For Parents: What Age Do You Talk About Sex With Your Kids
Kilarin wrote:Satan is getting his view of sex out to our children. It's in the music they listen to, the video games they play, the shows they watch on TV, and it's constantly surrounding them whenever they are on the internet.
You may be trying to protect your children from these influences, But Satan's views about sex are broadcast to your kids on billboards as you drive down the street, they see it advertised on the clothing worn by people they pass in the store, and they hear it from their friends and peers. No matter how carefully you think you have isolated them, the odds are that your kids have gotten a full dose of what Satan wants them to hear about how sex should work.
I think God's side should get equal time.
God invented sex. Sex is private, but it is NOT shameful. We should be no more ashamed to tell our children about God's rules about sex than we should be to tell them about God's rules about theft or loving your neighbor.
And it is more important now than ever that they get this information at a young age. Before the days of the internet, the average age at which children were first exposed to pornography was 11. That number is scary all by itself, but that was in the good old days. Things are worse now. Now, the average age at which our children are first exposed to pornography is 8 years old. EIGHT years old, and the porn they can run into now is far worse and even more degrading than the old playboy centerfolds.
Now, more than ever, our children need to understand God's plan for sex, and they need to understand it at a young age so that when Satan confronts them with these issues, and he WILL, they will have the knowledge and tools they need in order to make a GOOD decision, the right decisions that will protect them now, and in the future.
My son is 17 now, but when he was just a tiny tot my wife and I were quite blunt with him about WHY he is to knock and wait for permission before he enters Mommy and Daddy's bedroom. We might be having sex. The door should be locked in that case, but accidents happen, and all parties concerned will be happier if he knocks. With this rule he learned several things:
1: Mommy and Daddy HAVE sex, and that's not only ok for married people to do, it's GOOD.
2: Sex isn't wrong, but it IS private. It's inappropriate (and rude) to watch others having sex.
We've made certain that our son has accurate and factual information about the specifics of sex and sexuality from an early age. He needs to understand sexuality well enough to realize that it is inappropriate for anyone else to be touching his genitals. And he needs to know WHY it's inappropriate. We watch over him closely, but you can never be with your child 100% of the time. If my son was approached by another kid, or worse yet by an adult, who wants to play "doctor", his BEST defense is accurate information. It's much harder to trick someone into doing something wrong when the victim understands what you are doing.
Back when he was 8 he came into my office and caught me with his Mommy snuggling in my lap. There was no horrified look on his face, no panic or shock. He gave a polite, "Oh, excuse me", and backed out.
I called out "The door wasn't shut, and we're just snuggling". Whereupon he said, "Oh! alright then!" and came running back in with a big grin on his face and jumped on top of both of us. Ooof! So he could get his share of the hugging.
It seems to me that that is a healthy respect for a married couples need for privacy, without it evolving into a prurient interest in the details of his parents love life. He understands that married couples have sex, that they ENJOY it, that God meant for them to enjoy it, and that it's something meant to be strictly between them, and not to involve anyone else. And now that he is a teenager, right on the edge of adulthood, I HOPE that's an attitude that will help lead him safely through dating and on into a happy married love life himself some day.
Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Applies JUST as much to sex, as it does to any other aspect of the Christian life. Our kids NEED accurate and Godly information about sex, and parents and church should NOT be ashamed to discuss sex around them.