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Privacy

Other non-sexual marriage issues.
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SeekingChange
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Privacy

Post by SeekingChange »

What role does privacy play in your marriage? (To be clear, privacy is different than secrecy.) Do one or both desire it? Does one desire it more than the other?

Do you feel privacy is okay in a marriage? Or, even if it's "okay", have you or your spouse been offended by it or have had conflict around it?

Why do you/your spouse desire privacy?

How or when do you desire or want privacy?
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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benny
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Re: Privacy

Post by benny »

In our marriage privacy is respected and given if desired. But in reality there is little privacy between us. I guess but would call it giving space rather than privacy.

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SeekingChange
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Re: Privacy

Post by SeekingChange »

benny wrote: Mon May 10, 2021 7:15 amI guess but would call it giving space rather than privacy.
I could see that. I think in my mind, when I need "space" for something more personal, it feels more like "privacy".

My desire for privacy is typically around bathroom rituals, I prefer it when naked, whether changing, bathing or showering. When I groom, like shaving, plucking or "garden" upkeep. I typically don't care if he's around for peeing, but for #2, please step out.

I also like privacy around exercise or trying out or on new things.

The why.... sometimes I just need a time I don't feel I have to have a guard up. A "guard up" meaning, being prepared for something or anything to happen. Or wondering what he's thinking. Even looking can feel like it's sapping energy from me and puts the weight of expectations on me. It seems there are more mental battles to fight when he's around in those situations, and weariness makes me up to not wanting to "fight" them. I need that "space" to be able to fully relax. Also, some things are just the uglier or stinkier ;) things in life, and why be cast in that light if you don't have to be?

Yes, I believe he has gotten offended by it. I believe he sees it as a personal rejection and that I don't want intimacy with him.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
Irnmyk
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Re: Privacy

Post by Irnmyk »

In the first place, if she is taking a dump (#2), I'm outta there. No problem. She can have all the privacy that she desires. That is pretty much reciprocal.

But, otherwise, neither of us require any privacy in particular. If she is "trying on things", I'm probably outta there too. Just not my cup of tea.

But, if she indicated that she wanted privacy for any reason, I'd grant it.

She used to dress in her closet. I challenged her, and she said that it was because that was where her clothes were. Yeah, right. But, I kept after her not in a nagging way, but a "you are beautiful to me and I desire you" way, and now that is no more. (She has been heavier in the past and may have had some body image issues, but I always tried to dispel that too. Her body, even when it was "more plump" was beautiful to me and I let her know it.)

She may go to another part of the house from time to time on a "space" basis - so she can read, or study her devotionals, etc. in relative quiet, but, when she does, I get some space too, so neither one of us has a problem with that.
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hastentheday
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Re: Privacy

Post by hastentheday »

SeekingChange wrote: Mon May 10, 2021 7:10 am What role does privacy play in your marriage? (To be clear, privacy is different than secrecy.) Do one or both desire it? Does one desire it more than the other?

I feel as if this is a personality trait. Growing up the way I did, privacy didn't really exist and was not a thing.

Do you feel privacy is okay in a marriage? Or, even if it's "okay", have you or your spouse been offended by it or have had conflict around it?

Sure. A spouse should be able to request whatever they want within reason.

Why do you/your spouse desire privacy?

In the situations already mentioned.

How or when do you desire or want privacy?
The only situation I can think of is when the kids call and want to know what gift to get their mother for her birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, etc. those conversations I want to keep private for obvious reasons. I am sure this isn't what you are looking for when you asked the question. Oh well.
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
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Re: Privacy

Post by PaulB »

33 foot RV. 🚙

Just sayin'.

Of course, this is cart and horse. Neither of us had a problem with the concept because privacy from each other is not an issue. But that's just us, I'm not making a judgment.
Happily married for 36 years and living the good life near two of our grandsons!

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