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Your Best Take-Away's

Self image, being intentional, sexual awakening, nudity, modesty limits, likes/dislikes, sex language
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Brynna
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by Brynna »

My best takeaways....

1. Learning that I was a gatekeeper, which came from reading some husbands" feelings on the first TMB board.

2. Reading about responsive desire

3. Learning that sex is adult playtime and not just a routine like brushing your teeth

4. Thanks to people's willingness to be open, we have learned to be much more open in teaching our children. Also, it's so much easier to have discussions with friends, and it's been interesting in getting their perspectives on sex and how well it's been taught.

5. Its also been wonderful learning to know how men really think. My DH isn't a man of many words, but I feel I have gotten a much better understanding of the male brain. Just reading other husbands' thoughts and feelings has been an eye opener many times. DH thinks like that too, but many times he says he can't put into words how he feels.

6. It's also been a great relief to find out that I am not broken, and that female sexuality does look different than men's and that neither of us are weird or broken. It's been such a nice thing to embrace. I literally felt a weight fall from me when I learned that I didn't have to be like my DH when it came to sex. We are just wired differently.
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Violet
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by Violet »

mkzv wrote: Sat Apr 24, 2021 1:00 pm Hi,
Over the time that you've been here what were some of your best takeaways?
What I mean is that you read about some position/attitude/approach/toy/etc., something that you have not tried before in your MB or relationship. You took it, tried it and it worked really well. It could be one thing or many.
My best takeaway that has had extremely positive outcomes for our marriage was all the awakening posts (is that still a thing in this iteration of forums?). My takeaway at the time was that I could overcome my fear of rejection. I realized I was hurting DH and our marriage by allowing fear to keep me cold and not initiating.

The next best is definitely coconut oil. That opened up a whole new world. ;)

The third best is the role of lingerie (again from the original forum).
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EECOM
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by EECOM »

Probably just to be more grateful for what my wife and I have together, considering the struggles I read about here. We definitely have struggles, but they are usually with outside factors like health, kids, work, finances, etc., and not relationship dysfunction.
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mkzv
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by mkzv »

I want to echo what others said and add some of mine.

1. That we are not alone, so simple yet so helpful. I use to look at other couples who appear as though they have everything together, seem like a perfect couple. I would imagine that no one probably has the struggles we have or I personally have. I was very relieved by reading posts here that it's not true.

2. Learning more about how women think about and approach sex differently, helped me better understand DW.

3. Ability to ask questions here and receive answers. I still think there should be a place and environment in the church context where questions like the ones discussed here should have a place where they can be discussed. How it should look and where, I don't know, but I believe as Christians we should be able to help each other not in just physical and spiritual questions of life, but also in sexual questions.

4. I don't know who posted, but the date night questions were extremely helpful to start and have so many good discussions with DW that I would not come up with on my own. Thank you to whoever posted those (it was a while back) If someone can find them please add them here.

I'm glad to be here, thank you.
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hastentheday
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by hastentheday »

mkzv wrote: Thu Apr 29, 2021 4:25 pm
4. I don't know who posted, but the date night questions were extremely helpful to start and have so many good discussions with DW that I would not come up with on my own. Thank you to whoever posted those (it was a while back) If someone can find them please add them here.

I'm glad to be here, thank you.
Not sure exactly what you are looking for, but I have two links for you. The first set is more basic getting to know each other questions while the second set is pretty intense sex questions. I can link more but these I found right away:

https://theromanticvineyard.com/date-night-questions/

https://lovehopeadventure.com/couples-t ... room-game/

I'm adding one more since some couples swear by this app. Even though I have not used this one ever, it does advertise that it has a section called "conversation starters" which might be something that you could use.

https://ultimateintimacy.com/
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Tracker
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by Tracker »

In some respects that my needs and desires may never matter ever and are possibly meaningless in the scheme of things! It is all about serving Christ and your spouce from my reading! Everything else is likely not a priority it does appear! Very disappointing or can be depending on the relationship!
Last edited by Tracker on Tue May 04, 2021 6:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
Tracker
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by Tracker »

Ah latest thoughts on take aways. That both have self awareness! Of themselves and their spouce and whether their actions are commensurate with a marriage relationship!
Last edited by Tracker on Tue May 04, 2021 6:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by newwifenewlife »

mkzv wrote: Thu Apr 29, 2021 4:25 pm 4. I don't know who posted, but the date night questions were extremely helpful to start and have so many good discussions with DW that I would not come up with on my own. Thank you to whoever posted those (it was a while back) If someone can find them please add them here.
1. INTIMACY US app
2. ULTIMATE INTIMACY app
3. OUR MOMENTS (couples edition) is a deck of cards with questions. Take a few and go on a date or just sit and answer a few of them.
4. Topical internet options are an easy search away. Cull from various places and copy & paste away a sheet. Print them off, cut them into strips and place in a jar to answer a few on trips and date nights.
Lorelei
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by Lorelei »

newwifenewlife wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 1:26 pm
mkzv wrote: Thu Apr 29, 2021 4:25 pm 4. I don't know who posted, but the date night questions were extremely helpful to start and have so many good discussions with DW that I would not come up with on my own. Thank you to whoever posted those (it was a while back) If someone can find them please add them here.
1. INTIMACY US app
2. ULTIMATE INTIMACY app
3. OUR MOMENTS (couples edition) is a deck of cards with questions. Take a few and go on a date or just sit and answer a few of them.
4. Topical internet options are an easy search away. Cull from various places and copy & paste away a sheet. Print them off, cut them into strips and place in a jar to answer a few on trips and date nights.
Lori Byerly has some questions on her blog too -

https://www.the-generous-wife.com/wp-co ... stions.pdf
Lorelei
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Link+Zelda
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Re: Your Best Take-Away's

Post by Link+Zelda »

Some of the takeaways that I've had from TMB:
  • Many/most/all couples have problems crop up in their marriage bed. Working through them should be the goal rather than burying them.
  • "Normal" covers a very broad range in most aspects of sex. That includes sex drive, frequency, position preferences, past experiences, and aversion to certain activities.
  • Churches in most of the U.S. still seem to have blind spots about sex in marriage and don't address it enough.
  • Many people are ashamed/embarrassed about sex and struggle to talk/open up about it.
  • Vibrators and other sex toys are more common than I thought.
  • People online in a forum like this have most/all of the shortcomings and blindspots that you see people have in real life. We're all sinners.
  • What you get out of TMB is often proportional to what you're willing to put into it. That means accepting risk and putting yourself out there can lead to huge benefits. This ended up last on the list, but honestly it may be the most important IMO.
-Link+Zelda
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