We have sections you must join to use. You can see the full list here. Most you can join with a click. The medical and pastoral groups require approval.
Note, some groups were not accepting new members properly. That is fixed.
Post in this section can be seen by guests and search engines.
Second, know that Board traffic slows down towards the weekends and especially in summer, so that's why this has sat without a reply for this time.
Third, there are those who will ultimately see this and hopefully respond that are way more qualified than me to respond to a couple of issues that you raise here.
Not knowing how much rummaging around on the site you have been able to do yet, there are a lot of threads that deal with (A) your porn question, and (B) your DW's responsiveness. Here is a good starting point if you haven't seen it yet for (B):
My comment about porn is that it is all fake. It is my view that anyone knowingly engaged in sex in front of a camera is panning for the camera to some degree, and in the case of a lot of it, to the utmost degree - not real world stuff.
That doesn't mean that some of what you see there that is film fakery isn't discussed on this site and engaged in by our members. The difference is that what is discussed here is based in Christian principles and Biblical teachings by people who have named Jesus Christ as their Lord.
That brings us to you and your DW. Your statement about your son tells me that you are in the middle of child rearing years. Talk about a "brake". A woman's mind tuned to a child or children is a "brake" if there is a brake. The concern about the potential for additional pregnancies can also be a "brake". Except for the part about turning to porn, I might could have written your post fifteen years in to our marriage. I lived through all that and survived to have 3X your years of a good marriage.
Is your DW open to discussing how to work with your family and work situation to make the sexual aspect of it to be the best that it can be? If so, there should be plenty of help here to get you started with some conversation. If not - she won't even talk about it - then that is a problem that you will find others here expressing as well.
I'll stop and let knowledgeable people weigh in here when they make it to the board.
I used to read the site and had read everything up to a point. At some point I realized my bedroom is not going to change, and I will be happier if I focus on what I've got and not what everyone else has. With the exception of my post above I've been pretty successful with that.
I'll consider introducing myself. I'm a little shocked with myself for posting. I actually looked for a delete button after I did.
- Posts: 5074
- Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2020 8:45 pm
- Location: All I know is I'm not home yet
I know this sounds like a cliché answer, but if we are a believer, we have to remember who we are living for first and our ultimate purpose is for His glory. It's really not about your wife, it's about your relationship with the Lord.
I just recently heard this simple, but profound true statement....It's easier to say "yes" to Jesus than to continually say "no" to the flesh."
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
Consider this: is porn a problem, or is it a symptom?
Lastly, I challenge you to find a place where you aren't distracted by work. Stand up, take several deep breaths, and then sit back down. Close your eyes and visualize what your ideal evening looks like. Pay attention to how you are feeling when you visualize that. Remember that feeling, and take that feeling with you when you next discuss your frustration with your workload with your wife.
Your life will be what you make of it. No "ism" has the power to make you live in a way that makes you so unhappy that you are denying your moral compass in order to fill a void.
I will pray for you.
- Under the stars
- Posts: 2778
- Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am
- Location: Place colder than I want to be
What looks so attractive that you’re doing what you know is false and not helpful and substituting a 2 dimensional false image and fantasy for real world living? In other words, shared from a book I’m reading by Craig Groeschel, “what lies are you believing?” and “What wrong thought pattern robs you of a living a life of freedom and joy?”
You cannot defeat what you cannot define. What lie has become a stronghold for you? What and why are you substituting work and stuff for a loving and fulfilling relationship? It is certainly easier to work than to be completely vulnerable, real and intimate with another human. It can even be less complicated that trying to learn to get along and cooperate. It just seems as DG pointed out, you say some pretty interesting things that seems confusing and incongruent and like DG, makes me wonder what both of you might be trying to avoid in your marriage.
Dovegrey is exactly right as well about setting up life to fail. My wife and I are trying to get better work/life balance going for us as well as our son. I'm also making the best efforts to make scripture, prayer, and worship a regular part of my life. I would say it is an overall problem and isolating one problem is not going to fix anything. Newwifenewlife, I have also worked more because I wasn't overly joyed about being home. I've had time of a lot of bitterness in my heart and my wife has faithfully waited through it. Now that I'm seeing priorities right, things are the best they have ever been and I still haven't completely reduced my work obligations to reasonable.
You guys are very perceptive! I've had a good week, and I'm better able to look at the big picture now instead of focusing on the evidence of my failure.