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Nobody home

Any sexual problems or difficulties not listed in a specific section.
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djmur
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Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 11:47 am

Nobody home

Post by djmur »

My spouse feels anxious/uncomfortable having sex while other people are in the house. Could be the kids or it could be us being out town such as staying with the in laws. This cuts our sex opportunities way down.

For me it’s as simple as putting a movie on for the kids well out of earshot and locking the bedroom door. Or doing it in a place and time that are appropriate to the circumstances.

I accept it. I just don’t like it and want my voice to be heard.
Irnmyk
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Re: Nobody home

Post by Irnmyk »

djmur wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 12:23 pm My spouse feels anxious/uncomfortable having sex while other people are in the house.

I accept it. I just don’t like it and want my voice to be heard.
Are you wanting us to hear it, or to figure out how to communicate your concerns to her?

My DW is largely that way, but, it doesn't mean the denial of sex, just the diminishment of it. She just won't get into the "swinging from the rafters, wall rattling" stuff that she will when we have no guests in the house.

If she even thinks that we have neighbors at a hotel, she is kind of the same way - not that we don't engage, just that it is more subdued. (She is the only noisy one.)

But, some of the most memorable sex that we've had was across the wall from her parents at their house, so it can be done if worked at and done right.

Have you and your DW discussed this re: guidelines, restrictions, what is permitted, what are the workarounds, etc?
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hastentheday
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Joined: Mon Feb 01, 2021 7:33 pm

Re: Nobody home

Post by hastentheday »

My personal opinion on this: some people are just much more private than others, it could be as simple as that. Communication about this at a time other than when doing it will help peel back her thinking on this and help your voice to be heard. This could be the impetus to better communication between the two of you which is critical to a successful marriage.
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
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newwifenewlife
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Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am
Location: Place colder than I want to be

Re: Nobody home

Post by newwifenewlife »

Irnmyk wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 1:04 pm
djmur wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 12:23 pm My spouse feels anxious/uncomfortable having sex while other people are in the house.

I accept it. I just don’t like it and want my voice to be heard.
Are you wanting us to hear it, or to figure out how to communicate your concerns to her?
Great question Irnmyk.

@djmur - Are you venting or asking for input? If you want to be heard at least here, glad you shared and there are others here who have the same situation.

IF you have NOT communicated to your wife how you feel AND asked enough good questions so you fully understand her feelings and what is behind her thought, then you've got some work to do. You make a great point to be heard, if that means have it your way, welcome to life because sometimes it doesn't happen. If that means, you don't feel heard and understood, then again, you have some work to do in the communication area.

My wife likes to turn a fan on, not only for sleep, but to drown out noise while making love. I think she also thinks they won't hear as much but I don't buy that. HOWEVER, a strong fan (I love WindTunnels) will generate enough white noise to eliminate many distractions. DW also would prefer not to have a "raucous romp" at her house, especially when her parents bedroom is below her old one. We've worked out something where there's usually some "just for me" activities so we might do something in the the bathroom, a quickie when others are not around, or in a bedroom in less noisy positions or OS or an HJ. Sometimes it is enough and I enjoy just being naked and cuddling, kissing and caressing (probably a little easier to enjoy when one is older) for sexual connection without the sex.
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