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Sex with the ex

For those who are divorced or widowed.
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WirelessRouter
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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by WirelessRouter »

You know, David, after re-reading what we've both wrote, I think I was reading an implication into your words when you actually didn't say anything about what I was thinking. *cringes at own behavior* So lemme ask this: what do you think of people remarrying someone other than their first spouse after divorce?
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Hiswifeagain
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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by Hiswifeagain »

DoveGrey wrote: Sat Feb 27, 2021 10:25 pm
@HisWifeAgain, I am so glad it worked out for you and your husband. I'm not sure I've said that yet, but I want you to know how much I admire you.
Awwhhh! Thank you! I believe you are correct about the remarriage issue. I was sort of thinking out loud on paper;)

I am so glad for second chances and a forgiving God who helped my dh forgive me so we could redeem what the locusts (my selfishness) ate. I accept full responsibility for my evil actions. I think it makes me even more thankful for having a Savior than if I hadn’t done such awful things. Strangely my dh considers himself responsible for what happened as well. He is a really good man!
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15
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Hiswifeagain
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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by Hiswifeagain »

@David,

Disregard my question about why you V say it would be unwise to remarry. I missed your post that directly preceded mine. :oops:
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15
LBD
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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by LBD »

David wrote:@LBD I think we need to read scripture in context. - I agree.

1 Corinthians 7 speaks of a different situation. What seems to have been happening in Corinth...(so you know that to be the case?) ... (it's possible that there was also some confusion as to whether a marriage contracted between pagans was still valid if they became Christians).
Paul is correcting that error by saying that if you're already married then you should remain that way, but that if you've fallen into error by separating then you shouldn't defile the marriage bed by remarrying another, and should seek to be reconciled to the original spouse.

I think that the prohibition of Deuteronomy 24 still holds
I don’t. We are no longer under the law of Moses. Period. There are some overlaps, but where those do occur, NT doctrine supersedes.


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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by Duchess »

David wrote: Sun Feb 28, 2021 8:51 am Scripture always and everywhere views marriage as a lifelong union of one man and one woman. Scripture seems to recognise two situations where it is legitimate to rupture that union - adultery and desertion by an unbelieving spouse.
This possibly helps us understand Jesus' words in Matthew 5 - by divorcing his wife a man is, in effect, telling the world that she's an adulteress and is therefore sinning against her if she's innocent. If she remarries, then the consummation of that marriage is technically adulterous because it defiles the first marriage bed.
Deuteronomy 24 makes it plain that if a man divorces his wife and she remarries, then he's not to take her back again. We are told that this is because, by taking a subsequent husband, the first marriage bed has been defiled.
But if she has not taken a subsequent husband, and he repents of his false accusation or she repents of her adultery or desertion, then what is defiled by restoring that which was broken by sin?
If there's no subsequent marriage to another, then it seems to me that it would be unwise for the couple to remarry because they've previously made a commitment to create a lifelong union and then ruptured that union and gone through a process to dissolve it, and so to create that union again shows a certain lack of sincerity and seriousness and to me makes a mockery of the lifelong commitment of marriage.
This just doesn't seem to account for repentance and grace. Even if they should then (God forbid!) stumble and fall in their walk and divorce again, if they sincerely repent afterward I believe God will forgive them because of Matthew 18, 21 & 22. I know sticking other relationships in there in between complicates the heck out of it, which is the real problem, because it is so rare that a couple would part ways so thoroughly without there being a third party involved somewhere.
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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by Duchess »

David wrote: Sun Feb 28, 2021 12:58 pm The problem as I see it is that in the marriage vows you promise to form a union that will last as long as you both live.
To get divorced, you demonstrate that the union has ruptured due to irreconcilable differences caused by either adultery, estrangement or unreasonable behaviour.
Or just that you made a sinful choice. Granted a pretty "big" one, but is it really any worse in value than choosing to gossip or to do any number of the sinful things we all continue to do until we are perfected in Jesus?
If you divorce and then reconcile leading to re-marriage, then the differences weren't irreconcilable. This would lead me to question whether the covenant of marriage was being treated with the appropriate seriousness and respect.
Maybe not. Probably not. But couldn't the desire to remarry be a sign of growth and greater maturity (more seriousness and greater respect)?
That's why I would question whether it is wise for a divorced couple to remarry each other, although as far as I can see it wouldn't be a sin for them to do so if neither has subsequently married a third party.
I can agree with you that it would be good to double check the wisdom of it with a lot of self-examination and checking for that growth and maturity, and I see you have said in the end that it wouldn't be an actual sin, so it seems we are on the same page after all! :)
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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by David »

@wireless router the subject of remarriage after divorce is a vexed one, and Christians disagree. I think that scripture suggests that if someone is divorced because their spouse committed adultery or deserted them, then that person is free to remarry. However, I'm less sure that the adulterer or deserter is free to marry. I'm not sure whether it's a matter of sin, but it certainly seems to be a matter of wisdom- again, the issue is that this person has broken their promise in the past, so are they sincere about keeping it this time?

@LBD I think it's simplistic to say that the Law of Moses no longer holds. It's a complex subject, but I would broadly agree with those theologians who argue that the law falls into 3 categories:
God's moral law - this is unchanging and is still binding on Christians today
the law of the Temple - this points to the sacrifice made by Christ on the cross, and is fulfilled in his crucifixion and resurrection. It no longer applies to Christians in the same way
Laws for the nation state of Israel - Christians are not bound by these because God's people are not a nation state.

The difficulty comes in determining which category particular laws fall into. However, in the specific case of Deut 24:1-4 I think this is a combination of moral law and national law, so I think it is still binding on the Christian.
I haven't seen anything in the New Testament to suggest it no longer applies.

As to the matter of whether reconciling and wanting to remarry is a sign of growth and maturity, it is possible. However, this returns to my point about wisdom - in that situation the couple got married when they lacked the maturity to make that decision, so are they now certain that they do have the required maturity? If they do, all well and good, but if they don't it would be better not to remarry.
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Hiswifeagain
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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by Hiswifeagain »

David wrote: Mon Mar 01, 2021 1:58 am As to the matter of whether reconciling and wanting to remarry is a sign of growth and maturity, it is possible. However, this returns to my point about wisdom - in that situation the couple got married when they lacked the maturity to make that decision, so are they now certain that they do have the required maturity? If they do, all well and good, but if they don't it would be better not to remarry.
One problem with that is they likely believed they had the maturity and sincerity the first time they married. But since they obviously failed at that perhaps they should both remain alone rather than risk messing up again and causing a smudge on the Church. :roll:

Wouldn’t you consider the laws against adultery part of the moral law as well? If so, do you support stoning those caught in adultery? :shock:

Seriously, David I appreciate how highly you value the covenant of marriage. The truth is we all have spiritually defective DNA and are capable of horrible sin. Thankfully God grants some of us the gift of repentance and the ability to restore what was once lost through our own very poor choices. Isn’t that the point of the Cross.
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15
LBD
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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by LBD »

David wrote: @LBD I think it's simplistic to say that the Law of Moses no longer holds. It's a complex subject, but I would broadly agree with those theologians who argue that the law falls into 3 categories:
I really could care less what “theologians” think. I know what scripture says. Read Hebrews and Galatians again friend.

What do you think “nailed to the cross” means? The one who wrote the law himself, the Word incarnate, fulfilled the old law, and sealed a new covenant in His blood. The Old law is there for our learning, and I do believe we can learn a great deal about God’s nature, as that does not change. But we are now under the greater, better, law of liberty, written in the heart of man.


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It is usually futile to try to talk facts and analysis to people who are enjoying a sense of moral superiority in their ignorance. -Thomas Sowell
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DoveGrey
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Re: Sex with the ex

Post by DoveGrey »

Even if we go by what theologians say, Deuteronomy 24 is part of the Deuteronomic Code of chapters 12-26. Theologians agree that this code is civil and ceremonial. Moral codes are covered elsewhere.

If we believe that 24 is moral rather than civil, then we also must believe that a man who rapes an unengaged woman must marry his rape victim and is not allowed to divorce her. He shouldn't go to jail under our own civil laws - he must marry her under the civil laws of the ancient Hebrews. What a horrible thing that would be for the victim!

Rape is certainly both a moral and civil offense. 24 covers legalistic punishment for civil/criminal crimes, nothing more.

The morality of both adultery and rape are covered by the Ten Commandments. We are bound by that. We are not bound by the civil punishment laws of an ancient nation. Christ removed us from that. He said that he removed us from that. If we don't believe that, then that means that what he did on the cross was insufficient. It becomes "Christ plus..." theology.
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