonah 2:8
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Postby Beloved Rose » Sat Apr 11, 2009 8:52 am

I'm just a young'un here (24 next month) but from reading these responses my guess is going to be that sex drive has more to do with natural personal preference, lifestyle, circumstances, and stress levels than age. Age and state of physical health probably do factor in at some point but are likely far less relevant than other factors.

As an aside, I am turning 24 and my hubby is 27. We both have fairly high natural sex drives (probably daily or every other day...certainly no less than every 2 days) and during relatively care-free times this is what it seems to average out to. But this past year has been very stressful and busy for us, and we anticipate this particular time in life lasting another year, since DH is in school. So on a more regular basis it ends up looking more like once a week. We're both tired usually from school and work, dealing with some level of financial stress, and our time together is limited. We see each other for just a little bit on weekday evenings before falling into bed (don't usually get dinner together) and on the weekends we're just plain tired! So we're doing pretty well if we get some in a couple of times during the weekend, once is more typical. Add to that now, that I am in my first trimester of pregnancy, and usually feeling pretty miserable, which means my libido is slashed to about a third of what it normally is even under stress. Poor hubby.

So...this is in an example where we are both young, healthy, and have naturally high libido, but circumstances seem to impact it quite a bit. I'd guess that that would hold true for pretty much any age range.
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Postby mmapags » Sat Apr 11, 2009 9:17 am

I turn 58 in a month and while my drive isn't what it was in my 20s I don't really notice much slowdown and definitly no perceptible difference from my 40s.
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Re: sexual activity of married couples in their 40's and 50'

Postby 1956Vintage » Sun Apr 12, 2009 6:00 am

[quote="referendum"]... a slow down in desire and libido once they start getting into their 40's... [/quote]

Well, in general, the wheels fell off for me at 45 ::cb

Not as much drop in desire as ability. I was surprised that my testosterone was low, so my Dr. started me on HRT. Be warned: there are side effects!!! However, it made a big difference in my energy level, but I was still moving in slow motion. Then, he found my thyroid was low (not a surprise, as it can be hereditary from your mother, as mine is). Going on levothyroxine REALLY made a big difference. Still, I have to use Cialis to be certain I can 'perform'.

If you haven't already had a full blood work-up, make sure you do at your next physical, and ask specifically about thyroid and testosterone. I would advise that if your testosterone is low that you ask for and get a referral to an endocrinologist, as there are some possible therapies besides HRT that may work, without the side effect.
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Postby HerKnight » Sun Apr 12, 2009 10:59 am

GrantUsGrace wrote:I had a much more urgent, physical need for sex in my 20's, to be sure, but for the last couple of decades my desire has had much more to do with the quality of our relationship than with my age. I think DW would say the same for herself.

DW and I are late 50s and our physical intimacy has never been better. But GUG has noted something extremely important - it is the quality of your overall relational intimacy that will be the most significant governing factor.

Yes, can & will bring some physical issues, as Vintage testifies to. But the degree to which you not only enjoy greater frequency but richer, more meaningful sexual intimacy [note that I did not say just intercourse], is rooted in both spouses seeking a deeper, richer total relationship.
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Postby sbird » Mon Apr 13, 2009 3:39 am

My DW and I both just entered the 40’s realm. Our sex is more enjoyable and pleasurable than ever before! The only problem is how often we get to do it. Its not because we don’t want too. Its just at this stage in our lives, with our children and all theirs and our extracurricular activities, finding the time to do it is the only down side. But when we get the opportunity to have sex, we do some of the most awesome things!!!
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when I was in my 40s and 50s

Postby kupplekansas » Mon Apr 13, 2009 3:50 am

I'm 60ish now - male.

When I was in my 40's it was about every other night.

50's slowed down - maybe 2x week.

60 really slowed down after an increase for a short period - now its 1 a week or 5 or or so times a month.

Him.
Last edited by kupplekansas on Thu May 28, 2009 6:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
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