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That's VERY hard to type, and even harder to think since it was nothing but sin. But it's the truth I suppose.
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As far as DW and I; it has been determined that I was one of the worst choices she could have made. I've been nothing but an embarrassment and a financial nightmare for her to the point that I am not mentioned much when she is with friends or relatives. I am such an embarrassment that she lives to correct and teach me about life and how to treat others. Don't get me wrong, we get along most of the time and she desperately needs a fix-it guy and a security guard for her and the kids.
Most women look forward to a successful husband who can hold his own responsibilities and keep a job or business while being a focused and empathetic dad. The day we got married I was unemployed. She had a job. My shipyard job was on and off due to the ships that were docked or not. My dream job out of state took us a thousand miles from our parents. The job eventually failed. I took a cheap job that ruined us. Then another job and the pay was barely enough. Then after 15 years was fired and remained unemployed 8 years! Went on welfare. Needless to say, she lost all confidence in me and became the worse gatekeeper of our 30+ year marriage! It was then and still is my responsibility to keep a job and make money. She just wanted to nest in her home securely and care for the kids. She eventually went back to work in the child welfare sector. Boy was she mad now! Sex was every 2 to 3 weeks and often she was not really there...
So I am sure no woman wants a failure husband. So she really lost out! Its amazing we are still together. I've been very extremely depressed over this and tried to remedy it with many opportunities that were quickly snatched away from me, despite groups of people praying for me over the years. Needless to say my faith in Christ was shaken and has never recovered. This late in life she is stuck with me.
For me, my wife and I are a lot of like in many ways. But we have differences that has made things more difficult than it could have been. I wish my wife was a little more adventurous sometimes and wish she was way more sexual. Sex has been an issue with us from the very beginning. and still is 30 years later.
Obviously we shouldn't marry a non believer or take a job that is unethical or illegal but we have freedom within our lives. We are to order our lives around the lifework of spreading the Gospel but this looks different for everyone and is carried out in a myriad of different ways. I also believe God can and does use differences in personalities, and styles, sex drives, preferences etc. (both in our spouses and others) to work on us and refine things that need transformation, not that our circumstances necessarily always or ever change but that we do (our thoughts, emotions, responses etc. increasingly reflecting those of Jesus)
That being said I am so grateful for the man my husband is and has become and I love being married to him. I'm not saying he's perfect or that we don't clash (we are often polar opposites with many of our preferences and styles and ways of doing things) but that he is a good husband to me. When we got married I was very young, I loved dh but had not put much thought into what type of person he was I knew he was kind, loyal, hardworking, and a believer but I didn't really think about things like leadership style, personality, hobbies etc. God has been faithful to grow each of us individually and together but I think much of that stems from our love for and desire to follow Christ rather than us being a "perfect match" or "the one."
This is true for me also! I know without any doubt that my dh is the one. How do I know this? Because after 35 yrs together (32 married) I still get little flutters in my stomach every day when I look at or think about him. Are things perfect? No...We have had our ups and downs like everyone but, even with all of that I can't imagine doing this life with anyone else!