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How far is too far when single?

Where are the limits? What’s “okay” but dangerous?
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wakawaka321
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How far is too far when single?

Post by wakawaka321 »

I'm very inexperinced when it comes to dating. Don't get me wrong I'm comfortable around women but ive never been real great at dating and realtionships. Most people just don't really interest me that way. That said I feel like I have a huge sex drive and it drives me insane sometimes. Sometimes I just want to let loose, if not in person than at least online be it flirty cybersex or porn or whatever. I can be so frustrating that I have this totally normal desire for intimacy but absolutely nothing I can do with it until I'm lucky enough to find someone to marry.
Last edited by Link+Zelda on Tue Feb 09, 2021 1:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Fixed typo in title.
hoosier52
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Re: How far is to far when single?

Post by hoosier52 »

You won't regret waiting. After years of ministry I have never met a married couple who said, "I wish we hadn't kept ourselves pure." I've met lots of couples who regretted not keeping themselves pure.

May I suggest that you take a look at Dr. S.M. Davis' video on Courtship and Marriage. He will give you the Biblical perspective on everything you are talking about.

Focus on developing yourself into being the best man that a godly woman could marry. Prep yourself and that may be when God brings the right lady into your life.
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hastentheday
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Re: How far is to far when single?

Post by hastentheday »

wakawaka321 wrote: Mon Feb 08, 2021 10:17 pm I'm very inexperinced when it comes to dating. Don't get me wrong I'm comfortable around women but ive never been real great at dating and realtionships. Most people just don't really interest me that way. That said I feel like I have a huge sex drive and it drives me insane sometimes. Sometimes I just want to let loose, if not in person than at least online be it flirty cybersex or porn or whatever. I can be so frustrating that I have this totally normal desire for intimacy but absolutely nothing I can do with it until I'm lucky enough to find someone to marry.
I am probably not worthy of giving advice as I'm still dealing with a huge mistake in my own marriage that recently spilled over publicly into this forum, but DW and I will work through it because we both believe in the promises and forgiveness of God and what that means for EVERY aspect of our marriage. So, my best advice, take it or leave it, is to be careful who you date as dating sometimes leads to marriage. I shudder to think what life would be like if DW and I were not committed to God in our lives and in our marriage. Not only for this current issue, but all of life previously and that yet to come. I have done a lot of stupid things in my life but this is one of the smartest choices I ever made was to date and marry a committed follower of Jesus Christ. This advice is probably controversial and old fashioned nowadays but it's actually a command in the the Word of God: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14)
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
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Beccaloo
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Re: How far is to far when single?

Post by Beccaloo »

I have explained to my kids that with each step you take, you leave a part of you with that person that you never get back.
Holding hands, first kiss, touching, OS, sex, etc.
I remember my first boyfriend & how his hand crept up to mine the first time we held hands.
Next boyfriend and my first kiss & where I was when it happened. How the world seemed to stop & stand still.
An emotional connection was formed with each step I took. I went farther because holding hands is really nice and kissing is so good. The steps just add on, but each of these is so much better within the security of marriage.
I just wish each of those steps had been with my DH.

My DH travels & is gone for months, so in many ways I am single without an outlet as well. It is true that it's hard to silence those desires, especially at certain times of the month. And yes, girls have equal struggles in this area but it's less talked about.

I have had to be more intentional with planning how to head them off instead of waiting for them to happen. Think meal planning instead of waiting for hunger to hit before deciding what to eat.
I find that lifting weights really helps to use up that energy & divert thoughts into a useful direction. I have even got on the treadmill at midnight just to become tired enough to fall asleep faster.

The benefits for you could be even more since you're a guy & having testosterone makes building muscle much easier males. If you want suggestions for exercises you can do quietly in your room I'd be happy to help.
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Twue_Wuv
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Re: How far is to far when single?

Post by Twue_Wuv »

My personal opinion:

Holding hands and kissing is ok. Be careful with kissing though. Heavy make-out sessions can lead to the other things I listed.

Petting, light & heavy, manual sex, oral sex are not ok.
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
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WirelessRouter
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Re: How far is to far when single?

Post by WirelessRouter »

Beccaloo wrote: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:42 am The benefits for you could be even more since you're a guy.
Including, but not limited to, being more attractive to women. :D
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PaulB
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Re: How far is to far when single?

Post by PaulB »

This comes down to knowing ourselves.

When I was single, I didn't think open mouth kissing was wrong. However, I learned that when I did it, my hands tended to drift to her breasts almost on their own, and I though that was wrong. Even if I fought the urge to go for the breast, I was thinking about it. And once I got to her breasts, I wasn't going to stop unless she did.

So for me, open-mouth kissing was wrong because it took me where I should not go.

Now I ask people "If you were married, how would you feel about your husband doing that with another woman or your wife doing that with another man?" Yeah, that's a very hard line.

If found myself widowed and dating, closed mouth kissing would be my hard line, and that not until we were engaged.
Happily married for 36 years and living the good life near two of our grandsons!

Marriage and Sex Educator & Blogger
The Generous HusbandThe XY Code
wakawaka321
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Re: How far is too far when single?

Post by wakawaka321 »

Thanks for everyone here , you have given me a lot of to think about and , given how long its been ive posted, obviously i'm still thinking about it lol
Irnmyk
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Re: How far is too far when single?

Post by Irnmyk »

I hope that Prayer is part of your "processing" process, if you will forgive the double word use.
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